I Refused to Adopt My Husband’s Orphaned Sister—He Made Me Pay

Adoption can be a beautiful act of love — but when it’s unexpected, emotionally charged, and comes during a life-changing moment like pregnancy, it can turn into a source of deep conflict. Balancing grief, loyalty, and the needs of a growing family isn’t easy, especially when partners have different views on what “family” should look like.

One of our readers recently wrote to us about a heartbreaking decision she faced when her husband asked her to adopt his orphaned sister.

Serena’s letter:

Dear Bright Side,

My husband just lost his mom after a sudden illness. She was also a single mom to a 6 y.o. girl. My husband wants us to adopt his sister, or else she’ll be sent to foster care.

I said, “It’s too much to ask! I’m pregnant, we’re about to start our own family!”

But I was shocked when he said, “You will not decide my sister’s future. That’s my job!” I asked him what he meant, but he went quiet.

That night, at 3 a.m., I woke up to my husband’s voice speaking in the kitchen. I froze when I went and saw his sister in there.

I told him that I did not agree to this, and he said, “My sister is my family! If you don’t agree to this, then you don’t deserve to be a part of this family!”

I didn’t know what to say and went back to bed. I couldn’t sleep that night. The next day, he was still firm in his decision. He said that I could leave if I wanted.

I am devastated... I am carrying his child, and all he cares about is his sister. He can’t put me in such a position. He is all of a sudden forcing me to care for a child that is not mine.

I didn’t sign up for this when we got married. I feel completely lost and stuck.

What should I do?

—Serena

Hi Serena,

This is a deeply emotional and complex situation, thank you for sharing it with us. Here are 4 distinct tips that we hope could help you navigate this situation.

Consult a family lawyer to clarify your rights.

Your husband has made a life-changing decision without your consent by bringing his sister into your home and planning to adopt her. You’re pregnant and didn’t agree to become a guardian.

A family lawyer can help you understand your legal position, especially in case your name is added to any paperwork or if custody arrangements impact your parental rights. You’re not obligated to take on this role without formal agreement.

Create physical and emotional space to think clearly.

Your husband gave you an ultimatum—either accept his sister or leave—which is incredibly destabilizing while you’re expecting. It may be necessary to spend a few days away (with a friend, relative, or alone) to process everything without pressure.

This isn’t abandoning your relationship—it’s pausing to protect your mental health and pregnancy while you think about what you truly want and need.

Suggest a temporary trial setup with clear boundaries.

If you’re not ready to commit to adopting his sister, propose a short-term arrangement—perhaps 60–90 days—where she stays with you both under agreed conditions.

During this time, you can jointly assess whether this dynamic is workable, get support services involved, and revisit the conversation without being forced into a permanent decision under stress.

Push for immediate couples counseling.

Your husband is making unilateral choices and emotionally pressuring you, which isn’t sustainable or respectful in a partnership. A licensed therapist can help you both unpack your feelings—his grief, your fear and resentment—and guide you in finding a path that doesn’t destroy your marriage.

This situation is about more than just the adoption—it’s about how decisions are made as a couple.

Dana, another one of our readers, has also shared her story with us recently. Dana was banned from meeting her first grandson for 6 months. When she finally decided to take matters into her own hands, she was shocked by an unsettling truth.