I Refuse to Babysit My Boyfriend and His Mom’s Response Made Me Question Everything

Family dynamics can get complicated, especially when you’re pulled into roles you never agreed to. In relationships, it’s easy for boundaries to blur—especially when parents get involved. When our reader told her boyfriend’s mom that she wasn’t his babysitter, she expected pushback—but the reaction she got was anything but expected.

Unexpected revelation.

Hi Bright Side,

My boyfriend quit his job 2 months ago and still refuses to look for a new one. I’m the one who supports us right now. All he does is watch TV. When I ask him to find something already, he told me that I was “material”.

Once, when I saw the bills, I lost it. Turns out he saw me as his babysitter. “I’m not supposed to be your babysitter!” I yelled. He just stared at me blankly, not saying a single word.

Mother’s expectations.

I was so fed up with it that one day I decided to tell his mom everything, hoping for some support — but it turned out she was just like him. She calmly said, “It’s nice he found someone to take care of him,” then handed me a paper from her purse.

It was a checklist she’d made years ago—things a partner should help him with, like waking him up and making sure he eats vegetables. I stared, stunned, as she added, a bit sheepishly, “I just always worried he wouldn’t manage on his own.”

Firm boundaries.

That’s when I calmly put the list down and told her that I love her son, but I didn’t sign up to be his life manager. I couldn’t believe his mom would rather have her son always need help with basic adult stuff than actually support him in becoming independent!

To my surprise, his dad chuckled awkwardly and said, “Guess it’s time we let the boy grow up.”

Caring girlfriend and a babysitter?

My boyfriend didn’t say much at first, but later that night, he apologized and asked me to help him be better — not by doing things for him, but by stepping back so he can handle things himself. I’m honestly relieved that he wants to grow, but now I’m not sure how to help him.

Should I just stop doing everything for him? Where’s the line between being a caring girlfriend and being a babysitter?

Thank you, for opening up about this complicated situation that has unsettled the balance within your family. We’ve gathered four pieces of advice to help you navigate these challenges, rebuild harmony, and reconnect with your loved ones.

Try to define your boundaries clearly.

Healthy boundaries define what is appropriate behavior in our relationships — behavior that keeps both parties safe. And setting healthy boundaries is crucial for self-care and positive relationships. Decide what you are and aren’t comfortable doing.

It’s fine to be supportive, but not at the expense of becoming someone’s parent. Communicate these boundaries gently but firmly.

Consider to talk about the long-term vision.

In relationships, communication allows you to explain to someone else what you are experiencing and what your needs are. The act of communicating not only helps to meet your needs, but it also helps you to be connected in your relationship.

Have an honest conversation about what you each want the partnership to look like. Do you both value independence, emotional maturity, shared responsibility? Make sure you’re aligned.

Try to celebrate small wins together.

Celebrating small wins together helps build trust and intimacy. This way you can change his vision and show that doing things together is way better, then alone. Maybe this way he can show interest to contribute.

When you acknowledge your partner’s efforts and successes, they feel understood and supported. This mutual recognition builds a deeper connection between you both. Acknowledging small victories also promotes a supportive environment.

Families are rarely simple—full of love, expectations, unspoken fears, and generations of habits passed down without question. Sometimes, those patterns quietly slip into our relationships, shaping roles we never agreed to play. What roles have you found yourself playing in your relationships that you never signed up for?