Family relations can get very tricky, especially when there’s a death of a loved one involved. It can change the dynamic and relationships with certain people, and that often leads to disaster. One of our readers reached out to share the recent experience she had with her MIL.
Dear Bright Side,
My FIL passed away a couple of months ago, and my husband inherited his house. We treated it like we would our own. We did all necessary repairs, upgraded the house and furniture so it could be more modern, and paid all the bills and fees. It was our new home, and we wanted it in our style.
During this time my MIL had booked herself a cruise to “recover from the loss,” and everything was going great. But last week, my MIL showed up and took over. She acted like we were guests, complained about all the changes, and called it “her home.”
I discussed my discomfort with my husband, but he said she just had to get used to the change and that she was only staying until she could find her own place. I trusted him, and that was the worst thing I could’ve done.
Last weekend, she came to me and said, “You’re late with the rent. Pay it now, or I’m kicking you out.” I was stunned and told her that we owned the house, we didn’t owe her anything, and if she didn’t like it, she was welcome to leave.
She obviously didn’t like what I had to say and stormed off. I thought things were settled, but the next day my husband came to “confront me.” I froze when he admitted that he had been paying her a monthly “rent” from our joint account.
I asked him why he would do such a thing if we owned the house, and he said that she threatened to dispute the will if he didn’t. In his eyes, he was just supporting her, but that obviously wasn’t how she saw things. And that was a big problem.
He also admitted that he didn’t know how to get himself out of the situation, so I told him that I would handle it. So when she came to me yesterday to demand her “rent,” I sat her down and told her she had 2 choices. She could go dispute the will, or she could refund me the $10,000 that she got.
When she gives the money back, we can talk about how my husband and I can help her financially moving forward. She immediately went to complain to my husband, but he told her that he wasn’t getting involved. She left after that, and we haven’t heard anything from her.
My husband seems to be upset about the situation but isn’t arguing the choice I made. So, Bright Side, was I too harsh? Should I have played her game instead so we could keep the peace?
Regards,
Amber G.
Dear Amber,
Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing your story.
You weren’t harsh; you were corrective, and that distinction matters. Your MIL didn’t just overstep emotionally. She used grief, access to the house, and your husband’s fear of losing his inheritance to quietly extort money from your shared finances while positioning herself as the owner.
The moment your husband paid her “rent” behind your back, this stopped being about keeping the peace and became a financial and marital boundary breach.
By forcing her to either formally contest the will or return the $10,000, you removed the power of her ambiguity; the threat only worked because it stayed vague and emotional. You also did something crucial your husband couldn’t: you separated helping her from being manipulated by her.
Going forward, the real work isn’t repairing things with your MIL. It’s sitting down with your husband to make it clear that unilateral financial decisions, secret payments, and choosing conflict avoidance over honesty can’t happen again, especially when his mother is involved.
Peace built on silence would have cost you far more than $10,000 in the long run.
Amber did what she thought was right, and it might have destroyed the relationship between her husband and his mother. But she isn’t the only one who is having problems with her mother-in-law.
Another one of our readers reached out to share their experience. Read the full story here: My MIL Excluded Me and My Child From "Her Family"—So I Made a Move She Didn’t Expect.
Your husband is mommy whipped, and YOU are less than smart, if he was PAYING her out of a JOINT account, and YOU were not aware. Don't you check your bank statements? Do you have so much money that you wouldn't notice? If you stay with him, he will KEEP backing her, NOT you. HE doesn't want any conflicts and he WILL put you in the middle, as often as he can. Stay or go, YOU have to live with your choice.
