I Refused to Change My Day Off for My Coworker—Even Though She Was Getting Married

Our reader, Shelley, wrote to us feeling conflicted after turning down a coworker’s request to swap shifts, despite the fact that she was getting married. Shelley stood firm on keeping her scheduled day off, but now wonders if she was being selfish or simply setting healthy boundaries. She is asking for advice on whether she did the right thing, or if she should have made an exception for such a special occasion.

Here’s her letter:

Hello Bright Side,

I had a problem with a coworker and I don’t know what to do. Here’s what happened.

I worked at the store with Jessica, a coworker I disliked. Our days off were set a month ahead, but she asked me to switch mine for her wedding. I refused. After I heard her crying on the phone, but to my surprise, she walked in smiling and said, “I’ve got everything under control now.”

My manager called soon after and said, “I know there’s some tension between you and Jessica, and I’ve come up with a solution. You both can keep the same day off, but Jessica will make up for it by working extra hours later in the week, since she already had a day off before.”

After a few months, Jessica got promoted to supervisor. Her behavior changed—she gave me the worst shifts and undermined my work, making my job harder.

Why is she treating me this way after everything that happened? Should I confront her, or will it make things worse?

Sincerely,
Shelley

Emotional manipulation at workplace.

Workplace manipulation occurs when a boss or coworker uses tactics like guilt or coercion to exploit others. Traits such as narcissism can signal manipulative behavior. Recognizing this can help us better understand difficult dynamics at work. Staying honest and self-aware helps maintain healthy professional relationships.

Coping with passive-aggressive behavior.

When addressing difficult behavior at work, it’s more effective to focus on specifics rather than generalizations or labels. Instead of saying things like, “You’re always like this,” refer to specific actions you’ve observed and explain how they made you feel or impacted your work. Avoid using accusatory language or labels such as “passive-aggressive,” as these can make the other person defensive and shut down meaningful conversation.

Resolving workplace grudges.

Workplace frustrations are inevitable, but letting them build into long-term grudges can harm productivity and team morale. To move forward, try giving others the benefit of the doubt—most people don’t intentionally cause harm. Encourage open, honest conversations when issues arise, even if they feel awkward at first.

Remind employees that their perspective isn’t the only one, and help them understand that what may seem like favoritism could be private accommodation. Choose a private setting for sensitive discussions to maintain professionalism. Over time, fostering a respectful team culture with shared goals can help prevent grudges from forming in the first place.

Asserting boundaries can be misinterpreted.

Setting healthy boundaries at work is essential for maintaining mental well-being and ensuring a sustainable work-life balance. It involves clearly communicating your limits, such as not checking emails after work hours or declining tasks when your schedule is full. It’s important to have open discussions with your manager about workload expectations and to seek clarity on priorities to prevent burnout.

Additionally, creating a dedicated workspace and minimizing distractions can help reinforce these boundaries, especially when working from home. By proactively establishing and maintaining these limits, you can foster a healthier, more productive work environment.

Here’s what you can do to navigate the situation:

To handle the tension with your coworker, here are a few steps you can take:

• Document the behavior: Keep track of specific incidents, including dates and details. This can be useful if things escalate.
• Talk it out: Request a calm, private conversation to express how the situation has been affecting you. Focus on solutions, not blame.
• Go to HR if needed: If the issue continues, bring your concerns (and notes) to HR for support.

Keep doing your job well. It shows maturity and protects your position.