I Refused to Give My Stepdaughter Money — Now She Accuses Me of Playing Favorites

Treating your stepchildren like your own can be tricky. Astrid thought she was doing the right thing by not giving her stepdaughter money, even though her son gets a weekly allowance. She hopes to teach her stepdaughter a valuable lesson about responsibility but is now questioning if she made the right decision. To find reassurance, Astrid decided to contact Bright Side for advice.

Thank you, Astrid, for sharing your story. We know teaching a teenager about money is tough, especially when she feels like she’s not being treated fairly. We’ve gathered some expert advice that we hope will help you find the right approach with your stepdaughter.

Talk it through.

Take the time to sit down with your stepdaughter for an honest and open conversation. It’s important to explain why you’ve chosen not to give her money directly and to emphasize that your decision is based on principles, not favoritism.

Begin by acknowledging her feelings and the challenges she’s facing. This will show her that you truly understand her points of view. Then, make it clear that your decision doesn’t reflect how much you care about her but rather an effort to teach her essential life lessons about the value of money and the benefits of hard work. Let her know that, just like your son, who earns his allowance by doing chores, you want her to learn and appreciate the effort that goes into earning money.

Set up chores.

Come up with a clear list of household chores your stepdaughter can take on to earn money. You might include things like helping out with cooking, tidying up shared spaces, keeping her room organized, or lending a hand in the garden. By giving her specific duties, you’re offering her tangible ways to contribute to the household and earn her own allowance. This method teaches her the value of putting in effort and encourages a sense of financial independence and pride when she sees the results of her hard work.

Get them into saving.

Teach your son and stepdaughter why it’s important to save money. Help them set up saving goals and show them how being careful with their cash can help in the long run. Start by explaining the concept of saving and how it can help them achieve things they want in the future, like buying something special, saving for college, or planning a fun trip.

Give non-monetary rewards.

Consider offering rewards that aren’t tied to money. This way, she’ll see that her efforts and good behavior are valued in more ways than just financially. For instance, you could give her an extra hour of screen time on weekends if she consistently completes her chores. You could also plan a fun family outing to a place she loves as a way to recognize her hard work. Another idea could be cooking her favorite dish or letting her pick a movie for a family movie night. These rewards can be as meaningful as money and show her that her contributions are appreciated.

Being consistent is the key.

It’s crucial to apply the same rules and expectations to both your son and stepdaughter to create a fair and balanced environment at home. Make sure they both know what’s expected when it comes to earning their allowance, completing chores, and following household behavior guidelines.

Get the whole family involved in setting up these rules. By discussing and agreeing on the household expectations together, you’ll help your son and stepdaughter feel included and ensure they understand that these rules apply equally to everyone.

Another reader reached out to us, looking for advice on a similar situation. She refused to use her savings for her stepdaughter’s college fund and was taken aback when her husband’s ex gave a harsh ultimatum in response.