Family money issues can be complicated, especially when they mix with relationships and expectations. Many people feel stressed when financial responsibilities aren’t clearly defined, often sparking debates about fairness and boundaries. When stepfamilies are involved, emotions and trust add even more tension. Recently, someone reached out to us with a personal letter on this very subject.
Hi Bright Side,
I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years. I’m childfree, but he has one daughter, Mila, who is turning 18.
Mila is going to college soon, and she chose a pricey one. My husband wants me to help him with the tuition because I earn more than him. He had never asked me for anything regarding her expenses, but I guess college was something he really needed my help with.
I never wanted any kids myself because I don’t want the burden, and he knows it well. So, I told him, “Do I look like a walking ATM? Your kid’s education is not my responsibility. Let her go to a community college.”
He smirked, said “Okay” and then left the room. I went out of the house, thinking that the issue was settled.
A couple of hours later, I came back home and froze: my husband had packed his things in boxes, and they were near the entry hall.
He looked at me and said, “Now you will be more comfortable in the house. I decided to move out with Mila so that you don’t have to carry any responsibilities.”
His plan was to move into a much smaller studio and use the rent he pays for our fancy house to cover his daughter’s tuition.
Just like that, he decided to leave our home and let me live there all by myself, as if I were a stranger to him! I couldn’t say anything because I was in shock.
It’s been a week, and I haven’t heard from him. I don’t know what to do.
Does he have the right to pressure me to contribute to his daughter’s tuition?
My money is mine, I earned it, and I should have the freedom to do what I want with it... and what I want is to spend it on myself!
Any advice for me?
Denise
You are going to have to let him go. If he will pack up and pout over his daughter's pricey tuition, he'll leave you over anything. Where is her mother??? Why isn't she helping? It isn't your responsibility. Period!!
what a jerk for a husband!
Thank you, Denise, for sharing your story with us. We understand how shocking and painful it must have been to see your husband walk out so suddenly over this issue.
Your feelings are valid, and the situation deserves to be taken seriously. Here are 4 tips that might help you navigate what comes next.
His daughter's education costs are her responsibility. If her dad and mother (if she's alive) can help if they're able. If you earn more, then probably you paid more expenses in your household. Your husband is acting like a spoiled brat, walking out without further discussion or possible compromise. Maybe he's been looking for an exit and this was a convenient excuse. Don't give in to his blackmail. This is clearly not just about money. Sounds like there's something else going on. I was a stepmom to two teen girls who lived full time with their dad. I bent over backwards for them and the marriage. I got walked all over. So my opinion may be affected by that horrible experience. Listen to your gut and don't allow yourself to be manipulated or bullied to do this in order to save the marriage. Based on his IMO immature behavior that ship may have already sailed.
Ummmmm technically she DID sign up to be a step parent when she CHOSE to marry a man with a kid. If you don't want the responsibility of kids you sure as s@%t don't marry someone who has any. He's a Father FIRST; his daughter was in his life longer than you have been, and a husband second. She disrespected his daughter and his relationship with said daughter. Sure he could have gone about having a conversation about helping with tuition BUT maybe he thought you saw his daughter as family and wouldn't have an issue helping. Sorry but I side with the husband for supporting his daughter and it's his choice on how he chooses to help her pay for school so she's not saddled with debt. I probably have an unpopular opinion about this but I'm coming from a step parent side BUT neither my husband or I saw our kids as yours/mine/ours; 3 from previous marriages and 1 together, they're ALL ours.
This really isn't about the money. It's about family.
Your stepdaughter is part of a package deal. When you married, you knew that your husband had a child. If you can't treat her as part of your family, you don't deserve either of them.
Here’s another example of the challenges that can arise in blended families. A reader shared her story about refusing to let her stepdaughter move in, explaining that her own daughter’s comfort had to come first.
Thank you husband for making this decision for me. Now that we're getting a divorce I don't have to pay for anything that involves your daughter anymore, not just her tuition, I also no longer have to contribute to her home, feeding her, clothing her, making sure she has heat and hot water, spending money entertainment, or anything else.
