My MIL Used a Birthday Gift to Mock Me, So I Returned the Favor

Birthday presents can range from thoughtful to disappointing, but one reader found herself stunned by a gift from her mother-in-law that felt downright offensive. The discovery left her hurt and angry. Instead of letting it slide, she decided to respond in a bold way.

Hello, Bright Side,

My mother-in-law, Sydney, gifted me a beautiful, expensive perfume for my birthday. It came in a heavy glass bottle with a fancy box, and she made a big deal about how exclusive it was. I was honestly touched. We don’t always have the warmest relationship, so I took it as a good sign.

I loved the scent and started wearing it every day to work.

A few weeks later, one of my colleagues noticed the bottle on my desk. She asked if she could talk to me privately.

She looked uncomfortable and whispered, “Maya, I don’t want to embarrass you, but this perfume has been recalled for causing skin reactions. A friend of mine had a bad experience with it.” I was shaken.

I went home and checked online. There was a recall. I immediately stopped using it.

When I told my husband, he brushed it off and said his mom probably didn’t know. But later, during a family dinner, I overheard Sydney telling someone she “regifted” a perfume she couldn’t return because it irritated her skin. She didn’t mention my name, but I knew.

For her birthday the next month, I bought her a luxury candle from the same brand, knowing she’s sensitive to scents. When she opened it, she laughed awkwardly and said, “Oh, I can’t really use these.” I smiled and said, “That’s okay, you can regift it.” The look on her face said she understood.

I’m not sure if I made things worse. Was that petty?

Maya

Thank you for reaching out to us, Maya. Building a positive relationship with your mother-in-law can be challenging, and we understand how stressful it may feel. Below, you’ll find our advice to help you take the next steps and improve things moving forward.

• Have a calm, clarifying conversation. If you feel safe doing so, it might help to clear the air directly. Let her know that you overheard what she said about the perfume and that it made you feel dismissed. Keep your tone warm but firm. Even if she brushes it off again, you’ll know you gave her a chance to own her actions.
• Keep future gift exchanges clear and light. To prevent future awkwardness, consider setting gentle boundaries around gift-giving. That way, you’re reducing the chances of another incident where an unspoken message is hidden inside a gift.
• Ask your husband to be more involved. If your husband tends to brush things off, it’s fair to ask him to back you up more openly. You can explain that when he minimizes your concerns, it makes you feel even more alone in the situation. He doesn’t need to take sides, but he can acknowledge your feelings and help mediate if needed.
• Don’t downplay the risk you took. It’s okay to feel hurt by what could’ve been a health risk, and your concern is valid even if others brush it off. If Sydney truly regifted something harmful without telling you, that’s more than poor etiquette. It’s a breach of trust.

• Remember the broader picture. If this was a one-time issue, it’s worth weighing it against the full arc of your relationship with her. If it’s a pattern, it might be time to set firmer emotional boundaries. But if it’s a bump in a road you both genuinely want to walk together, there’s room for repair without resentment.
• If needed, let time reset the tone. Sometimes the best thing to do after a subtle clash is nothing at all. Let time pass. Let the air settle. She might reflect, or she might not.
  But space can soften defensiveness and open the door for better communication later. Keep your tone neutral and kind in future interactions, and allow that to speak louder than any candle or perfume bottle ever could.
• Decide what you want long-term. Ask yourself what kind of relationship you truly want with your mother-in-law. Do you want closeness? Civility? Distance with mutual respect? Once you’re clear on what you want, it’s easier to decide whether a candid conversation, ongoing kindness, or firm boundaries are the best tools.

Birthdays can sometimes bring family tension to the surface instead of joy. One woman shared how her celebration was disrupted when her mother-in-law caused a scene. After that, things took an unexpected turn when she decided to respond in her own way.