Graduations are often seen as one of life’s biggest milestones, a moment when years of hard work finally pay off. For many, it’s a day filled with pride, family photos, and celebration. But behind the caps and gowns, not every graduate’s journey is simple or joyful—sometimes, family history makes the occasion far more complicated. Recently, a reader shared her emotional experience with us, opening up about why she chose not to have her parents at her graduation.
Dear Bright Side,
Since I was a teen, I worked to pay for my education. I worked summer jobs instead of enjoying my life like a normal teenager. I was a waitress, a lifeguard, taught students part-time and even cleaned houses.
My parents always said, “Sorry, we did what we could,” but then they had money to spend on their vacations. They would go on trips at least once a year, and it was so frustrating to me.
I relied on myself and worked hard. Yesterday, I graduated from law school but did not invite them. I felt they hadn’t earned the right to share in my success.
My mother cried, calling me ungrateful. But what they didn’t know is that I invited Mr. Morris and his wife instead. He was the man who gave me my first summer job at the resort, and he always had my back. So no, I am not ungrateful after all.
Then everything shifted. I froze, not knowing what to do, when my mother gave me her medical test results—she had been diagnosed with a serious illness two weeks ago. They hadn’t told me sooner, not wanting to distract me from my studies.
Through tears, she said I had taken away what might have been her last chance to see me succeed, to watch me walk across the stage for my diploma.
Now I feel torn. What should have been one of the happiest moments of my life has been overshadowed by guilt.
Was I too harsh in shutting my parents out? Does that make me a bad person?
Lia
If my daughter had to pay for her own education, than I wouldn't expect to have a share in her success. Don't feel guilty. I bet mum doesn't feel guilty for watching you working hard to get what you want. That success is yours. I'm proud of my kids, we share a lot, but they've got their own home and having their own life without me. I would never guilt trip them with health issues. Enjoy your success and have a wonderful life without 'main character complex' people in your life
Thank you, Lia, for opening your heart and sharing such a personal and complicated story with such honesty.
Your letter shows incredible strength and vulnerability, and it’s clear how deeply you’ve thought about your choices.
We’re grateful you trusted us with such an important moment in your life, and we have some advice for you.
Sharing a video talking to them about your graduation is not the same.The previous commenter is correct.There are no do overs. And what now you're feeling guilty because your mom is seriously ill.You should have honored your mom regardless.Anything you do now is insincere and done out of your guilt.
Lia, instead of seeing the missed ceremony as final, you could create a second, private celebration just for your parents. Show them your diploma, share the video of the ceremony, and let your mother experience that moment with you in a more intimate way. This doesn’t erase your original decision, but it allows your mom to feel included.
Were your parents mean or did they just not spoil you? Have they taken no interest and ignored you or did they just not hand you every dime they had? This letter comes off as entitled. "Boo hoo, I had to work and my parents didn't hand me everything wrapped up in a bow." That's how it sounds, and given that you were writing it, presumably putting yourself in the best possible light, that's telling. You seem to think your parents owed you spending every spare dime on you, and they did not, especially not for law school. Many parents do not help with higher education, and an even higher percentage don't help beyond an undergraduate degree. That doesn't make them bad parents.
Unless there is more to this story, you deserve the guilt you feel. It was your graduation and you paid for your degree so you can invite whomever you wish, but excluding your parents was a pretty crappy thing to do. Based on your letter all they did was give you a work ethic and send you to good schools where you were, unfortunately, surrounded by well-off kids whose parents paid for everything and you think you were entitled to that too. You weren't. If they do in fact have assets and were just trying to teach you the value of work, I hope they don't leave you a dime. But, more likely they didn't have as much as you think they did and when you figure that out, I hope you can stop begrudging them taking trips while they had the time and health to do so. They did not owe you living a spartan life so you could go to school for free..If they were truly rolling in it and didn't help you at all, I might feel differently, but that isn't how this sounds. They didn't owe you av law degree. They owed you an upbringing that gave you the tools to get yourself a law degree if you wanted one. You got what you were owed little girl, and you are in fact ungrateful for it.
You’ve carried resentment about their vacations while you worked. If you feel ready, you might ask your mother how she saw those years, what she thought you were gaining, why she felt vacations were acceptable at the time.
Hearing her perspective won’t undo the past, but it could shift your understanding and help you decide how much of that anger you want to hold on to.
Rather than your parents seeing Mr. Morris as a replacement, you could frame him as part of your support network.
Introducing him to your parents, or even telling them how grateful you are to both sides—your mentors and your family, might transform the situation. This way, you honor the role he played without making your parents feel shut out.
While I understand your frustration in not receiving financial assistance, its odd this is the only support you find acceptable and worth celebrating. There will be dozens of ways your parents have supported and sheltered you over the years. From preparing meals, ensuring your laundry is done, arranging and attending appointments etc. Perhaps they also took you on the trips you mention? But because these are expected, you haven't counted them.
I'd also point out Mr Morris was paying you for your work. This wasnt free money, you were earning it. This was a trade off.
I'm sorry that your mum is ill and that your now facing the consequences or your decision not to invite them. Though, I'm glad your aware of the full details now. Its not too late to consider what's important and make things right.
Since your mother is afraid she may not live to see more milestones, you might design something that carries her presence into your future. For example, you could dedicate your first article, your first case, or a community project in her name.
This would turn the regret of the missed graduation into a forward-looking bond that she can still be part of.
Alicia, one of our readers, recently wrote to us about a difficult dilemma—she sold her stepdaughter’s dog in order to pay for her own daughter’s braces. You can read her full story here.
Your mother being sick does not entitled her to credit for something that she had no part of. Mr Morris is the reason you are able to succeed and he deserved to be at your graduation. Just because she birthed you does not make her worthy of that special acknowledgment. Her being sick now does not change the past. Do not let guilt and manipulation make you feel badly about excluding people from your life who had no problem putting themselves before you. If your mother had been more concerned with your success in the past, then running off to vacation she would have seen you succeed plenty of times before.
You should t be giving advice to ANYONE
How come?
That's how l read it too. Mr Morris was more of a mentor than just an employer. He & his wife were there for OP while Mom & Pops were out of town somewhere
So what? They're retired! They're allowed to take a trip if they want to! They EARNED that right thru decades of hard work and sacrifice raising their child(ren.) You're just being entitled and greedy and you need to grow up!
Where is it written that a parent is required to pay for a kids college? Millions have to pay there own way and it's probably better that way because they actually have to work for it, people are so entitled anymore.
Privilege much wealthy rich BRAT? I'm glad that my kids are NOT like you.... They would never be like you cause they are NOT privileged like you and got what they wanted like you.
I hope you don't have kids, you wouldn't know hot to raise one you would have a nanny raise your kids instead of you...
Too bad you are not poor or you would never say that kind of stuff about your parents
No not a wealthy rich brat. The exact opposite. Someone who had to put themself through college. Did it on my own. That's how I know that a parent doesn't deserve the acknowledgment for it. Because I did it, I achieved it. wealthy rich and enitled people have their parents paying their education. It's the poor people that are responsible for their own bills like the OP. So I'm assuming from your reply you must be rich, because you don't seem to think the person who worked to pay for his own education deserves the right to decide who he shares his moment with. The moment he worked for and earned.
YTAH. Your parents provided what they could by clothing you, feeding you, and taking care of you. However, because you had to work, and they dared to take one vacation a year for their own self care, you think they abandoned you. You sound entitled AF. School is expensive, life is expensive, and you ended up going to law school so it sounds like you received some support (even if it's emotional.) I took out nearly 800k in loans to pay for medical school and don't begrudge my mother for taking a vacation every year, she listened to me rant and was there to push me when I wanted to give up. Sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do, and some big apologies to get through. Or you could continue holding onto resentments and losing people who love you one by one till you end up alone and still not understanding why.
I don't think she's entitled. The parents sound selfish
Privilege much rich BRAT?
I hate to see you poor cause you would had never went to college unless you had a 4.0 and got a full scholarship for it. No one in my family has went to college cause no one could afford it and our credit is too bad.
If you have never been evicted or homeless, been on food stamps, getting handme downs, lost your car, has power turned off.... Then you will NEVER understand a poor person. We deal with those type of things on a daily basis. The privilege will never truly understand life of poor ppl.
Good for you Doc & good for your Mom. Maybe OP's Mom wasn't around to listen to her rants & push her because she was out of town somewhere. If OP's parents had been openly supportive of OP she would of felt that & known it. Sounds like they weren't & the Morrises were her support system
This... Exactly this..m And I bet you appreciate SO MUCH getting to where you are because you earned it yourself.
Clothing and feeding her? You mean the bare minimum they are required by law to do? They don't get special acknowledgement for that!
Shut up privilege wealthy BRAT. That is everyday life of a poor person. If you have never been evicted or homeless, lost a car, been on food stamps, goes to churches for food, kids gets hand me downs or parents makes their clothes, no computers, no iPhones, never got to go to college, government insurance, school supplies from churches.... Then you are one of the privilege and you are wealthy or middle class therefore thinks you're better than anyone else. I can't stand ppl like you
You cant stand people acknowledging that the bare minimum a parent is required by law to do is ensure their child survives?
Sounds like you have an issue...
College age is an adult!! No laws of obligation after 18. All support is 100% from love and should be acknowledged and appreciated.
At least respected
People arent talking about them appreciating what they did after 18. They are tsling about raising them.
Also is it nice? Absolutely.
But not required.
You are not a good parent for keeping your child warm, fed, and clothed. Just a parent.
I stand by you Lia. Parents should not have kids if they are not willing to pay for them. Period.
Why should the spoiled selfish brats of today be so entitled to think their parents should go into debt for them. The raised them cared for them were lucky enough to vacation once a year. There is no guarantee these spoiled selfish brats will even go to college. Its as bad as those people writing in worried there won't be an inheritance for them because parents are taking to mant trips etc in their retirement
The person writing mentioned that the parents went on vacation, without her, EVERY year whilst she was working part-time jobs to pay for college.
And they also claimed that they were "couldn't afford" to pay for college as they went on these vacations, so... 👀
exactly!!!
Anyone can become poor..... PERIOD
especially when the privilege and wealthy has drug problems or drinking problems....
Yeah some poor has those problems but so can y'all. It's always worse with y'all cause y'all can afford the habits until you run out of money.
No one that's privileged needs kids no one else in the world wants to deal with your snot nose brats. Y'all don't raise your own kids that's what your nanny's are paid for.
Do without a nanny and raise your own kid yourself. Y'all can't do it cause y'all really never wanted kids to start with... Y'all remind me of privilege wealthy idiots like Musk who has bunch of kids but doesn't help raise em. Having money doesn't make you a good parent sending your kid off to college doesn't make you a good parent. That's your way of not dealing with your own kid and have someone else to raise em since your got the money
What about the first 18 years? Since when are parents obligated to pay for another adults education? My children went to college on their dime because they WANTED to. I did the hard part for the first 19-20 years.
For how long? College is for adults... Part time job in USA does not cover school AND housing, food, transportation, medical, utilities, insurance, one yearly vacation etc .......
I'm seventeen and I'm in college. My best friend was sixteen two weeks before they moved into their dorm (they're seventeen now).
Children go to college. It's not just for adults, you know. It's for the people who graduate high school.
Oh no, poor baby. They had to get a summer job and everything. When i was a teenager i didn't have a summer job. I had a job. All year, after, school, on weekends, during the whole summer, job. I paid my own taxes and everything. Oh, i even paid for my own college, then joined the military to get my higher degree paid for. I had to go to Iraq to earn that degree. Im so thankful for my parents because my mom literally drove me to the grocery store i ended up working at, parked the car, and said go in here and get an application because you're grown now and you need a job. I even did my interview all by myself and everything. I bagged groceries for years. 4 other people i went to school with worked there. All of my friends had jobs. One worked at in n out, another at the movie theater, one even worked at the school as a custodian. We all had jobs. Most of my friends also either paid for college themselves, or they joined the military. I had a coworker who bagged groceries to pay for his college. Now i know us millennials have our problems, but we were nowhere as bad as gen z. This is the only generation ive ever heard complain about having to get a job. This person is going to be really upset when they realize they are about to spend the next 10 years doing paperwork for real lawyers who actually have enough experience to work with clients. Wait until they figure out being at the bottom of the pecking order in a law firm is way harder than any summer job.
As a single mom ya know what I don't do GO ON VACATION!! As parents WE sacrifice for them not the other way around. Vacations are expensive I absolutely get your anger...
Dear Lia ~ congratz on graduating law school. Now you gotta pass the bar. Maybe celebrate that with your Mom
You were not only rash, but petty. Your parents took care of you through your entire childhood. They fed you, clothed you and put a roof over your head. So you had to work.... So what?
If I am not mistaken, your parents paid for your life up and until you turned 18. They provided a warm and comfortable home for you. They provided clothing, dental care, medical care, birthday gifts, Christmas gifts. Took you on family vacations, endured sleepovers with your friends and probably took you on elite sporting trips. If you were in band or orchestra they bought instruments and paid for school trips.
More than all of that, they provided the environment where you could excel and grow up with the audacious belief in yourself that you could be anything you put your efforts into. That seems to be an attorney.
After age 18 you are not entitled to anything from your parents. College education is a gift not a right. My suggestion is that you go to your parents and apologize for holding onto an expectation you never had a right to. I assume you have been treating them horribly for the past several years while you heaped guilt and pain on them for things you were prepared to take on your own.
Take it from someone who has raised 6 strong and capable daughters, who are a delight and blessing by the way, you need a new perspective on life.
Life is way too short to hold grudges and cause pain to those who truly love us.
For all the people calling them entitled because "they still clothed, fed and housed you" like ok? Wow congrats, you did the bottom line stuff for the child you decided to have. That doesn't make them good parents, a good parent doesn't say they're a good parent just because they do their kids laundry.
"Your parents did the bare minimum required as parents how dare you not grovel at their feet in appreciation."
I feel like these people lived with a lot of guilt tripping....
I agree. We don't know what kind of parents they were
She invited people that didn't do a single thing for her tho . I'm sure she invited friends etc. ...did they pay for anything ....no. she's being petty. Also paying for those things past 18 and not charging rent is not the bare minimum. If she lived at home throughout her education she saved a lot more money than the alternative and had alot more stress taken off her plate.
You are doing a LOT if assuming. Interesting.
You worked hard. You put yourself through school - all the way through law school. You did good. You invited someone you feel supported your efforts. Your parents weren't a part of this effort. It's not surprising you would not include them in celebrating something they had not part in. But if you're framing it as payback, you are hurting yourself, not them. You need to let go of resenting the choices they made about how they spend. And your mother's diagnosis is completely irrelevant to your achievement, now and always. You can be there for her in this regardless. This is another choice entirely.
Parents are not entitled to their childrens success. Just like children arent entitled to their parents money.
They made their success happen, quoting someone who gave them WORK. Good for them for choosing who meahs most to them instead of being blinded by "Well they are my parents."
So, your mad at your parents because you worked your way through your education then cut them out? Wow. I hope you do feel guilty. Total YTA. I worked and put myself through college, my parents didnt spend a dime on my education. And yes, I invited them to my graduation.
when you have children you take on the responsibility to care for the child. There should never be a guilt trip for clothing, feeding or medical care for you. If one believes that then you shouldnt be a parent.
I think wether op is a jerk is largely dependent on information that isn't given. If her parents raised her with love and support and were present and reliable parents who chose not to pay for college because of the financial burden or just to teach op some independence and responsibility, then yes jerk move. Parents don't have to pay for college even if they can afford it. There are plenty of parents who chose not to pay even though they can because they want their kids to earn it themselves. On the other hand if the parents have basically left the kid to raise herself while they run around having fun, only pulling the parent card when they need something, then it's probably best to cut them out. Background is really important here. "They didn't pay for my college, so I didn't invite them to graduation" is petty vs "they never supported my goals, were absent parents, and made me feel like less so I didn't include them" is cutting out toxic family.
It's funny how people keep calling you ungrateful. But what exactly are you supposed to be grateful for? You should be grateful for the fact that you had the right to pay for your own education? That's not something to be grateful for. You're grateful to people who do things for you, who help you. That wasnt your family it was your employer and his wife. You don't owe your parents anything. They didn't help you, they spent the money on themselves. So they should be grateful that they had the opportunity to go on all those trips and be happy with that. Their money was their money as everyone says. Well your money was your money, and you chose to use it to put yourself through school and thank those that help you achieve that by including them in your celebration. They were entitled to their vacation just as you were entitled to celebrate your graduation in the way that made you happy. You earned your degree just like they earned their trips.
