I’m Divorcing My Wife Because of What She Did to My Baby

Being deceived within a relationship can have significant and lasting effects, particularly when it involves deeply personal topics like a partner's fertility. When trust is broken in such an intimate context, it can lead to profound emotional pain and damage the foundation of the relationship. A poignant example surfaced recently on Reddit, where a husband poured out his anguish upon uncovering years of deceit.

He wrote:

"I (M, 38) have been with my wife, Natalie (F, 37), for 8 years (married for 4 years). Natalie has a daughter from a previous relationship, Kaya (F, 12). Kaya’s dad left when she was a newborn. We have no idea where he is.

I love her as if she were mine. She calls me Dad and has a great relationship with me. I told Natalie from the very beginning that I would like to have biological children, and she said she is open to having more kids. After we got married, we bought a nice place and started trying for a baby."

He added:

"After a year of unsuccessful attempts, we underwent testing which revealed that everything was normal for both of us. However, as conception has not occurred naturally, we may now explore the option of IVF to achieve pregnancy. My wife said that the treatment would be too costly and hard on her body. I was secretly devastated, but I eventually came to terms with the fact that I'll never have any biological kids.

This was until a few days ago, when I found out from Natalie’s sister that Natalie lied to me! She and her sister got into a fight in our house, and her sister screamed, 'At least, I don't take birth control pills behind my husband's back and claim that I'm infertile. Oh, by the way, does he even know that you've had an abortion?' I was floored. My wife kicked her sister out and started crying, saying she really didn’t want another kid and didn't want to lose me."

He went on saying:

"I can’t believe she lied to me instead of talking to me! I just left! I have been staying at my parents' house since then. Natalie begs me to come back, and she says we can try for a baby. Kaya even messaged me to come back!

My parents think I should just move on and give her another chance. She made a mistake, and she apologized. But now I can never ever trust her again and want a divorce.

In my defense, I do believe women have to control their bodies, and of course, I’m pro-choice. But this is a different case! She lied in my face. I could now have my baby in my arms. I had no idea she is against having more babies until a few days ago. Abortion happened 1.5 year after our wedding. And yes, it was MY BABY!"

Other Redditors joined the conversation to defend him and back his choice, leaving comments such as:

• She has been lying to you from the beginning of your relationship, your relationship is built on lies! Personally, I prefer couples to work on their relationship as long as it's not toxic and there's no significant breach of trust or violence. But this is a significant breach of trust, and she's only claiming to want to try for a baby because she got exposed, there's nothing genuine about her change of heart. It's just another manipulation tactic.
  You're well within your rights to consider divorce. I don't even believe she's genuinely sorry, just sorry for herself being exposed by her sister. © Apart_Foundation1702 / Reddit

• This is not a mistake or a small lie. This is complete and total deception on her part. She has been secretly taking birth control pills and also had an abortion behind your back, all the while knowing that you have been hurting thinking that a baby was not possible. Also keep in mind that if her sister had not told you, then she would have continued this lie until you gave up!
  She took birth control pills every day for 4 years to keep from getting pregnant, and then when she did get pregnant, she ended it without ever talking to you about it. I would never trust her again, and with no trust you have no marriage. I would not return to the house. Find an attorney and file for divorce. Find someone who will not lie to you for your entire marriage. © countryboy1101 / Reddit

• Kaya is 12 now, so I’d just make sure to tell her that you haven’t left her, but Mom and Dad are working on some things. When she’s 14, I’d tell her the truth, or else she will go her entire life believing you abandoned her because she wasn’t enough. I’d explain to her that she would’ve had a brother or sister, but Mom had an abortion and kept it a secret. It’s okay for a woman to choose what she wants to do with her body, but a relationship is built on trust, and Mom had broken it several times. © StatisticianLanky760 / Reddit

• The fact that she’s trying to guilt-trip you with her daughter- it’s DISGUSTING! She’s 12, and she shouldn’t have any word in this. I’m definitely speculating, but there’s almost no doubt in my mind that she told her daughter to help her get you back by texting.
  My parents are definitely not good parents, but even through the divorce process, not once was I allowed to put a word in like that. Because it had nothing to do with me. Their divorce was theirs. Not mine and theirs. © Silly-Entertainer367 / Reddit

• I’m with you. And that’s coming from me, who’s a childfree person. You were upfront in wanting your own kids. She repeatedly misrepresented herself and then consciously lied every day that she popped those pills. I understand not wanting more kids, but she should have been upfront with that.
  Instead, she robbed you of having your dream of your own biological children while she already had hers. She’s robbed you of almost 10 years that you could have used to find a partner to build a family with. She’s nothing short of deplorable and incredibly selfish. How can she even say she loves you, if this was the false life she was leading? Glad her sister outed her. © ksarahsarah27 / Reddit

Family planning can indeed be tricky, especially when trying to match up personal wishes in a relationship. In another context, a woman shared her story where her husband covertly attempted to impregnate her, despite their mutual agreement to remain childfree. Read her letter here.