Leaving your children with strangers is easier said than done. It can always end in disaster. In this story, Paula finds herself having to convince her son that her babysitting while he was out on vacation with his wife is better. But instead, he chose a nanny for the job.
Dear Bright Side,
I’m a retired widow with a son. He got married and had a daughter, Emily, whom I love so very much. I enjoy weekly visits, every Saturday morning, just to play with Emily. One day, my son and daughter-in-law wanted to go out for a couple’s vacation. I insisted that I stay with Emily, but my DIL said she’s hired a nanny whom she trusted. I didn’t like the idea of leaving my granddaughter with a stranger, but didn’t say anything.
When they left, I decided to come for a surprise visit the next day. What I saw next horrified me. The so-called trusted nanny was in the kitchen making a huge mess. That wasn’t the only mess. The whole house looked like it had been flipped over. I yelled at her, “Where is Emily?!? She calmly said that she as sleeping in her room. I was furious and demanded that the nanny leave.
But she looked at me and refused. She said, “My boss is the only one that can fire me, you’re not her.” My blood was boiling. So, I threatened to call the police and only then did she leave. When my son and his wife came back they were shocked to find me caring for Emily with no nanny in sight. When I told them about everything that happened, my DIL stormed out angrily to call the nanny back.
My husband asked me to leave. They went radio silent for a week, and all this time I was worried that they’d bring back that wretched nanny. Should I visit them again?
Paula O.
Like it or not everyone, including your son and DIL, has the right to raise their children the way they see fit. Just because they chose a nanny over you doesn't make it a bad choice. Just because the house was a mess doesn't mean the nanny was doing a bad job. You over stepped your boundaries. You need to back off. And these surprise visits? That's ridiculous. You owe everyone an apology. And save your visits for when the parents are home and invite you over.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, Paula. You had every right to react this way after seeing your granddaughter left alone and in a wrecked house. The sheer recklessness of the nanny would make anyone in your position angry. Plus, the audacity of her response triggered the escalated response.
Your son and his wife made a plan they thought was safe. To them, your surprise visit might have felt like you were checking up on them and didn’t trust their judgment as parents. When you kicked out the nanny they hired, it probably felt like you overstepped, even though your intentions were 100% pure.
You’ll want to give them time before reaching out. Maybe wait another week. Then, apologize for how you reacted, not why you did what you did. You could say, “I am sorry I overstepped and took matters into my own hands. I should have called you first instead of kicking her out myself.”
Don’t feel bad for trying to protect your granddaughter. Trusting your gut is usually the right call in urgent situations like these. Just look at how these people saved their lives by trusting their gut feelings.
I don't agree with your response. The child wasn't alone. She was taking a nap--and the nanny was apparently taking that time to cook. (Because how else would she be making a mess in the kitchen?) Maybe the nanny was planning to pick up once she finished cooking. Did OP ask? No. To me this reads like OP used a pretext to go ahead and do what SHE wanted, completely overriding the parents. DIL should change the locks and go No Contact
Grandma definitely wasn't worried. She was angry that they didn't choose her. What right did grandma have? She will be lucky if she ever sees that kid again.
For once I actually disagree with brightside. The grand daughter was not left alone. She was asleep in her room. What was she supposed to do, sit in the room while she slept? You didnt like that they hired a nanny, and you went over. You would have caused problems no matter what. Oh no, the house was a mess and she was in the kitchen cooking. Heaven forbid. And then to threaten the nanny that you are going to call the cops? Besides a very sincere apology to the nanny, you should also pay her full wage for what she would have earned.
IF this is a real story, you sound like a total PIA Paula. There's a reason they didn't ask your nosy, overbearing a** to babysit. You're probably the kind of person who will rearrange their kitchen because "your way is better", or you'll go through their things/bedroom. The nanny should have called the cops on YOU. You were there uninvited, you threatened her and you TECHNICALLY took a kid you weren't supposed to be in charge of. If you were my MIL, the locks would be changed, and your Saturdays with Emily would be
O-V-E-R. They're never going to leave you alone with the kid now, and any credibility you had with them left with the nanny. Talk about a COMPLETE screw up, you literally could not have handled that situation any worse. Well done, way to blow it. 👏🏼
