Finding harmony in blended families can be a challenge, especially when unexpected issues arise. Becky, a mother of a two-year-old, asked her 19-year-old stepdaughter to babysit while she worked, but the stepdaughter refused. Frustrated, Becky demanded her stepdaughter contribute to the household by paying rent. This disagreement spiraled into an unforeseen conflict, leaving Becky feeling devastated and at a loss for what to do. She reached out for advice, hoping to navigate this difficult situation.
Yes u cant force to have a relationship in family u should have made her to see u as her second mother and treat the child as her little brother but instead u ordered like a boss if u cant watch out for my child then u r not staying in my home which means u didnt accept her as ur daughter first , First u have to keep in ur mind she is ur elder child and treat her like one so she can treat the little baby as her younger brother and then u dont have to ask or order her she can baby sit him as in her own will...
There are some details missing in the story. But a 19 year old isn't a child, she's a full grown adult who should be living on her own. If she is living at home rent free, then yes she should be expected to help out around the house/babysit or whatever. She isn't a child with nowhere to go, she's an adult. If your husband wants to act like a child then you're better odd without him.
From just the context of your message and without a better understanding of the family's history/dynamics, i think you were wrong. You should have discussed this with your husband first, as this is his daughter, and try to find a better way to get your 19YO to help out. Now you've alienated both of them. From just the message alone, you come across as spoiled, entitled and inconsiderate.
Yes you were wrong you married him knowing full well he has a daughter if you married him that means she's your step daughter would you get mad if he did the same to your child.
I think they both do the care about you, small studio sorry for them 😐 but you can't be used like that ! Maybe try talk to her maybe now cmshe change her mind after living like this 🤔
Your baby. Not hers! You should've planned better. This is HER time to get a job and figure her life out!! I would never expect my own children to stay home and babysit! The fact that you threw out an ultimatum like that- girl, bye! Lol
She's 19, if didn't work last summer, not working this one. 19, she has graduated High School. For the husband to be gone next day, he was ALREADY planning to go
At 19 she could very well be in college and how do you know she's not working? Maybe she's part time, maybe she's doing summer courses at school in order to be done faster, the point is you can't just ASSUME she's not working (short of trying to FORCE the girl to babysit, why ELSE would step-mommy issue the rent ultimatum?). Add in the fact that hubby left with BOTH kids the next day means that issues have been going on for awhile now and this was probably the last straw for him and the fact that she's insistent that it's HER house and not THEIR house shows that SHE is the main issue (especially since she not only said MY house over the phone but also insulted his daughter in the same breath which is funny since SHE is the one acting entitled by behaving the way she is).
Lastly, daycare is a thing and if finances our problem when it comes to child care then she could've explored every option (like ELC (Early Learning Coalition)) that didn't involve forcing her stepdaughter into unpaid labor (because that's exactly what it'll be based on OP's word usage, unpaid); there are TONS of resources for decently priced child care, you just have to be willing to LOOK for said resources and Google makes doing so VERY easy.
Seems like you're just assuming yourself! You don't know if she has a job and if she doesn't, she definitely should be contributing something to the household.
I already left a reply to your other comment, but it essentially boils down to "You do you boo, even if that means that you side with OP's version of events despite how GLARINGLY OBVIOUS it is that she left important info was left out 🫠"
I would also suggest THOROUGHLY rereading the post; because the fact that she's asking for the 19yr old to babysit during the summer infers that she's possibly in school (or just busy during the school season in general) and because there's nothing saying OTHERWISE, we can safely assume that she possibly works part time somewhere; still doesn't change the fact that you CAN tell that important info was PURPOSELY left out.
No you are not wrong, stand your ground with this , you married him and while he has a daughter she is 19 years old- you have all the right in the world to expect a little help from a clearly lazy juvenile, who feels she is entitled, and if he can't back you up now then you need to move on because your looking at problems with this for the rest of your life , she is going to continue to create problems for you,
It's amazing how a lot of y'all are ASSUMING the 19yr old isn't working or even doing summer college courses while WHILE COMPLETELY IGNORING THE FACT that OP is quite insistent on the house being HER'S (why is the horse just her's and not theirs? Is it not the husband's as well? Doesn't he contribute to the bills and possible mortgage as well? Is his name not only also on any paperwork/bills related to the house? She literally made it clear over the phone that it was HER house). Also, OP left out whether or not the stepdaughter is working or in school and most likely left it ambiguous on purpose so the people can assume they things she wants you to assume about the girl; that she's lazy, doesn't contribute a thing, and is entitled because that's how Daddy raised her to be.
If this post was on Reddit, the amount of people calling out OP (and the people automatically siding with her) on her BS would be staggering; especially with not only her word usage, but also because it's apparent that she purposely left info out so that people can validate her own behavior while dragging the stepdaughter through the mud for the, supposedly, same behavior.
Yes you are wrong! When you married him you knew he had a child. Their a package deal. I could care less her age. You're lucky if he does come back. He might feel he dodged a bullet by not spending his life with you.
Being married has nothing to do with that grown little girl watching her brother while the mother is working she didn't say raise the boy she said watch him.
Excuse me but she is 19 years old and apparently has no job and is not contributing to the household in any way. Parental responsibility and support stops when a child turns 18 and graduates from high school. There is no reason for her to become an entitled permanent house guest. Marriage is a partnership. If your husband doesn’t see it that way and won’t back you up then you are better off without him.
It's amazing how a lot of y'all are ASSUMING the 19yr old isn't working or even doing summer college courses while WHILE COMPLETELY IGNORING THE FACT that OP is quite insistent on the house being HER'S (why is the horse just her's and not theirs? Is it not the husband's as well? Doesn't he contribute to the bills and possible mortgage as well? Is his name not only also on any paperwork/bills related to the house? She literally made it clear over the phone that it was HER house). Also, OP left out whether or not the stepdaughter is working or in school and most likely left it ambiguous on purpose so the people can assume they things she wants you to assume about the girl; that she's lazy, doesn't contribute a thing, and is entitled because that's how Daddy raised her to be.
If this post was on Reddit, the amount of people calling out OP (and the people automatically siding with her) on her BS would be staggering; especially with not only her word usage, but also because it's apparent that she purposely left info out so that people can validate her own behavior while dragging the stepdaughter through the mud for the, supposedly, same behavior.
Entitled much most young people start working at 16. If she had a job and was asked to quit to take care of kid it would be different. No one is entitled to be supported after 18 it's a privilege.
What about the 19yp mother why is the 19yo not living with her people are only seeing this lady is a bad person we all don't know the reasons being the 19yo living with this lady and her husband
Your house became your husband and step daughters house when you married. Your territoriality and lack of feelings for your stepdaughter is appalling. You need an attitude adjustment.
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3 weeks ago
If comments are hidden, there's a reason for this.
OP's word usage must have been decent enough if so many of y'all are ASSUMING that the 19yr old isn't working, doing summer college courses, or even helping around the house; if you go back and truly read the post you'll see that OP never actually states that the girl isn't working or going to school and most likely left it ambiguous on purpose so that people would automatically side with her. OP wouldn't exactly get the kind of validation she wants if she mentioned that the stepdaughter was working, going to school, and/or contributing to the house in anyway (a house, mind you, that she's VERY insistent on being HER'S; something she made clear while on the phone while also insulting both him and his daughter in the same breath). There is info missing, info we're never going to get because it's info OP doesn't want us to have.....
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Hello Becky! Thank you for sharing your story.
We’ve prepared some tips that can help you navigate through this situation.
Communicate with empathy and set boundaries together
I think the problem here is communication. Since this is his daughter, especially, you should have discussed this with him first. Also, it being your house and not y'alls house is bound to cause problems in a marriage. You are likely to feel this way about other issues. I feel like it is a barrier to ya'll functioning like a proper family unit. Just something to think about.
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Instead of focusing on who is right or wrong, try to have a calm conversation with your husbandabout why you felt compelled to ask his daughter for help and how her refusal affected you.
Acknowledge his protective instincts toward his daughter but also express your need for support in managing the household. Suggest creating boundaries for his daughter’s involvement and expectations in the home together, so both of you can feel heard and respected.
It seems your husband’s response may have stemmed from a deeper feeling of guilt or protectiveness towards his daughter. Instead of focusing solely on your frustration with her, talk to him about why he immediately took her side. Was it because he felt like she was vulnerable or alone?
Understanding his feelings and motivation might help you approach the issue with him in a way that doesn’t feel like a direct attack on their relationship, and opens the door to find a resolution that works for all three of you.
You are wrong. Your step-daughter is mot your babysitter. She is not your employee and you are sre the one who is acting entitled.
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Instead of maintaining a hard stance, offer a compromise that could bring everyone back together. For example, you could propose that his daughter contributes in other ways, like household chores or helping with non-childcare responsibilities, while you and your husband explore external childcare options.
This would allow her to still be independent without feeling like she’s being forced to babysit. It might also show your husband that you’re willing to be flexible for the sake of keeping the family united.
The Stepmother doesn’t specify whether the stepdaughter works or not. The stepdaughter watching her sibling could mean either full time due to lack of employment or part time like full days on her days off and half days on the days she works.. regardless the stepmom can’t just demand her stepdaughter save her daycare costs by babysitting and she refers to the house as HER home. Once she got married to her husband it became THEIR home. Husband was right to leave since he clearly has no say in the home. Also the stepmom doesn’t speak of any household contributions her stepdaughter could be doing if she’s not working, like dad and stepmom coming home from work to a spotless home and dinner fully cooked. After she graduated high school, any time my daughter was between jobs, her father and I came home to the house cleaned and whatever dinner I planned on making, fully cooked and ready to eat.
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After a week of separation, it may be time to seriously assess how your husband’s choices are impacting your marriage and family. Reflect on what you need from him as a partner and how his prioritization of his daughter over your child and you are affecting the dynamic.
Consider couples counseling or even a temporary separation if he continues to ignore your concerns. This could help both of you reassess your priorities, whether it’s his daughter’s entitlement, your expectations, or how you want to move forward as a family.
Lindsay, a stepmother, faced frustration when her husband declined to buy a graduation gift for her daughter. Fortunately, her stepdaughter stepped in and performed a heartwarming gesture, turning the situation around. Discover the full story here.
If the girl isn't working the very least she could do is watch the kid. They're paying for her to live there. saving on childcare for the summer pits money back into the house spent taking care of a grown 19 yr old. And the woman is right it is HER HOUSE and her husband and his daughter need to remember that, the only thing the husband seems to being to the table is a paycheck. And where is this girls mother and why can't she stay with her or other family.
You’re being the child here. If you had a child before you got married, wouldn’t you want your husband to treat it with respect? I’m picking my kid every single time over anyone else. The husband needs to get as far away from you as possible.
The Stepmother doesn’t specify whether the stepdaughter works or not. The stepdaughter watching her sibling could mean either full time due to lack of employment or part time like full days on her days off and half days on the days she works.. regardless the stepmom can’t just demand her stepdaughter save her daycare costs by babysitting and she refers to the house as HER home. Once she got married to her husband it became THEIR home. Husband was right to leave since he clearly has no say in the home. Also the stepmom doesn’t speak of any household contributions her stepdaughter could be doing if she’s not working, like dad and stepmom coming home from work to a spotless home and dinner fully cooked. After she graduated high school, any time my daughter was between jobs, her father and I came home to the house cleaned and whatever dinner I planned on making, fully cooked and ready to eat.
It's rather refreshing to me to see the father is choosing and a sticking up for his daughter instead of choosing the step mother. I've read so many stories where the father gets remarried and all of a sudden his older children from a previous marriage gets neglected. I too wonder where the daughters bio mom is. He said she had no one so I'm wondering, did her mom leave the family or die? The 19 year old sounds angry and depressed, and i do agree its not her responsibility to look after a child, that's something that always seems to be pushed onto older siblings they always seem expected to look after the younger ones. I don't know there's so many variables that aren't given on this
