Many readers write to us about secret transfers, shady “friendships,” and partners who suddenly become generous with other people’s wallets. One woman recently wrote in after discovering her husband sent $700 to a woman who didn’t even invite them to her wedding, and the truth behind that “favor” shook her to the core.
My dearest Bright Side,
My name is Anna, I’m 35, and I feel like my marriage is falling apart over something I never expected.
Last week, my husband casually mentioned that he had sent $700 to a former coworker. He said it like he was telling me he bought a coffee. When I asked why, he told me she was “going through something” and “desperately needed help.”
The weird part is that she didn’t invite us to her wedding. We weren’t close friends. She wasn’t in need of emergency surgery. She wasn’t living on the street. She literally just texted him saying she “needed support,” and he sent her almost a thousand dollars without telling me.
When I kept asking questions, he got defensive and said, “You don’t get it, she’s special... she’s one of the good ones.” That sentence made my stomach drop.
I checked the bank app later because something felt off. I expected maybe one transfer. Instead, I found three. Not one $700 payment but three separate payments over the last two months. Almost $2,000 to a woman who didn’t bother to invite either of us to her wedding.
When I confronted him, he tried to twist it, saying, “Why are you so insecure? I’m just helping someone in need.”
But then came the part that broke me: I found messages between them. Nothing explicit, but definitely not normal for a married man. Lots of late-night texts, inside jokes, “You understand me better than anyone,” and even a message where she said, “You always show up for me, unlike other men.”
When I asked him directly if there was something going on, he didn’t say no. He just said, “It’s not what you think,” which is basically a yes in disguise. I don’t even know who this woman is anymore or who my husband is.
I feel humiliated, betrayed, and honestly stupid for not noticing sooner. I love him, but I can’t shake the feeling that he has crossed a line he can’t come back from.
Is it crazy that I’m thinking about divorce over this?
— Anna
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People often say, “Follow the money, and you’ll find the truth,” and sadly, that’s exactly what happened here. Secret transfers, emotional secrecy, and late-night messages aren’t just “helping a friend,” they’re major red flags in any relationship. Your instincts kicked in because something was wrong, and you listened to them. That takes strength, not insecurity.
Move your money into a separate individual account. Keep track of how much joint money he has taken. Yep, this is financial and emotional infidelity and he's minimizing it. I wouldn't trust him and I would contact a lawyer. He has shown you where his priorities lie.
Even if nothing physical happened, emotional intimacy with another woman (plus thousands of dollars and hidden communication) is a breach of trust. There’s a saying: “Truth lies at the bottom of the well.” And your husband hasn’t been honest, transparent, or respectful. You’re not imagining the disconnect; it’s right in front of you.
Girl my husband done that one time I cut it off before it really got out of control he got sick & this woman was trying to scam him out of his social security & I cut her off told her in no uncertain terms quit contacting my husband he doesn't owe u any money blocked her deleted everything so she couldn't contact him again that's what u need to do contact her tell her he is ur husband she married now leave urs alone stick with who she married get what ever money she wants from her husband not urs if she contacts him again for money put the police on her tail for scamming that's all it is scamming if u want to save ur marriage put ur foot down take the money out of that account & open it up just in ur name & ur name alone
Healthy partners don’t hide money transfers, get defensive, or make their spouse feel jealous or “crazy.” A good marriage means teamwork. It means shared choices. It means protecting each other, not prioritizing some random “special” woman over the person you promised your life to. You’re allowed to demand loyalty and transparency without apology.
Even if you’re considering divorce, don’t rush. Talk to a therapist, a lawyer, or someone you trust. Gather everything you need emotionally and practically. As the old phrase goes, “Knowledge is power.” The more you understand your options, the stronger you’ll feel.
We want to know: What would you tell Anna to do next? And for our community, have you ever faced a moment in your marriage where a secret financial act or a connection with a “special” coworker made you question everything? If you’ve been through a similar crisis, or even navigated the difficult path of divorce after a major betrayal, please share your experiences and insights to help Anna know she’s not alone. Your stories of recovery and resilience are so important!
