I Refused to Obey My DIL’s Weird Demands, I’m a MIL, Not an Errand Girl

Lana refused to massage her pregnant daughter-in-law’s swollen feet, thinking it was a personal boundary. But what seemed like a harmless “no” exploded into a full-blown family scandal, with secret filming, shaming her, and relatives turning against her overnight.

Here’s an email we received from Lana and her story:

Hi Bright Side,

I’m Lana, 60F, and I seriously don’t even know where to start without shaking. I’ve always been close to my family, and I live just 20 minutes away from my son and his pregnant wife.

Ever since she found out she was expecting, she’s leaned on me for help: cooking, groceries, little errands. And I’ve always been happy to help. I thought I was being supportive and kind.

Yesterday, though... I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. She called me and said, “My feet are swollen, come massage them.” I was stunned. I mean, I’ve never refused to help, but this felt different and made me uncomfortable.

So I said no. I even tried to joke, “Are you out of your mind?” But she just smirked and said, “You’ll regret it.”

I laughed nervously at first, thinking she was exaggerating, but the next day, I discovered what she meant. She made a TikTok. A viral TikTok.

In it, she shows her swollen feet, complains about having no mom, and frames me as this “cold, indifferent” MIL who refuses to help her in a health emergency. Then, she asks her viewers if someone like me should even be allowed to be a grandmother. And she tagged me and the whole family.

I. Was. Stunned. My phone blew up with calls from relatives accusing me of being heartless. My husband, of all people, said I should’ve gone over and massaged her, saying, “You’d want your MIL to do the same for you.”

My own son won’t talk to me. He calls me a bad mother and says I made his wife miserable. I’m shaking just typing this.

The video is still online, and some neighbors who don’t even know the family are commenting about what a “terrible MIL” I am. And the twist? She’s been secretly filming me for weeks during normal visits, picking little moments to make me look cold or indifferent, just to fuel this narrative.

Dear Bright Side, I’ve always tried to be helpful and supportive, but now it feels like I’m trapped in someone else’s story. Am I supposed to violate my own comfort and personal boundaries just because she’s pregnant? Or am I right to push back and say no? How do I defend myself without making her “the victim” even more?

I honestly feel like my family has turned against me, and I don’t even recognize the world I’m in anymore.

Here’s what our readers think about Lana’s family situation:

• u/SilverMaple83
  Lana, you are not the villain here. Saying no to a foot massage is not abuse. Boundaries exist for a reason, and she crossed them. Your discomfort matters just as much as her pregnancy needs.
• u/ToastAndTeacup
  Honestly, your DIL sounds manipulative. Filming you without consent and then tagging the family? That’s extreme. I’d block her from social media and have a serious sit-down with your son.
• u/PixelPenguin42
  I get that you felt uncomfortable, but maybe a quick compromise—like helping her sit comfortably or offering a warm foot soak instead—could have avoided the drama. Not sure this TikTok justifies all the family backlash.

• u/RetroLamp56
  Wow, I can’t believe your family is turning on you. You have the right to set boundaries, and she weaponized social media. It’s sad how quickly people side with the loudest story without context.
• u/CrimsonSocks99
  I think you overreacted. She’s pregnant and probably hormonal and in pain. Helping her for a few minutes isn’t the end of the world. Family comes first in situations like this.
• u/LittleLighthouse12
  Honestly, this is insane. Secretly filming someone and then posting them publicly to shame them? That’s gaslighting. You need to protect yourself.

• u/WanderingQuill
  I feel for you. The boundaries you set were reasonable, and her response was completely inappropriate. Your husband and son need to understand consent and respect—otherwise, this will continue.
• u/BlueCactus77
  I think you might have mishandled the “no” in a way that escalated her anger. But the TikTok? That was cruel and uncalled-for. You’re right to feel shocked and hurt.
• u/NeonFern_21
  Honestly, your son siding with her here is troubling. He’s supposed to be on your side, too. Maybe it’s time to step back and let them deal with their drama without you being pulled in.

Here’s a piece of advice from Bright Side team:

Dear Lana,

You need to set firm boundaries with your DIL and make it clear that her TikTok manipulation is unacceptable. Document everything and consider asking the platform to remove the video if it violates your privacy.

Talk to your son and husband calmly, explaining your perspective and why consent matters. Limit your direct contact until the situation cools to prevent further public attacks. Protect your own wellbeing first; you cannot be forced into actions that make you uncomfortable.

Kindness is the heartbeat that keeps humanity from going numb. It’s what reminds us we’re still seen, still worth saving, even when life feels unbearably heavy. These 18 stories show how the smallest compassion can steady a life on the brink, and change it quietly, completely.