I Refuse to Tip My Rude Waitress, She Needs to Learn Some Manners

Many people believe that good service deserves good tips, and they’re usually happy to reward kindness with generosity. But when that respect isn’t returned, it raises the question: should you still tip someone who’s rude? One Reddit user recently shared their experience with a waitress whose attitude crossed the line, and it sparked debate about when it’s okay to withhold a tip and stand up for yourself.

Check out his story:

“I went out to dinner with my wife last night. When the bill came, I gave the waitress my card. She came back shortly after, looking upset. She slapped the card down on the table and said, ’Declined.’ I thought her tone and brevity was rude.

I took out a different card from my wallet and handed it to her. While I was putting the first card in my wallet, she didn’t move. I looked at her and said, ’You okay?’ She said, ’If I go back and try to run this, are you still going to be sitting here when I get back?’

I asked her if she thought her tone was appropriate for speaking to customers. She said, ’You’re only a customer if you pay.’ I asked to speak to her manager.”

“She left with the card. My wife said maybe the waitress had encountered scammers before and was anxious about it. I said being rude and being cautious are two different things. The waitress returned with my card and the slip to fill out. She said, ’This one worked. I’m sorry.’

I thanked her and took the booklet. Our bill was $91.17. I wrote in 83¢ as the tip and $92 as the total. I handed it back to her and started to get up to leave. She said, ’You’re really not going to tip me?’ I said, ’No, you were rude to me.’

She said, ’I have to tip out the bartender and the busboy. I just paid money to serve you.’ I said, ’Well, in the future you shouldn’t be so rude.’

My wife thinks I was bad to the waitress and should have given her ten bucks at least, because it was an honest misunderstanding. I would have given her $28.83 if she wasn’t rude to me, but I don’t want to pay to be insulted. Was I wrong to do this?”

Lots of people joined the conversation and shared what they thought about the situation.

• “Servers have control over one thing during a meal: They cannot control food quality, timely delivery (for the most part), or available menu selections. Servers control their manners. This server failed.” © JustTheFacts714 / Reddit
• “I put myself through the last two years of college waitressing. I had bad experiences sometimes where people skipped out on bills. Or tipped horribly, and I went home with far less than I should have, even though I was kind and helpful and worked really hard for that table.
  I was still always nice. Especially when a card was declined. That’s embarrassing for the person paying, especially if they are on a date (my restaurant was a popular date hotspot). I’m not going to pile on and make it worse.
  The right thing to do is politely say, ’I’m sorry, I tried a couple times, and it’s coming back declined, do you have a different card you’d like me to try?’ If they are confused I’d even give them an out — sometimes if you are traveling or a big purchase just went through they put a hold on your account — feel free to give them a call back there (point to back of restaurant). Credit card companies are the worst.
  If they gave me attitude about it, I’d bring in my manager. But 9/10 times, just by being super chill and acting like this happens all the time and credit card companies are at fault, I’d actually get a larger tip for bailing the guy out of an awkward situation.” © Late_Resource_1653 / Reddit
• “Former server here, and I wouldn’t have even left the 83 cents.” © TheDCMuppetMu****** / Reddit

• “I used to work retail at a store where people would try and scam us with checks by signing their name really hard and thick, crossing over the account number on the bottom. This would often cause the register to scan the check improperly.
  Or likewise, I worked at a restaurant where the occasional credit card would get declined. I would always simply say, ‘I’m sorry, it seems our system is having an issue with the check or the magnetic strip on the back, do you have an alternate form of payment?’
  Don’t blame the customer. Blame the technology. The scammers would throw a fit. The legit customers would say, ’Oops.’” © APartyInMyP**** / Reddit
• “You also asked for her manager, and she didn’t bring them over. Even more reason why you were right.” © TerribleBumblebee800 / Reddit
• “I NEVER approach a guest with a declined card with rudeness or hostility. We have a lot of foreigners come in and those are the cards that most often decline, sometimes it’s a safety on the banks end, and sometimes it’s just our machine. I always say something along the lines of, ’I’m so sorry my reader is having a hard time with this card, do you have another one I can try?’ Sometimes it’s as simple as them answering a safety alert text and running it again, sometimes I try a different POS, and it works fine, but I would never handle it the way your server did.” © greent67 / Reddit

• “I’ve been a server, so I never go out if I can’t afford to tip. I know how rough it is out there, and I’m always sympathetic to the overworked service industry. I was with some friends at a local diner and the waitress took 10 minutes to get to the table, and never came back until the check came.
  She didn’t even bring our food, it was somebody else. At one point, I was trying to get her attention for a refill...she ignored me and was standing chatting with other servers at the food station.
  I finally got one hardworking busboy to grab me a refill. I tipped the busboy several bucks. I left the waitress nothing. I still don’t feel even the slightest bit bad about it.” © Moral_A******t / Reddit
• “She called you a criminal for literally no reason. She also never brought the manager over. Here is a tip for all servers, the tip is based on your service, actions and quality you provide.
  Stop expecting it to be 20+% and doing a half job. It’s not the customer’s fault you decided to choose an industry where your wage is tied to tips.” © Big_lt / Reddit
• “I would take it one step further, call the restaurant, tell them what happened, say that you asked to speak with a manager, and she did not bring a manager to you. So you want to let the manager know about her treatment of you so that this doesn’t happen to other customers and potentially ruin their business reputation.” © thornynh**** / Reddit

• “There are more reasons than just lack of funds why a card would be declined. I’ve been surprised by my card being declined, and the only time it was labelled insufficient funds was when my account had been compromised.
  Every other time it was a technical glitch with a machine not recognizing my correct pin and locking me out. The server’s attitude was completely unwarranted, and she got what she deserved.” © lw4444 / Reddit

What would you do in his position? Have you ever experienced something similar?

Family dinners are usually warm and joyful, but for one Reddit user, things took a turn when her in-laws insisted that she pay for everyone.