A mother’s love for her children is boundless, and she desires reciprocation of care. When Larissa’s husband passed away, her son didn’t want her to be alone, so he invited her to live with him, his wife, and their children. Larissa was thrilled, but she was taken aback by the rules her daughter-in-law set. Here’s her story.
Have your own apartment where YOU dictate the conditions and not your daughter-in-law.
You can meet your friends as late as you want, have music etc. on when you want and eat what you want.
Of course it's nice of your son to offer you to live with them, but it's better to sort yourself out and have a life the way you want it without a lot of compromises on your part, i.e. that you have to adapt your life to her terms .
When you gifted the house to your son and DIL, was the offer 'conditional'?
It would be reasonable to ask your son to downsize the house and purchase a small dwelling for your retirement. You should not be in a beggarly position like this.
If you’re struggling to adapt to your daughter-in-law’s rules and expectations, consider seeking support from external sources. This might involve joining local community groups or seeking advice from counselors or senior support groups.
You could also explore resources to learn more about vegan cooking to help with the transition to preparing vegan meals.
To address the household chores, propose implementing a chore wheel where everyone in the household, including your son and daughter-in-law, participates.
This ensures a fair distribution of tasks and enables everyone to contribute according to their abilities and schedules, eliminating any sense of being singled out for chores.
Have a sit-down with your daughter-in-law, and openly and respectfully express your concerns. Recognize the significance of routines and dietary choices in their home, while also discussing your own needs and boundaries. Emphasize your willingness to pitch in with household chores and cooking, but stress that you expect to be treated as family rather than hired help.
Seek common ground and areas for compromise. For instance, propose alternating vegan and non-vegan meals or occasionally preparing separate dishes.
If after open communication and attempts to compromise, you find living with your son and daughter-in-law too restrictive or uncomfortable, it may be worth considering alternative living arrangements. This could involve finding your own place nearby where you can still spend time with your grandkids while maintaining your independence and autonomy.
At times, the relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law can be strained. Gwen, a young woman, was taken aback by the “insulting” gift her mother-in-law presented her with at her baby shower. Read her story here.
You own the house though!
