I Only Wanted to Help My Pregnant DIL, but I Feel I've Overstepped

A mother-in-law thought she was doing the right thing by helping her pregnant daughter-in-law in the kitchen. But instead of gratitude, she got an outburst, a furious son, and a whole lot of guilt. Now, she’s questioning whether she overstepped or if her daughter-in-law is just being overly sensitive.

A worried mother-in-law shared her story.

Hi, Bright Side!

I’ve been reading your stories for years, and now I need your advice. I never expected to find myself in this situation, but here I am, completely torn. Please help me figure out if I messed up or if this is all just a misunderstanding.

I thought I was being helpful, but I may have gone too far.

My daughter-in-law is pregnant, and I wanted to make things easier for her. So when I saw her cooking, I stepped in with a few tips. I’ve been cooking for decades, and my son practically grew up on my meals, so I thought I was offering helpful guidance.

I brought my own spices, adjusted the stove temperature, and told her the ‘right’ way to simmer the sauce. I thought I was just giving advice, but suddenly, she snapped. ‘Enough! I can do this myself!’ she yelled. I felt awful and quietly left the kitchen, but I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.

Then my son called, and I realized how wrong I was.

Later that night, my son called me, his voice filled with anger. ‘What have you done to my wife?’ he demanded. I was completely blindsided.

Apparently, my daughter-in-law had told him I overstepped, took over her kitchen, and made her feel completely incompetent. She was on the verge of tears when he got home. My son said I had humiliated her, and he wasn’t happy about it.

Did I really make her feel that bad?

I started replaying the whole situation in my head. I did step in a lot... maybe too much. But I never meant to belittle her. I was just trying to help!

At the same time, her version of events made it sound like I was barking orders at her and criticizing her every move. I swear I wasn’t! But I know pregnancy hormones can heighten emotions, and maybe she was already feeling overwhelmed. Now, I don’t know whether I should feel guilty or if she’s overreacting.

Now I don’t know what to do.

I want to fix this before the baby arrives. But if I reach out and apologize, will it make things worse? Or will she see it as me trying to control the situation again? I love my son, and I want to have a good relationship with my daughter-in-law, but I feel completely stuck.

Bright Side, what should I do? Should I apologize or just give her space?

Here's what we think.

It’s clear that both you and your daughter-in-law had good intentions, but emotions ran high in the moment. Here’s what we suggest:

• Apologize sincerely, but don’t over-explain: A simple “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable in your own kitchen. I truly didn’t mean to overstep” can go a long way.

• Give her space: She’s pregnant, which means she’s already dealing with a lot. A little time apart might help ease the tension.

• Ask before offering help next time: Instead of jumping in, try saying, “Would you like a hand, or would you prefer I just keep you company?” That way, she can set the boundaries herself.

• Rebuild the relationship with small gestures: A thoughtful text, a small gift for the baby, or a kind word of encouragement will show her that your heart is in the right place.

Remember, pregnancy is a stressful time, and sometimes emotions get the best of us. The good news? This situation can be fixed—with patience, understanding, and a little bit of space.
In case you know someone who is expecting, there are ways to be helpful without overstepping. Here are 6 hacks to make pregnant women's life easier.