Many of us have been there: the food is great, the laughter endless... until the check lands on the table. For one woman, what started as a normal dinner with friends turned into a humiliating moment — and a lesson in who really crossed the line.
“So, I (28F) went out to dinner with a group of friends last weekend. The place wasn’t cheap, and everyone ordered what they wanted. I stuck to a simple pasta and one drink. When the check came, I suggested we just split it fairly.
That’s when my friend Lisa rolled her eyes and said, ‘Ugh, you’re always so cheap. Just split it evenly like everyone else.’
I laughed it off at first — but then she doubled down, loud enough for the whole table to hear, ‘If you can’t afford to eat out, maybe you shouldn’t come.’
That hit me hard. I stayed quiet, paid my share, and let it go. But here’s where it gets wild: a week later, Lisa invited me to her birthday dinner at a super pricey rooftop restaurant. I was hesitant, but everyone was going, so I said yes.
When the bill came... guess who tried to sneak out without paying? Yep. Lisa. She literally pretended she forgot her wallet. The same person who shamed me for not wanting to subsidize her appetizers!
The table went silent. Finally, I pulled out my card and said, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll pay for myself. Just myself.’ Everyone followed. Lisa had to cover her own feast, and she was fuming.
Now she says I embarrassed her and made her look bad. Honestly? I think she embarrassed herself.”
Have you ever felt like someone values you more for what you do than for who you are? Maybe they only call when they need money, a ride, or a shoulder to cry on. If that sounds familiar, you might be getting used.
Psychologist Meghan Marcum, PsyD, explains: “When someone says they feel used, it usually means they feel taken advantage of, manipulated, or disrespected.”
The tricky part? Sometimes you don’t realize it’s happening until it’s gone too far. Here are the red flags to watch for — and what you can do about it.
You already know what kind of person (she is NO FRIEND) she is, so WHY would you want to be anywhere that she is? If you want to hang out with the other people in the group, do so. If she is included then DON'T GO OUT WITH THEM. THEY know what she's like too. It seems like YOUR WALLET is all that she is interested in anyway.
🚩 Signs You’re Being Used
They always want money or favors. Whether it’s paying the bill or lending your car, the requests never stop.
Your time doesn’t matter. They show up when it suits them, with zero respect for your schedule.
They never reciprocate. You’re expected to help, but they’re nowhere when you need something.
Affection comes with strings. They’re only sweet when they want something.
They guilt-trip you. If you say no, they make you feel like the bad guy.
The relationship feels one-sided. You give. They take. End of story.
🧠 Why People Use Others
Everyone’s reasons are different, but experts say common ones include:
Selfishness or greed — wanting more without giving back.
Control — using you to feel powerful.
Insecurity — boosting their self-esteem by taking advantage of others.
Revenge — copying how they were treated in the past.
Lack of empathy — they simply don’t see (or care) how it hurts you.
In some cases, using others can even be tied to deeper issues like narcissistic traits.
⚡ Common Tactics Users Rely On
Gaslighting: Making you doubt your reality.
Love bombing: Over-the-top affection until they get what they want.
Future faking: Big promises about “someday” that never happen.
Passive aggression: Indirect digs to control you.
DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender — turning the blame back on you.
💔 The Impact of Being Used
Being treated this way can take a toll on your self-worth, mental health, and trust in others. Over time, it may lead to anxiety, depression, or trauma symptoms. Most of all, it leaves you drained and doubting your value in relationships.
🌱 How to Stop Being Used
Set clear boundaries. Say no — without apology.
Work on self-esteem. Remember, your worth isn’t tied to what you give.
Seek support. Talking to a therapist, mentor, or loved one can help you see the situation clearly.
If someone only shows up when they need something, that’s not friendship or love — it’s use. Real relationships are about balance, respect, and care. And the moment you start valuing yourself, the people who don’t will fall away.
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