My MIL Fat Shamed Me After I Had My Baby, So Now I Refuse to Visit Her

In today’s story, tensions rise as a daughter-in-law deals with a delicate situation involving her mother-in-law’s hurtful comments. Join us as we delve into the complexities of family dynamics, societal expectations, and the doubts of who is wrong.

She shared what happened.

My husband and I just welcomed our first baby a few months ago. He and I are overjoyed, and I am so in love with our tiny bundle. My family has been super supportive, bringing us dinners and making sure we had time for napping while we adjusted to parent life.

My husband’s family is different from mine in a lot of ways. They didn’t want to visit us and only wanted us to come to them (they live about 20 minutes away) and didn’t really care to offer much support following the birth. We were fine with it and brought our baby over when we were able to — around 3 times a month.

After the first month, my MIL began commenting about how much she prioritized “losing the baby weight” after she had her first baby. At first, I didn’t think anything of it, I thought she was just voicing her experience as many people do when they are around babies. She then started commenting on my baby’s chubby cheeks, and how similar they are to mine. I felt a bit hurt but let it slide once again.

The final straw was when my husband was talking to her casually about my wanting to start going on runs again and how we were planning on making it work since our baby is very attached to me. She very loudly said, “You’re thinking about trying to run? Shouldn’t you start with walking?” His whole family was in the room and looked at me, waiting for my answer. I am an avid runner who only stopped due to my pregnancy, and her comment really hurt.

Comments on my body or physical abilities are hurtful to hear, and she is someone who I knew talked about people’s bodies behind their backs, but I didn’t think she would be so mean to my face. I am not skinny by any means, but I have a healthy and active lifestyle so weight should not be my concern.

This is where I feel like I overstepped. I don’t want to see her anymore. She makes me feel horrible about myself and my husband is backing me up 100%. His mom is angry because she thinks we are just keeping her grandchild away from her and believes it is unfair. He goes there without me but it is difficult to take our baby because she is exclusively breastfed and refuses bottles of any kind.

People defended her.

• “Commenting on the weight of someone who just had a baby is an incredibly bad move, no one asked her.” tessherelurkingnow / Reddit
• “Also, who insists on people with newborns coming to visit instead of going to them? You aren’t keeping your baby away from your in-laws, they could come for a visit while you stay away from your monster-in-law, and leave when the baby needs a feed. Not that hard.” haleorshine / Reddit
• “My MIL bought me a little book full of calorie counts for Christmas about 15 years ago, and still has no idea why I don’t see much of her.” centopar / Reddit

• “The MIL needs to learn the five-second rule — if it is not something that can be changed in five seconds or less (e.g. food in teeth, skirt tucked into underwear, etc.) then nothing is said at all.” SmaugTheHedgehog / Reddit
• “Commenting on someone’s weight is terrible in general, but to do it in front of a room full of people is definitely worse. The baby shouldn’t have to be brought to her all the time and, truthfully, the baby doesn’t need to grow up around a toxic grandparent giving them body issues.” Mandiezie1 / Reddit
• “Perhaps she isn’t aware of the seriousness of her behavior. This absolutely isn’t on you, but perhaps your husband could remind her what triggers are and that she needs to be more considerate to keep the peace (i.e. make it bearable for you to be around her).” Luke-Waum-5846
  / Reddit

• “Your mother-in-law is horrible. She will 100% say the same things about your kid in a few years.” Vtbsk_1887 / Reddit
• “There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to waste your time around people who only want to tear you down.” Charlie_Parkers_Mood / Reddit
• “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of her own actions. You should tell her that her behavior reminds you of a toddler and see how she reacts to being compared to a baby.” Old-General-4121 / Reddit

While some may argue that standing up against such obvious disrespect is necessary for self-respect and boundary-setting, others might advocate for attempting to mend bridges and find common ground. Ultimately, the resolution lies in open communication, empathy, and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives.