My Husband Wants His Ex to Move in for the Weekend, and I Lost It

Navigating the relationship between a mother and a stepmother can be tricky, particularly when decisions about a child are involved. Alice, a reader of Bright Side, found herself in a sensitive spot when her husband’s former wife asked her to host a sleepover for their daughter. Alice felt that this wasn’t her responsibility and declined the request. She reached out to us seeking guidance.

Here’s what Alice wrote:

My 8-year-old stepdaughter wants to have her 4 friends over for a sleepover party.

This is for her entire birthday weekend. My husband’s ex-wife won’t host it because she says her house is “too small.”

I said no. Because that’s too much work for me. I need my weekends to rest. I have a highly demanding job. There’s also another thing I believe to be important. This should be the mom’s responsibility, not mine. I don’t want the kids in my house.

That’s when my husband said, “My ex-wife can come over and live with me for the entire weekend, if you don’t want to take care of the kids. You can go and sleep at your mom’s house.” He said that knowing too well that his words would make me even angrier.

I stood my ground and insisted that having 4 kids over for a full weekend is something I cannot accept. But my husband said, “In that case, forget about us hosting your parents every Sunday for lunch. If my own daughter won’t be able to host whom she wants in her own home, then neither should you!”

I am still convinced that this sleepover should not be my responsibility. Am I wrong?

Regards, Alice

We appreciate you opening up about your experience, Alice! Below are a few suggestions we hope you find helpful.

Offer a shorter alternative.

Rather than agreeing to host the sleepover for the full weekend, consider proposing a compromise where the event is shortened to a single night. This lets your stepdaughter enjoy her celebration without it becoming too much for you.

One idea could be scheduling the sleepover from Saturday evening through Sunday morning, allowing you some of your weekend back for relaxation.

Ask your husband to take the lead.

If your husband is enthusiastic about having the sleepover, encourage him to take charge of organizing it. That could include planning games, cooking meals, and overseeing the children overnight.

Point out that this way, your stepdaughter still gets her celebration, while you’re not left handling everything. Plus, it gives your husband a chance to be more involved in his daughter’s special day.

Offer other fun options.

If you’re not comfortable with a sleepover, suggest different ways to celebrate. Maybe plan an exciting day trip or a fun Saturday outing for your stepdaughter and her friends, followed by a short get-together at home.

This gives her a joyful experience without causing too much disruption to your weekend routine.

Bring in extra support if needed.

If the sleepover ends up happening, think about getting some help. You could hire a sitter or ask a relative to help out with supervision and entertainment.

Let your husband know that you’re open to the idea, but having assistance will make things smoother and help you cope with your work-related tiredness. This way, your stepdaughter gets her party while you get some relief.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you care any less, it means you’re taking care of yourself, too. If you’re navigating similar situations, you might also be interested in this article, where another one of our readers shared her personal limits when dealing with blended families.