Family stories can stay with us long after the moments have passed. Some people grow up with support, while others grow up learning to survive on their own. The past can show up again when we think we’ve moved far beyond it. What seems simple on the outside can feel incredibly heavy beneath the surface.
Yeah my parents did the tought love deal. Nancy Reagan tough love tripe ruined a lot of lives. I didnt enough money for groceries and didnt qualify for food stamps or food banks because I had a job just a very low paying job. Back then the cheapest thing to eat was bologna and tuna fish. Can't touch bologna anymore and I rarely eat tuna fish because of it. Tough love was a whack idea a lady who didnt even properly take care of her own kids spreading a stupid idea
Hi Bright Side,
At 18, pregnant, my parents kicked me out. Ghosted me completely. I survived, raised my son, and became successful.
Then they appeared one morning like nothing ever happened and said, “We’re retired. Can we move in?” I looked at them and said, “You disowned me.” My dad smiled and replied, “It was tough love. Don’t be petty now.” I grinned back, trying to stay calm. “Sure, stay with me.”
But their smiles faded fast when I walked them not into my home, but into the small guesthouse I use only for storage. I told them gently that this was the only space I felt okay offering right now, and that I needed time before making any bigger decisions. Their faces said everything, and suddenly the reunion felt heavier.
Now I’m stuck between protecting the life I built and the guilt that tries to pull me backward. I don’t want revenge, but I also don’t want to reopen a wound I’ve worked years to heal. I need advice on how to move forward without feeling like I’m betraying myself or teaching my son that hurting someone is something we simply tolerate.
I want to act with kindness but also with wisdom, and I don’t know where that balance is. Any guidance would mean the world right now.
Yours,
Talia
Thank you, Talia, for trusting us with something so personal and layered. You’ve carried a lot on your own, and your feelings are valid. We hope the suggestions below help bring clarity, calm, and confidence as you choose what feels right for your heart and your future.
I think Shakespeare's Hamlet carried a pertinent answer: If each man is treated according to his deserts, which of us would escape whipping'. I agree, your parents deserve very little from you, BUT! I would suggest that part of the 'healing process' you've worked so hard at, is an absolute conviction that you will never treat another human being (perhaps even a dog or cat) in such an unfeeling manner; if that's so, there's a personal downside for you either way. I think upholding personal ethics under difficult conditions should.d be what we're all about, i suggest that you do that, for your peace of mind.
Tough love? That goes both ways. Find a retirement home and drop them off there.
We're you married 18 is too young im 10 my parents never think if that . Oh and the guesthouse was the right place . Why did they abandon you in the first place
They had years to apologize and help you out. They never did, not even when they were homeless and needed you to help them. Still no apology or attempt to make amends. Sounds like they deserve some tough love.
Gift them with tough love back and kick them out. Return that favour with a clear conscience.
I hope you're charging them rent, don't give them any money, pay any bills, do anything for them. Smile as you tell them you're just returning their own tough love.
If your parents need to move in with you, it means that they did not prepare for retirement. They made unwise decisions and got themselves in trouble... Hmmm, sounds like another situation. Seems like some tough love is needed here. They need to learn that actions have consequences and that they must live with the decisions they made in the past.... All of them. They need to learn to live within their means .. WITHOUT YOU.
Tell them there's this place called a care home. Its where unloved and unwanted people often end up
But they aint getting help from you
They gave up their daughter when they threw you out.
In my eyes you parents died that day.
Whoever showed up at you door are strangers. Treat them thay way
No is a complete sentence, your parents dumped you when you needed them the most. You don’t owe them the time of day. Concentrate on your child & yourself.
Don't let them move in. No is a complete sentence. Practice it looking in the mirror. NO NO NO! I think you're hoping they apologize but they won't. I went NC with family cause I was tired of their favoritism, meanness, unacceptable behavior. I'm 65 and I don't regret it.
Tough love my ass. Don't let them even or ever MOVE IN. If they establish themselves as residents at YOUR address, it will be almost impossible to get them out. They will ALSO start coming up with things that need to be repaired, and say that it is unlivable and they must move into the main house WITH YOU. Then it's just a hop, skip, and a jump to them refusing to leave your house. You may end up needing to sell, just to get rid of them. Tell them NO WAY IN HELL, and that it is TOUGH LOVE.
Your parents abandoned you. Tough love is your can't live here but we will be apart of your life. Your parents turned there back on you. A compromise now is they live in the guest house but you do not support them. That's boundaries without being mean. It's ok to say no, that doesn't mean you don't forgive them if you say no.
The thing is, if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. They ABANDONED you when you needed them MOST ! You owe them NOTHING but their own lesson in ‘TOUGH LOVE!’ It could get painful, messy, untenable and horribly impossible if you give them a foothold in the guesthouse……DON’T DO IT!!
Teach your son what happened at your past. Because there's high chance your parents use him to attack you. Let him hate your parents, better compared he being manipulated and hate you.
Give yourself time to let the shock of their return settle. Emotional memories don’t disappear just because the people who caused them show up again. Give your heart a moment to sort through what feels real today versus what still echoes from the past. You deserve space before making any decisions that impact your peace.
Consider what your son has seen you overcome. Your decisions now are part of the story he learns about boundaries, kindness, and self-respect. Showing compassion doesn’t mean giving up your peace. Showing strength doesn’t mean shutting people out completely.
I wouldn't let them stay in the guesthouse. They abandoned you at a vulnerable time. Protect yourself first. Tough love? More like self preservation.
Don’t rush yourself into forgiveness that doesn’t feel genuine. Healing has its own rhythm, and forcing it only creates pressure where softness is needed. Let forgiveness be something that grows naturally if it chooses to come. You’re allowed to honor your own timing.
Let your next steps be guided by who you want to become, not who they expect you to be. You’ve already broken a cycle by building a life full of safety and love for your son. Whatever you choose now, choose it with the calm confidence you earned through years of surviving and rising. Your story is still yours to shape.
And if you need a reminder that goodness still exists in simple, everyday moments, our next article might lift your heart. In these stories, tiny acts of kindness changed someone’s day in unexpected and beautiful ways. These moments show how even the smallest gesture can ripple farther than we think.
Don't let them move in. Turn and give them back their own message. Tough love. If they can't make it on their retirement point them to the employment office. You owe them nothing. My parents pulled the tough love on me but pampered my brother so you owe them nothing. They made their bed. Dont let them guilt you into anything. Remind them that when you needed them they kicked you out. You are returning the favor. You have to protect yourself and more importantly your son. Because they will tell him lies. That's what mine did. Never helped me and then told my brother lies like I wouldnt accept their help or I refused the money they offered. They are not nice people. Put your son and you first.
