I Refused to Have My MIL on Another Trip If She Won’t Babysit—Her Slapback Was Brutal

They invited MIL along for a supposedly relaxing family trip—sun, rest, and a little help with the baby. But vacations mean different things to different people... and not everyone showed up for the same one.

We invited MIL to our vacation so she could help with our newborn and enjoy some sun. She happily agreed. But every time we asked for help, she said she was “on vacation too.” The final straw? She booked a dolphin cruise for herself during the exact time we had scheduled our only baby-free dinner.

She came back smiling with souvenirs while we sat outside a closed restaurant with a crying baby. My husband told her we’d never rely on her again. Her response? “I actually didn’t come to babysit, but to take some free time for myself. Next time, get a nanny”. Oh, we will!

Now I’m stuck, wondering if I should even bother saying something. Part of me wants to call her out — like, seriously? You came to “help” but spent the whole trip on your own schedule? But my husband thinks it’s not worth it and that she’ll just act offended. I don’t want to start drama, but I also don’t want her to think that was normal. So...do I bring it up and risk more drama, or just quietly move on and keep my distance?

-Mona

We’re truly sorry that you went through such a disappointing experience; inviting someone to help and ending up feeling unsupported can be both hurtful and exhausting, especially with a newborn in tow. It’s understandable to feel conflicted about whether to address it or just move on.

That said, we’ve pulled together a few suggestions that might help you navigate the situation and set clearer boundaries in the future.

• Rebrand future invites. Next time, don’t call it “helping.” Call it what it is “a family trip where we’ll be busy with the baby.” That way, no one can claim they didn’t understand the assignment.
• Send a “schedule preview.” Before any trip, casually share your itinerary, including your “baby-free” dinner. If someone books a dolphin cruise right on top of that, it’s on them.
• Use her own words next time. If she ever offers to “help,” just smile and say, “Oh, don’t worry we wouldn’t want to interrupt your vacation.” Let her feel that mirror moment.

• Limit shared responsibility. Instead of expecting ongoing help, ask for one or two defined times. People are more reliable with short, clear tasks than with open-ended “helping out.”
• Don’t mix “help” and “vacation.” If the goal is real support, invite her at a time that’s not a vacation. Sun and relaxation can make anyone forget they’re supposed to be on baby duty.
• Keep money separate. If you’re paying for her stay or covering part of the trip, it’s fair to expect some help, but if it’s her own vacation, expect her to do her own thing. Clarifying that ahead of time keeps expectations clean.

• Use quiet honesty afterward. You don’t need a dramatic confrontation. A calm “We were a bit disappointed, we really needed that dinner break,” says enough without creating a fight.
• Adjust next time without guilt. If she wasn’t dependable this time, take her off the “helper” list next time. You can still include her, just not in a role that requires reliability.

• Focus on teamwork with your partner. Agree together beforehand what kind of help you’ll need and what to do if it doesn’t happen. That way, you’re united in the moment, not arguing later.
• Plan your own downtime next trip. Instead of depending on someone else, build in small rest windows a stroller nap walk, an early bedtime trade-off, or an in-room dinner. Sometimes, self-reliance is less stressful than waiting for unreliable help.

Inviting family can sound nice in theory, but if everyone’s idea of “help” is different, no one has a good time. We’ve actually covered a similar story, and it hits the same note: you can love family and still say no to chaos.