Once we get married and have our own home, we value our privacy and peace of mind. However, Cynthia, a young newlywed, is often dealing with unannounced visits from her in-laws. Her husband insists she tolerate it and be respectful because his parents helped them buy the house. Cynthia, now at her wit’s end, shared her full story with us.
The main problem is not to, where or when to allow your nephews visit, but your relation. Parents helping their children is seen in many families as a legacy to which the parents stick to. The problem is your husband who is to weak to cut the ombilical tide to their parents. But his attitude is not caused by his emotional realation with his parents, but towards you, his wife. He want to make the difference betwen the contribution to the buying the house, by legal perspective or emotional if not legal in your country. He is not comitted to his wife as he should and he was never tought to share with the dear ones. Actually you will be only the roommate to him but not the person who can claim her chemine. If he doesnot understand that he is wrong by thinking you are not the person to which he should share good emotional state being on haveing your home, that means the emotional and true love is not there and after a discussion on the subject, you should see or not if love and emotional care is there.
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Reply
We’ve prepared four distinct pieces of advice to help Cynthia navigate this delicate situation.
Set clear boundaries and communicate expectations.
Sit down with your husband and in-laws to discuss the current situation. Clearly outline your expectations regarding their visits, such as setting specific visiting hours and limiting the duration of their stay. Explain how the late-night visits and disruptive behavior are affecting your home life. Suggest having visits at a mutually agreed-upon time, perhaps during weekends or designated family days.
Emphasize that while you appreciate their help in buying the house, you need your home to be a space where you feel comfortable and in control.
Designate a specific area for children’s activities.
To address the issue of the nephews ruining your expensive couch and playing with watercolors on your carpet, create a designated play area for the children. Set up a corner of the living room or another room with child-friendly furniture, toys, and art supplies. Lay down protective mats or washable rugs to prevent damage.
Communicate to your husband and in-laws that this area is where the children can play freely, and it will help keep the rest of your home in order. This approach shows you’re accommodating the children’s needs while protecting your belongings.
Have an open and honest conversationwith your husband about your feelings and the impact of his parents’ visits. Propose a compromise where you both agree on certain guidelines for the visits. For instance, you could agree that his parents can visit once a week, but they must leave by a specific time.
This way, he acknowledges your concerns and takes on a proactive role in managing the situation.
If discussions with your husband and in-laws are not yielding the desired results, consider seeking external help. Counseling or mediation can provide a neutral ground for addressing the issues.
A professional can help facilitate the conversation and offer strategies for managing the situation more effectively. This can be particularly useful if you and your husband have different perspectives on the matter. The counselor can help both of you understand each other’s viewpoints and work towards a solution that respects everyone’s needs.
Here's another story depicting tension between an in-law and a daughter-in-law. For the wedding, the mother-in-law defied the bride's wish to have an all-vegan menu and went behind her back to arrange a barbecue. The bride was furious, and things went south on the wedding day. Check out the full story here.
If you can buy an expensive sofa, why not give the in laws back the money they gave you for the house? Your husband won't be able to use that as a excuse. Then set boundaries as to their visits. If they come uninvited you don't have to open the door.
