When I married my husband, I knew he had a daughter. So I did what many stepparents do: I stayed supportive, helped out where I could. Over time, my stepdaughter and I built a decent bond.
But suddenly, my husband wants me to legally adopt her. I refuse, and I have my solid reasons.
Hi Bright Side readers! If you’re a mother or have children of your own, I think you’ll understand why I made the hard decision of not adopting my stepdaughter. Here’s my story.
My husband has a 3-year-old daughter from his previous marriage, Daisy. She’s the sweetest little girl. Her mother died in a tragic car accident recently. It was the kind of news that makes the world stop. My husband was devastated.
Daisy’s mother, Sarah, had full custody before, and we only met Daisy on special occasions or rare “allowed” days when my husband’s ex had to go out of town. It was a nice thing we had going, and I didn’t mind it at all.
Now, with Sarah’s passing, my husband wants full custody of their daughter. Interestingly, Sarah had previously mentioned at the time of their child custody battle that in case something happens to her, she wants her parents to take care of Daisy, not my husband.
Sarah’s parents, being retired, agreed to my husband’s request of letting Daisy move in with us. He didn’t consult this move with me, but I stayed quiet; the last thing his little girl needed was more instability.
But once custody was sorted and transferred, my husband came to me with a second request, one that hit me harder than I expected.
My husband is begging me to adopt her. He says she needs a mother, a family, something whole again. And while I understand his heart, I didn’t expect the pressure to hit so fast, or so hard.
When I gently explained that I’m not ready and told him that I want my own babies someday, things escalated quickly. He looked at me and yelled, “If you don’t accept her, who will?”
That child has already lost one parent. My refusal isn’t about rejecting her, it’s about honoring her real mother’s memory and choice, while also acknowledging my own emotional readiness. I’ve always dreamed of becoming a mom. But adoption, especially under these traumatic circumstances, is a lifelong commitment that should come from clarity, not guilt or grief.
Still, my choice has turned me into the villain. Yesterday, I overheard my MIL and husband talking. She was suggesting he divorce me and find “a more suitable woman” who is “not heartless” and could be a mother to Daisy. I
t breaks my heart that the people I’ve loved so dearly are now planning to throw me out of their lives. Am I really the bad guy here? I’d love to hear your honest opinions. Thank you for reading so far.
In one of our previous letters, a woman wrote to us and shared her personal story, asking the readers for opinions. Read it here: I Refuse to Help My Sick Mother—She Needs a Harsh Reality Check
Imo the last thing Daisy needs, after losing her mother, is to be told "Look, here's your new mommy." Suggest to your husband that he instead finds a therapist for her. Don't let him insist that she call you mommy. Let her do it or not do it, at her own pace.
Tell him, and his mommy, that you can still love her and be there without adopting her. Sadly I'm afraid you're heading for a divorce. I feel for this poor girl. Insist on a therapist for her and one for him.
