Sometimes boundaries feel simple in theory but complicated in real life. This reader shared how one firm rule about diet led to an unexpected family fallout.
Hi Bright Side,
Our house has been strictly vegan for five years, and I made the rules clear: no animal products under this roof. When my stepdaughter Maya brought a stash of beef jerky and pepperoni pizza back from her mother’s place, I threw it all in the trash without a second thought. I told my husband, “My house, my rules! If she wants to eat meat, she can do it at her mom’s, but not on my plates.”
He called me a “diet dictator” and took her out for burgers in a huff. I went to bed feeling proud of my boundaries, certain they would eventually respect the ethics of my home.
The next morning, I woke up, walked into the kitchen and saw a single note taped to the refrigerator door. It simply read: “Since we can’t follow your rules, we’ve gone somewhere where we can actually be a family; don’t bother calling.”
Do you think I was wrong to act this way?
Amanda
If you want to be a vegan great. But you have no right to shove it down other people's throats. A solution would have been buying a separate freezer and refrigerator and a set of pots and pans and dishes and let other people have their meats. Expensive? Yes but it better than loosing your husband. On the other perhaps you're better off with a vegan husband or just plain alone.
Dear Amanda,
Thank you for trusting us with your story. No matter how you feel about the decision itself, it’s clear that it’s created real tension within your family. What matters now is finding a way forward that helps repair trust and restore balance. Here are a few thoughts that may help as you navigate what comes next.
Even if you believe you’re justified in setting household rules, your husband’s reaction reveals that he feels unheard and possibly disrespected in family decisions. Consider that this might not just be about meat — it’s about feeling excluded from authority in a shared home.
Action: Invite your husband to a calm conversation (ideally in person) and propose creating shared household expectations that reflect both of your values. Not a surrender — a collaboration.
Saying “Don’t bring meat in my house” to a teenager who lives with you may have felt like laying down the law — but to her, it likely felt like rejection. Being vegan in your own home is a valid choice. Imposing it as an absolute on others, especially a stepchild navigating loyalty, grief, or identity, is likely to backfire.
Action: Introduce zones or compromises — e.g., “No meat in the kitchen, but if you order something, eat it outside or in your room.” This gives her space without changing your values.
Once again, Bright Side has it wrong. The stepdaughter should follow the house rules, whether she agrees or not. What if she cross-contaminated food for someone who had a severe allergy? Brought pork into a kosher home?
If OP's husband thinks a hamburger is cause for divorce, it wasn't a good marriage and both parties will be better off (however, the husband's daughter might have her own agenda entirely).
I don't think meat sticks and pizza is something to lose it over. As far as obeying house rules, she has a right to eat what she wants.
It's obviously a choice and she can't just expect everyone else to follow her diet. And now she's lost her husband because she wanted to control what everyone ate. Cross contamination? The she should make sure everything is clean. And FYI this isn't like an allergy, its a preference. Im glad her husband left her and chose his daughter over her.
Staying firm in “I did nothing wrong” may protect your pride, but it won’t bring your husband or stepdaughter home. Whether your actions were justified or not, the emotional damage is real.
Action: Reflect not just on the rule, but on the delivery. Apologizing doesn’t mean saying you were wrong to be vegan — it means saying, “I’m sorry I made you feel unwelcome in your own home. That wasn’t my intention.” That alone could open a door that’s now shut.
Sometimes the most important step isn’t defending our boundaries, but deciding how we want our family to feel going forward.
Wow, looks Iike all or nothing with you. I don't impose my dietary preferences on friends and family and they respect my opinion.
"Not on (your) plates". If that were your main concern, it could have been so easy. Separate plates, her own dish sponge...easy. Kosher households do it. I did it when I was the vegan and my partner was a mostly carnivore. But you demanded that everyone under the roof live just like you. I am truly sorry that your "my way or the highway" dictate didn't break your way when it could have worked so easily.
