When it comes to safeguarding our children’s futures, we often find ourselves navigating a delicate balance between protection and trust. In today’s story, a mother’s well-intentioned act has sparked intense controversy, particularly with her daughter’s husband.
She shared her side of the story.
My daughter and her husband have been married for 3 years, and they recently had their first kid. Since the marriage, she’s been a housewife and is now a stay-at-home mom. She has no plans to return to work. I think that’s fine and have been supportive. I also know she and her husband both have sizeable life insurance policies, so if one dies, they’ll be okay.
Yet, she also signed a prenup. I also have no problem with that, I think it’s smart. But my daughter told me she’d get a very small settlement. And even with child support, she would probably have to return to work. And after being out of the workforce for a bit, I’m afraid that’ll be a challenge.
So, my husband (her father) and I set up an account for her, just in case. If she and her husband divorce, she’ll have money to fall back on. If they remain married past the time my husband and I die, it’ll just be added to what she’ll inherit.
Telling her about it wasn’t on my plans unless the divorce happened, but my husband pointed out that if she was ever in a situation where she wanted to leave but worried she financially couldn’t, it’d be good for her to know she has a backup plan.
So, we told her and she was a little surprised. She thanked us but felt we were “rooting against her.” I said we love her husband and hope they have a long, healthy marriage. We have always been supportive. But this is similar to the prenup. A “just in case”. A last resort.
Well, she told her husband, and he’s also angry at us, saying that we don’t trust him. I said it’s looking out for our daughter and really is no different from the prenup. I added that just as he’ll always want to protect his daughter, we’ll always want to protect ours.
People stood on their side.
- “That’s the point of a prenup, to plan ahead and protect your assets in case the marriage does not survive. Sounds like the husband is mad that his wife is having the same comfort provided for her that he set up for himself.” PurpleArugula5766 / Reddit
- “Planning for trouble while you’re in love is a good idea. It means you get to protect your loved one, and yourself in case something happens.” Pindakazig / Reddit
- “If someone has a good and strong marriage, there is no amount of people telling them that they are not gonna last long that would influence them in any way, but if you believe otherwise then...”
forgeris / Reddit
- “He liked the power over her. ‘Stay here or else you get nothing.’ That power is gone now with the parents’ money. So now he’s trying to make them the bad guys to isolate her from them so that the money is gone again.” RockingRobin / Reddit
- “Husband’s response should have been ‘Great if something were to happen, my wife and child will have additional resources and less need.’” baloo1970 / Reddit
- “Good for you guys, you just leveled the playing field. She is lucky to have you, and I’m glad he knows. Makes for a more equal dynamic.” 2moms3grls / Reddit
- “Your daughter had to sign a prenup limiting her to a very small settlement if they divorce and your SIL reckons you don’t trust him? And now instead of thinking ‘Great, if something happens to me my wife and child will have more to fall back on’ he’s taking it as an insult to him? Keep that fund going, even if you never mention it again.” HotShoulder3099 / Reddit
- “Your daughter is incredibly naive and shortsighted, though. There was zero reason to tattle to her husband and start drama. You are giving her an incredible gift, that historically would have benefitted sooooo many women in the same boat. I think you just remain steadfast and reassured the love is there, but keep comparing it to the prenuptial. That should get him to shut up.”
SheWolf4Life / Reddit - “My parents did that for me when my daughter was born. My dad pulled me aside on her second birthday and offered to pay for my divorce lawyer, which was the kick I needed to finish putting my ducks in a row. Ten years later, my life is immeasurably better for it.” CodexAnima / Reddit
Navigating the complexities of family dynamics and marital relationships is never easy, especially when intentions are misconstrued and emotions run high. Creating a savings account for her daughter was an act born out of love and concern for her future stability, not a reflection of distrust in her marriage.
