My Husband Met Someone and I Wanted a Divorce, His Revelation Shocked Me

Mental health struggles are real, painful, and deserving of compassion — but they are not a free pass to betray someone’s trust. Being in emotional turmoil doesn’t excuse stepping outside the bounds of a committed relationship. It’s one thing to ask for support or space; it’s another to seek comfort in someone else while your partner waits for you to heal. In this case, he was hurting, yes — but instead of turning to the woman who stood by him, he turned away.

Not every relationship end well, and this woman experienced one of the most unpleasant situations.

I (38F) and my husband (38M), married since 2009 and we have a preteen daughter. The last 3 years have been really tough on us because my husband’s bad working conditions had started to affect his mental health. I noticed signs of burnout and brought up these concerns regularly to him. He was very dismissive and refused to see his situation and refused therapy.

He started becoming distant and often isolated himself and was regularly butting heads with our daughter. He eventually told me that he had met a woman at work. Their relationship was not, according to him, physical, but he was in love with her and felt that she was his soulmate and best friend.

He said he was very sorry and that he could not decide which woman he would ultimately be happiest with. He spoke out about this at home whilst I was having the toughest time of my life. I cried alone over my dreams and plans, everything we had together. He also told me that in order to clear his head, he would need to leave the house and spend some time on his own.

THAT co-worker had offered him her spare room, and he was going to take it. I asked for his help organizing the rest of the school year as I was commuting, and I promised him that as soon as the school year was over, I would look for an apartment closer to my work, our daughter and I will move out, and he can have the house to himself for his healing.

I found an apartment almost immediately and we moved. He visited us one weekend a month and brought his chaos with him every time. The new home had become a safe haven that we cherished and he “took it over” as soon as he appeared, and it felt like I wasn’t breathing until he finally left.

After 6 months of living like this, I decided I had given things enough time to mend, and they had not, I was still hurt and bitter, and he was still cagey about what was going on and what his ultimate decision really was. I told him I was done living like this and that I wanted a divorce. He absolutely lost his mind and left and drove back to our old house in the middle of the night just to get away from me.

A week later, he told me that the co-worker was pregnant, and he was angry that I didn’t want to even try to fix our marriage. Since then, he has gotten increasingly more hostile and accusatory in his communication with me. He blames me for breaking up the marriage and abandoning him during his crisis.

He says he was not himself and has no idea why he did the things he did, but that I was the one who left. He claims I was no help when he needed me, and that I had clearly mentally abandoned our relationship long before (more than 3 years prior). He tells me I’m cold and calculating and clearly “not the person he thought I was.”

I understand that he is not well, he finally did go to therapy. I explained a lot of his actions with that in mind at first. So am I the monster he claims I have become, taking his daughter away and leaving?

Redditors didn’t lose time defending the woman.

• You attempted to help him multiple times, and multiple times he shut you out. Instead of seeking help or getting a new job, your soon-to-be ex decided the correct path was an emotional affair that led to a physical affair. There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty about divorcing this guy.
  Stop indulging him. Coordinate his visitation with your daughter through an app. Do not discuss anything else. Keep all communication written.
  Stop second-guessing yourself. You have nothing to feel guilty about. © Beck2010 / Reddit
• That guy moved in with his affair partner, impregnated her, and now complains that you are breaking up your marriage?!? He is delusional. Please remind him whose actions started this whole ball rolling.
  And if he claims his mental health made him, just quote Pete Davidson to him, “Being mentally ill is not an excuse to act badly!” It may be a reason, but it’s not an excuse — he is still responsible for his own actions, especially since he refused all help in dealing with his issues. © Corfiz74 / Reddit
• You have a kid. He is not the most important person in your family. Whatever crisis he is having, it’s his responsibility to manage the fallout. © recyclopath / Reddit
• Yeah, he’s trying to manipulate you into giving in to him and taking him back. Don’t fall for it, you’ve been the best partner anyone could hope for, and you deserve better; you deserve for someone to put you first and choose you always. © snogsnaglorde / Reddit

Mental health struggles are nothing to be ashamed of. You just have to find the courage and ask for help. Famous people like Catherine Zeta-Jones have shared their struggles and received a lot of love online.