My Husband Told Me That the C-Section I Had to Save Our Daughter Looks Disgusting
We received a heartbreaking letter from one of our loyal followers, who shared her painful experience of being body-shamed by her own husband. She had to undergo an emergency C-section, but instead of being supportive and grateful, her husband told her that the scar on her abdomen looks repelling.
Your C-section scar is not disgusting.
Dear Mary, thank you for writing to us and sharing your story. We’re sorry to hear that your husband said such a hurtful thing to you, and that you’re feeling heartbroken and angry. You are not in the wrong for feeling this way. Your feelings are valid and understandable.
Your C-section scar is not disgusting. It is a mark of courage, strength, and love. You endured a major surgery to bring your daughter into the world, and that is something to be proud of. Your scar is a part of you, and it tells a story of how you sacrificed your body and comfort for your child. It is a beautiful and powerful symbol of motherhood.
Your husband’s response to your scar lacks fairness and respect.
Your husband’s reaction to your scar is not fair or respectful. He may have been honest, but he was also insensitive and shallow.
He should have considered how his words would affect you, and how they would undermine your confidence and self-esteem. He should have appreciated what you went through, and how hard it was for you to recover from the C-section. He should have loved you for who you are, not for how you look.
You are deserving of an apology as well.
We understand that you love your husband, and that you want to move past this and not let it affect your relationship. But you also deserve an apology, and a sincere effort from him to change his attitude and behavior. You deserve a partner who supports you, respects you, and cherishes you. You deserve a partner who sees your scar as a sign of your resilience, not as a flaw.
Here are some suggestions for how you can cope with this situation and communicate with your husband:
- Talk to someone you trust, such as a friend, a family member, or a therapist. They can offer you emotional support, validation, and perspective. They can also help you to express your feelings and needs, and to plan your next steps.
- Talk to your husband, and tell him how his words hurt you, and how they made you feel. Use “I” statements, such as “I felt shocked and hurt when you said my scar grosses you out,” or “I feel angry and betrayed that you don’t appreciate what I went through.” Avoid blaming or accusing him, such as “You are a jerk, and you don’t love me,” or “You are shallow and superficial.” Focus on your feelings, not on his character.
- Ask your husband to listen to you, and to empathize with you. Ask him to put himself in your shoes, and to imagine how he would feel if you said something negative about his body. Ask him to acknowledge your pain, and to apologize sincerely. Ask him to tell you what he loves about you, and what he finds attractive about you.
- Ask your husband to work on his feelings and beliefs about your scar. He may have some misconceptions or biases about C-sections, or some unrealistic expectations about women’s bodies. He may need to educate himself, or to challenge his own assumptions. He may need to seek professional help, such as a counselor or an intimacy therapist, if he has deeper issues that affect his attraction.
- Work on your own self-esteem and body image. You are more than your scar, and you are more than your appearance. You have many qualities and attributes that make you a wonderful person and a great mother. Remind yourself of your strengths, your achievements, and your values. Celebrate your body for what it can do, not for how it looks. Practice self-care, and do things that make you feel good and happy.
- Seek couples counseling, if you and your husband are having trouble communicating or resolving this conflict. A professional therapist can help you to understand each other’s perspectives, to express your feelings and needs, and to find ways to improve your relationship. They can also help you to rebuild trust, respect, and intimacy.
We hope this helps, and we wish you all the best. Remember that you are not alone, and that you are not in the wrong. You are a brave and beautiful woman, and you deserve to be loved and appreciated for who you are.
Mary’s story is sad, but it’s not the end. There is hope and healing for women who have been hurt by their partners or society for their postpartum bodies. And one woman proved it. She took a bold step and shared her postpartum body with the world, and the feedback was incredible. Learn more in our next article.