I Want to Join My Son’s Honeymoon; My Son Agrees, but My DIL Wants Me to Leave

Relationships
3 months ago

“Hi, I’m Carol. Recently, my son got married, and he and his wife were planning their honeymoon. I had the thought to join them on their special trip, and my son said he would be happy about it. However, my daughter-in-law seemed not to want me there,” the mother-in-law shared with us.

My son and his partner have decided to use all their savings for their honeymoon.

One day, with a twinkle in my eye and a heart full of excitement, I approached Mark with my spontaneous suggestion. “Mark, sweetheart, how about having your dear old mom tag along on your honeymoon? It could be so much fun!”

To my surprise, Mark entertained the idea, and turning to Jane, he asked, “Jane won’t mind, will you, sweetheart?”

Jane definitely didn’t want me there.

With a hesitant smile, Jane reluctantly agreed, “Well, it’s not exactly what I had in mind, but if it makes Mark happy, I guess it’s okay.”

And so, the three of us set off for the enchanting coastal town, which held the promise of love and joy. Little did I know that my spontaneous decision would turn their dream honeymoon into a tale of unexpected twists.

As we explored the charming town, Jane couldn’t hide her disappointment.

From romantic dinners to family-friendly excursions, my eagerness to be a part of everything began to cast a shadow on the newlyweds’ private moments.

One evening, Jane approached Mark to share her feelings. “Mark, I appreciate your mom’s company, but I had hoped for some alone time on our honeymoon. I want it to be special, just for us.

Mark, being an understanding son, approached me to discuss the matter. “Mom, Jane, and I were hoping for private moments during our honeymoon. I hope you understand.”

I agreed, though a bit hurt, and decided to explore the town on my own, giving them the space they needed. The next day, as we reunited for a farewell dinner, the air was thick with mixed emotions. I tried to mask my disappointment with a forced smile while Jane struggled to appreciate the effort I had put into making their honeymoon memorable.

As we returned home, the honeymoon became a story to remember, but not exactly in the way any of us had envisioned. The unintended consequence was a strained relationship between Jane and me. Now, help me understand what can I do?

Response from Bright Side

Absolutely, Carol. Navigating a tricky situation like this takes some care. Here are five friendly suggestions:

  • Heart-to-Heart Talk: Sit down with Jane for an open chat. Share your feelings, explain you didn’t mean to intrude, and really listen to her side of things. Clear communication is the first step to understanding each other.
  • Say Sorry from the Heart: A genuine apology can do wonders if Jane feels uneasy. Tell her you’re sorry for any unintended disruption and truly regret any discomfort. A heartfelt apology can go a long way.
  • Respect Her Space: Be more aware of personal space going forward. Everyone has different comfort zones, especially during special moments like honeymoons. Discuss family plans beforehand to ensure everyone is on the same page.
  • Sweet Gesture to Patch Things Up: A small gesture shows Jane you care. It could be a heartfelt letter, planning a shared activity, or even a thoughtful gift. Something to express your desire to make things right without overwhelming her.
  • Give It Time: Healing takes time. Be patient. Don’t rush the process of rebuilding the relationship. Show that you respect her feelings and genuinely want to repair the bond through your actions.

Imagine you’re in Carol’s position—what actions would you take? Before you go, take a look at this other article where a mom advised her daughter to break up with her husband. Later that day, I saw them on a date.

Comments

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This lady is so out of line she has no concept of the existence of lines. Yow. Poor DIL must have felt like she couldn't say "No. Absolutely not! It's our honeymoon, you coming is completely out of the question." She should have at least said it to her husband as soon as they were alone, and told him to inform MIL he'd changed his mind. The guy was completely out of line too, accepting the idea without discussing it with his wife first. I don't see this relationship lasting, with a MIL that intrusive and oblivious, and a husband that doesn't back up his spouse.

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The suggestion to plan ANOTHER 'shared activity' is completely bonkers. She should send the couple
on a little vacay at her expense with a huge apology for being so oblivious in the first place. (Was this a cultural thing???)

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#1 Nothing like putting her on the spot asking with everyone there. #2 Romantic honeymoon dinners should NEVER include the mother in law. #3 Honeymoon's should NEVER have family excursions. Did you sleep in the second queen bed in the hotel room with them? You are just pathetic for even suggesting it.

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It looks like you are very lonely and so far haven't really got to create your own life. Using your adult son as your entertainer is not a good idea. Forcing yourself on your son and DIL is a very bad idea. Joining the honeymoon was a very selfish act with ZERO consideration to other people obvious need for privacy, intimacy and time to build their marriage. If you wat your son to be unhappy and his marriage to fail, keep forcing your company, call them too often and organize shared activities. If you want everyone to be happy, including yourself, stay out of their life as much as possible. get a job find new activities, create new friends, maybe even find a boyfriend- GET A LIFE!

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