I Found Out My Adopted Daughter Has Been Looking for Her Birth Parents Behind My Back

2 months ago

I Found Out My Adopted Daughter Has Been Looking for Her Birth Parents Behind My Back

An adoptive mother’s lie to protect her daughter backfired, creating an explosive family conflict. This unbelievable story of adoption drama reveals the devastating mother-daughter conflict and emotional betrayal that follow when a lie is exposed.

Dear Bright Side,

I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. When I adopted my daughter, Liv, as a baby, I cut all ties with her birth mom. I told myself I was doing it to protect my new family and ensure Liv’s life was stable.

For years, things were perfect, but as Liv grew up, she kept asking questions about her birth mom. Afraid of losing her, I made a terrible decision. I lied and said, “Your mother moved on and never looked back.” Liv got quiet, but I thought she had accepted it.

Later, when I went to check on her, I found a horrifying note. It read, “Mom, I know who my real mom is. I know everything. I can’t look at you right now. I need space to think. Please don’t call me.”

My world fell apart. I later found out she had been talking to her for weeks.

Their secret communication was a gut punch. Her birth mom had told her the shocking truth: that she always wanted to be a part of Liv’s life, that she had written letters I never gave to her, and that I was the one who stood in the way of their relationship.

The worst part is that my daughter believes her. My perfect family, built on love and trust, has been torn apart by my one lie. Now I am left with a terrifying new reality: a heartbroken daughter who feels I betrayed her, and a woman who has a connection to Liv that I may never get back.

— Alexandra

What we think.

Brenda Vance

month ago

So what was your relationship with Liv's biomom before her pregnancy? You said you had cut all ties from her? That makes me REALLY question what the circumstances were when this adoption took place? Why had the biomom been so insistent on seeing her daughter again after having given her up for adoption? Did she really write those letters she's claiming she had written? And if all that is true, what would make you believe your daughter who from the sounds of it has always known she was adopted, why do you think she would not become an adult and not want to find her biomom? If the bio knew your address to write those letters, if it were me I would have been preparing my daughter right away for the ultimate truth since you never know when bio would have been standing outside on the front lawn waiting for her chance at a reunion

Alexandra, thanks for your letter. This is a truly gut-wrenching situation. You’ve just been hit with the deepest emotional betrayal a parent can feel, and it’s from the person you love most in the world.

We know the first thing you want to do is rush to Liv, hold her, and explain everything. But the most important thing you can do right now is respect the space she’s asking for. As painful as it is, she needs time to process this massive family secret on her own. Do not call, text, or try to see her until she’s ready.

When she is ready to talk, the hardest but most crucial step is to listen without any excuses. You can’t defend the lie, Alexandra. We know you truly believed you were protecting her, but right now, all Liv can see is the mother-daughter conflict you created. You need to take full responsibility for your choice and just sit with the pain you caused.

The only way to begin rebuilding trust is by showing Liv that you now support her relationship with her birth mom, not as a threat to you, but as a part of her truth. This won’t be easy, but it’s the first step toward healing from this betrayal and getting your daughter back.