Many readers write to us about secret transfers, shady “friendships,” and partners who suddenly become generous with other people’s wallets. One woman recently wrote in after discovering her husband sent $700 to a woman who didn’t even invite them to her wedding, and the truth behind that “favor” shook her to the core.
My dearest Bright Side,
My name is Anna, I’m 35, and I feel like my marriage is falling apart over something I never expected.
Last week, my husband casually mentioned that he had sent $700 to a former coworker. He said it like he was telling me he bought a coffee. When I asked why, he told me she was “going through something” and “desperately needed help.”
The weird part is that she didn’t invite us to her wedding. We weren’t close friends. She wasn’t in need of emergency surgery. She wasn’t living on the street. She literally just texted him saying she “needed support,” and he sent her almost a thousand dollars without telling me.
When I kept asking questions, he got defensive and said, “You don’t get it, she’s special... she’s one of the good ones.” That sentence made my stomach drop.
I checked the bank app later because something felt off. I expected maybe one transfer. Instead, I found three. Not one $700 payment but three separate payments over the last two months. Almost $2,000 to a woman who didn’t bother to invite either of us to her wedding.
When I confronted him, he tried to twist it, saying, “Why are you so insecure? I’m just helping someone in need.”
But then came the part that broke me: I found messages between them. Nothing explicit, but definitely not normal for a married man. Lots of late-night texts, inside jokes, “You understand me better than anyone,” and even a message where she said, “You always show up for me, unlike other men.”
When I asked him directly if there was something going on, he didn’t say no. He just said, “It’s not what you think,” which is basically a yes in disguise. I don’t even know who this woman is anymore or who my husband is.
I feel humiliated, betrayed, and honestly stupid for not noticing sooner. I love him, but I can’t shake the feeling that he has crossed a line he can’t come back from.
Is it crazy that I’m thinking about divorce over this?
— Anna
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Well this is a creepy and horrifying comment that I desperately hope is bullsh*t!
I am DYING to know what that comment WAS. It has been removed, at least from my phone.
why did you excpect her to invite you to her wedding? Why
The point is, why would her husband give THAT MUCH money, to someone they were not very close to.
his wife brought this topic because THEY WERENT INVITED TO HER WEDDING
You and Nelli need to go on a date together. You both share a LACK OF SENSE.
Why is that directly relevant to OP's husband's decision to help her financially?
Yes, he's having at minimum an emotional affair. Yes, he's lying to his wife about a significant amount of money he gave this woman. Neither of those things has diddly squat to do with whether she was at their wedding or not, however.
I think that OP's point about the lack of invitation to the lendee's wedding is that the couple weren't even close enough to the lendee to score one. Has OP's husband lent the money, or has he gifted it?
Okay, fair point. I guess we could use a bit more information.
Why would you give almost 2 thousand dollars to someone you aren't even remotely close too?
You are CRAZY IF YOU STAY WITH HIM. Do you need to get run over by a truck? Whatever is going on with them, it is not just "helping one of the good ones"! Don't you check your bank account regularly? I check ours 3 times a week, because my card has been spoofed before, or whatever you call it. My husband ASKS me to check with the bank, if he didn't remember to get a receipt for gas or the pharmacy. WE CAN'T HIDE TRANSACTIONS FROM EACH OTHER. This dude is HIDING MORE THAN MISSING MONEY from you. Move on before you lose the rest of your money, and your jewelry and your half of your house. (Providing you own your own home) Just get out.
Divorce him and call lawyer to bleed him dry ?
You don't have to bleed him dry. Then you would be no better than him. Just get out.
"Sin must be paid with BLOOD"
That would have been my go to, several years ago. Since I have been involved in someone REALLY PAYING, WITH ACTUAL BLOOD, the results are something that haunt you forever.
deep breath dear deep breath
Actually the husband has done this to the wife! Worse without update or consent & lied 🤥🤥🤥
People often say, “Follow the money, and you’ll find the truth,” and sadly, that’s exactly what happened here. Secret transfers, emotional secrecy, and late-night messages aren’t just “helping a friend,” they’re major red flags in any relationship. Your instincts kicked in because something was wrong, and you listened to them. That takes strength, not insecurity.
Move your money into a separate individual account. Keep track of how much joint money he has taken. Yep, this is financial and emotional infidelity and he's minimizing it. I wouldn't trust him and I would contact a lawyer. He has shown you where his priorities lie.
Even if nothing physical happened, emotional intimacy with another woman (plus thousands of dollars and hidden communication) is a breach of trust. There’s a saying: “Truth lies at the bottom of the well.” And your husband hasn’t been honest, transparent, or respectful. You’re not imagining the disconnect; it’s right in front of you.
Girl my husband done that one time I cut it off before it really got out of control he got sick & this woman was trying to scam him out of his social security & I cut her off told her in no uncertain terms quit contacting my husband he doesn't owe u any money blocked her deleted everything so she couldn't contact him again that's what u need to do contact her tell her he is ur husband she married now leave urs alone stick with who she married get what ever money she wants from her husband not urs if she contacts him again for money put the police on her tail for scamming that's all it is scamming if u want to save ur marriage put ur foot down take the money out of that account & open it up just in ur name & ur name alone
Healthy partners don’t hide money transfers, get defensive, or make their spouse feel jealous or “crazy.” A good marriage means teamwork. It means shared choices. It means protecting each other, not prioritizing some random “special” woman over the person you promised your life to. You’re allowed to demand loyalty and transparency without apology.
Even if you’re considering divorce, don’t rush. Talk to a therapist, a lawyer, or someone you trust. Gather everything you need emotionally and practically. As the old phrase goes, “Knowledge is power.” The more you understand your options, the stronger you’ll feel.
We want to know: What would you tell Anna to do next? And for our community, have you ever faced a moment in your marriage where a secret financial act or a connection with a “special” coworker made you question everything? If you’ve been through a similar crisis, or even navigated the difficult path of divorce after a major betrayal, please share your experiences and insights to help Anna know she’s not alone. Your stories of recovery and resilience are so important!
If you try to hold on and let this betrayal go, he'll keep betraying you. Lying to you. Continuing his emotional affair with this woman. It's only a matter of time before he screws you over completely and leaves you for her. Secure your money now and leave on your terms. I'm sorry you're going through this, and I know it hurts, but he isn't who you thought he was.
