I Refuse to Pay Into My Stepson’s College Fund—I’m Not His ATM

Being part of a blended family can stir up a lot of emotions, especially when there are biological kids in the mix as well. One of our readers reached out to share a recent experience he had with his stepson. Things took a turn when his wife uncovered the real reason for the shift.

This is Freddy’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

My wife and I have been married for 13 years and have 2 kids together. My wife also has a son from a previous relationship. For years, we were the family I hoped we’d be, but recently things took a turn for the worst.

We decided to open a college fund for the kids. I paid 70% of the agreed amount for our 2 kids, and she paid for her son. It was going well for a few years, but then her son found the account statement and he snapped.

He said I was being unfair and treating my kids better because they were my blood. That I was treating him like extra luggage because he had a different father. I tried to explain that it was actually his mom’s choice. She had spoken to his dad, and they were splitting his share between them.

But he didn’t want to hear it. He disappeared for a few days after that, and when he returned things were just as tense. He refused to speak to me or his mom, and only spoke to my kids if he really had to. My wife tried to find out what was going on, but he just brushed her off.

Later that day, my wife gave me her phone and said, “He hid this from us.” She was furious, so I knew it couldn’t be good. I saw a series of texts between her and her ex, and I was shocked by the discussion. Turns out, my stepson went to his dad and told him we never saved up for his college fund.

His dad was demanding proof of the account since he was paying 50% toward his son and my wife was paying the rest. My wife sent him the statements proving that the money was in fact in a college fund for him. I believe he just did this to get more money out of us, but my wife isn’t sure.

Now my stepson is accusing his mom of going behind his back and lying to his dad, which she never did. But he says he wants to move in with his dad because he doesn’t trust us anymore. So Bright Side, what do you think? Should we let him go?

Regards,
Freddy K.

Some advice from our Editorial team.

Dear Freddy,

Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing your story.

Before you decide whether to let her son move in with his father, you and your wife need to slow the situation down and address the misunderstanding head-on. Because right now her son isn’t reacting to the money, he’s reacting to a story he built in his head.

He found the account, misread the numbers, assumed the worst, and instead of asking for clarity, he went to the one place where he expected unconditional validation, his dad.

When his dad reacted with anger, it confirmed her son’s fears and locked him into a narrative where he’s the “outsider child” and you and his mom are the villains. The smartest next step isn’t to argue with him or force him to stay, it’s to rebuild the sense of safety he lost.

Sit down with her son privately, not to defend yourselves, but to show him the full picture: the agreement between his parents, the statements, and the fact that his mom has been advocating for him quietly for years.

Then acknowledge the emotional reality behind his reaction, that he felt excluded and less valued, even if that wasn’t true.

A hurt feeling doesn’t disappear just because the facts say it shouldn’t exist. If, after that conversation, he still wants to try living with his dad, consider agreeing under the condition that you all keep communication open and revisit the arrangement later.

At his age, attempting to force him to stay will only deepen the wedge, but showing him that you’re still his support system, even while he’s angry, is what ultimately pulls kids back home.

Freddy finds himself in a very difficult situation, but with care and attention his family can get out of this with minimal damage. He isn’t the only one with family struggles, though.

Another one of our readers reached out to share their experience. Read the full story here: I Raised My Stepson Alone for 10 Years—Then He Broke Me to Pieces.