I Refuse to Let My DIL Treat My Home Like a Restaurant

Family relationships are tough. But they can get even harder when there are in-laws or children from previous relationships involved. It can be a recipe for disaster if both collide, as our reader, Mandy, found out. Her relationship with her DIL is strained because of the children from a previous relationship.

This is Mandy’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

I’ve always tried to be a good MIL. I babysit my grandchildren while their parents are at work, plan family gatherings, and help with everything my son and his wife might need. But lately things have gone too far.

My son and DIL have been struggling with money after her ex stopped paying child support. So I have picked up some of the slack. The children now come over more often and eat more of their meals at my house.

It’s not something I have a problem with. But the two children she has from her previous relationship have started acting out after the problems with their dad started. They have picked up some rotten attitudes and have started taking things without asking.

When they are at my house, they are constantly eating. I tried to stop them, but now they’re just going behind my back. Two weeks ago my DIL dropped them off while I baked a birthday cake for a friend and the next day, I was horrified to see that they had eaten the whole thing. I brought it up with my DIL, but she acted like there was nothing wrong.

She said, “They’re kids who are growing up fast. They need to eat.” I agree and won’t stop them, but I can’t keep doing everything myself. So I asked her to at least help with the care of her children. She can cook some days too or put some money toward the grocery bill.

When I mentioned that, she went off at me. She told me that I’m playing favorites because I’m only complaining about those two and not my granddaughter. I told her it wasn’t true. I don’t complain about my granddaughter because she hasn’t done anything wrong. She always asks if she wants something.

Since that day, she brings the children over less, and she barely speaks to me. I spoke to my son and told him it’s unfair. I love all three of the children. All I’m asking for is some help because I’m living off my pension and my food cost has gone up dramatically over the last few weeks.

It has gotten so bad that I have to hide food otherwise I won’t have anything for myself. And that’s without mentioning the treats. They think I’m not buying any treats anymore because they go through at least one pack a day.

So Bright Side, what must I do? I feel really bad about asking my son for money. But I can’t go on feeding the children so much on the money I get. Is it bad for me to want some help?

Regards,
Mandy S.

Some advice from our team.

Dear Mandy,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. We understand how difficult a situation like this one can be and how much stress it's putting you under.

It seems like your DIL has thrown the situation out of context, but that might not be deliberate. Remember that your son and DIL are facing a lot of financial strain at the moment. Child support for two children adds up, and losing it can lead to major setbacks.

It could be that she's just under a lot of pressure, and she knows she's putting some of that pressure on you too. Maybe she just didn't realize that it was affecting you as much as it is. In this situation, things aren't simple. There's no black and white or right and wrong.

You've spoken to your son, and he's agreed to contribute, which is exactly what you have been asking for. Now it's time to mend the other fence. Tell your DIL she took things the wrong way and make peace. You don't want her to get into more financial trouble because she's feeling uncomfortable.

Mandy’s story shows that sometimes trouble just can’t be avoided. When stress is involved, people act out, but not everything is done out of malice. Sometimes a break is all it takes.

But Mandy isn’t the only one in an in-law feud. Another one of our readers, Vanessa, reached out to share her story. She forbade her MIL from visiting after the incident between them. Read the full story here.