I Refuse to Let My Stepson Trash My Cooking While Praising His Mom’s

Blended families aren’t built overnight. Sometimes the smallest, most ordinary moments turn into the place where all the unspoken tensions finally surface. Our reader, Lianne (38, F), wrote to us about a recent dilemma she faced with her stepson.

The letter.

Dear Bright Side,

My husband (42) has a son (10) from his previous marriage. This is my first marriage and I don’t have any kids. I have to admit, I did want to win over my stepson, so when he first started spending weekends with us, I’d look up kid-friendly recipes, grocery shop with him in mind, and time dinner so it would be warm the moment he arrived. I know he already has a mom but I wanted him to like me too and I thought food would win him over.

Things didn’t go as planned.

My husband realised what I was doing and made it a point to tell my stepson that I’m making an effort for him. I think he thought it would help my stepson bond with me but his plan backfired. The next weekend he was over, he brought food from his mom’s house and said his mum had made his favorite food and he couldn’t leave it behind. I had spent the afternoon cooking for him but I laughed it off. The second time, I told myself it was just comfort food. By the sixth or seventh visit, the pattern was impossible to ignore.

My husband tried to step in.

When my husband realised what was happening, he tried to talk to his son but he just said “mom’s a better cook” and claimed my food gave him a tummy ache. I’m a trained chef, but I didn’t say anything. My husband didn’t want to push it either since he was worried his son would stop coming over.

I asked his mom for help.

Maybe it’s a little childish but I really wanted my stepson to like me. I phoned his mom and asked her for the recipe for his favorite pasta that his dad said he never refused. I chopped, sautéed, tasted, and retasted. When I served it, he took a single bite, scrunched up his face, and said, “Gross. Mom’s tastes so much better.” It wasn’t the words. It was the casualness like my effort didn’t even register as effort. That’s when I realized I’ve had enough.

My house, my rules.

That night, my husband and I had a long conversation. As much as I wanted my stepson to like me, I realized he needed to respect me first. The next morning, I told him that since he preferred his mom’s food so strongly, he could eat at her place before coming over from now on. He said nothing but when he got home that day, I received an angry call from his mom. She told me that I was making my son feel unwelcome in his own father’s house. She was annoyed that I was doing this after she shared her “secret” recipe. I tried to tell her what he said about the pasta but she wouldn’t listen. Finally. I simply told her, ’It’s my house, so my rules,’ before hanging up.

I’m firm but my husband is worried.

i know I did the right thing. I understand he is a child but I don’t want to tolerate disrespect to win him over. My husband thinks I overreacted and is worried that my stepson will stop coming over. His ex-wife thinks I’m a dictator but I refuse to budge.

Tell me, Bright Side, am I in the wrong here?

Lianne

Here’s what we think.

Lianne, thanks for sending in your story. Blended family situations are rarely simple, and it takes honesty to talk about them. You handled things in a balanced way: firm when you needed to be, but still fair. Here are a few more things to keep in mind:

• Stepparent—stepchild tension can show up in small habits. Kids sometimes cling to a biological parent’s routines, like preferring their mom’s cooking as a way of feeling secure. It’s not always about the food itself, but about navigating loyalty and change.

• There’s an unspoken loyalty bind kids carry. Children in blended families often worry that liking a stepmom’s cooking or bonding with her at all might hurt their mom. It’s an emotional tug-of-war they don’t have words for. Giving them permission to love both adults without guilt is what truly frees them.

• Trying too hard to be liked. Stepparents often want to be accepted right away, but pushing for closeness too quickly can overwhelm kids. Experts say it’s better to move slowly, focus on connection rather than control, and let the relationship build naturally. When you stop forcing harmony, kids feel safer and real trust has a chance to grow.

Stepparents and stepchildren can have a beautiful bond; all it takes is a little patience. Here are stories of 15 stepkids who showed that true family isn’t defined by genes.