I Refused to Live With My MIL Unless She Respects My Three Rules

Olivia never thought she’d end up living under the same roof as her mother-in-law. However, when her MIL insisted on moving in to help care for her three young children, Olivia felt pressured to agree. Wanting to maintain some boundaries, she set three straightforward rules that had to be respected. What Olivia didn’t expect was that her conditions would spark tension and family drama, leaving her no choice but to seek advice from Bright Side.

Here is the story of our reader.

"Hey everyone,

I’m kind of drowning over here and could use some advice. Things have gotten super messy with my MIL, and now I’m wondering if I totally messed up.

So, background: my mother-in-law has been living on her own since she retired last year. Recently, she’s been pretty aggressively hinting (okay, basically demanding) that she move in with us to “make life easier” now that I’m back working full-time and we have two little kids under 5.

The thing is, as much as I desperately need help some days, I’ve never wanted to live with my MIL. She’s... a lot.

After a lot of internal screaming, I said yes — but I set a few ground rules:

• She’d cover her own groceries and personal expenses.
• She’d help out around the house — not just with the kids, but with basic cleaning, dishes, laundry, the works.
• If she wanted specific meals (she’s super into keto and gluten-free everything), she’d have to cook them herself because I’m barely managing family dinners as it is.

I genuinely thought I was being fair. Like, if another adult moves into the house, it’s not a free ride, right? Plus, I was trying to protect my own sanity.

Well... she did not take it well.

She got super upset, told my husband I was “cold” and “unwelcoming,” and now he’s furious at me too. He thinks the conditions I set were “too harsh” and that I made her feel like an intruder. Honestly, the way he reacted hurt more than anything. He sided with her without even asking me why I felt the need to set those boundaries.

Now the whole vibe at home is awful, and I’m sitting here questioning everything. Did I go overboard? Should I have just kept my mouth shut? How do I even start fixing this without turning into the family villain?

Any advice would seriously mean the world right now.

— Olivia.

Thank you, Olivia, for opening up and sharing your story with us. Navigating boundaries with a mother-in-law can be challenging, especially when trying to avoid drama and conflict. We hope the advice we’ve put together will help you handle this situation smoothly and maintain peace in your home.

First: set your boundaries.

Set clear boundaries and expectations right from the beginning. Outline specific chores, shared responsibilities, and respect for personal space. Making sure everyone knows their role early on can help avoid conflicts down the line.

Second: communicate openly.

Have an open and honest conversation with your husband and mother-in-law. Share your perspective calmly and take the time to listen to their concerns. Open communication can help clear up misunderstandings and encourage a more cooperative approach to living together.

Third: reevaluate conditions.

Think about whether some of your conditions could be adjusted to make the living arrangement smoother for everyone. For example, instead of asking your mother-in-law to cover all of her groceries, you might suggest a fixed monthly contribution toward household expenses. This allows her to share responsibility without feeling overwhelmed.

You could also assign specific chores that align with her strengths or preferences, making it easier for her to contribute without it feeling like a burden.

Fourth: create personal space.

Make sure every member of the household has their own personal space to maintain privacy and minimize potential conflicts. Set aside designated areas where each person can relax and recharge without interruptions. Give your mother-in-law a comfortable room of her own, and ensure your children have enough space to play and study freely without feeling crowded.

Respecting personal boundaries and setting clear expectations can help foster a calmer, more harmonious living environment for everyone involved.

Firth: plan activities together.

Take part in activities that can help nurture a positive relationship with your mother-in-law. Shared experiences like cooking meals together or organizing family outings can help strengthen your bond and contribute to a more peaceful home atmosphere.

You might also consider setting aside a regular time each week for a family event, such as a movie night, game night, or a relaxing walk in the park. Another idea is to involve her in home projects or hobbies you both enjoy, like gardening, crafting, or experimenting with new recipes.

Family relationships aren’t always straightforward. They can be filled with misunderstandings, different expectations, and occasional conflicts. Sometimes, maintaining strong family ties requires patience, open communication, and a willingness to work through challenges together. Building healthy connections often takes effort, but it can lead to deeper trust and lasting bonds.

I Refused to Babysit My Sister’s Kids After She and Her Husband Humiliated Me During a Family Dinner