My Mom Got Pregnant by My Ex, and Now I’m Stuck With the Baby

It sounds like the plot of a bad reality show, but for this woman, it’s real life. What began as a tangled mess of family drama has spiraled into a situation no one saw coming—and no one seems willing to take responsibility for. Except the heroine of this story.

Her mother wanted to help her fulfill her dream.

What a situation. We understand the emotional whirlwind you’re in and how overwhelming it must feel—but maybe these simple steps can help you regain a bit of control.

A few useful tips:

• Name the betrayal for what it is — even if the intent was love: You weren’t asked. You weren’t included. That’s betrayal, even if the goal was to “give you a gift.”
  Example: “I appreciate what you thought you were doing for me. But making this decision without involving me took away my right to choose. That hurt more than I can say.”

• Sit with the ambivalence, you don’t owe anyone certainty yet: You’re allowed to feel both love and disgust, joy and rage, hope and resentment. Those feelings may coexist for a long time. Don’t force yourself to “pick a side” emotionally.

• Get clear on what the baby means to you, without pressure: You don’t have to make a decision about whether you’ll raise the child today. But it can help to reflect on what motherhood means to you, not to others. Ask yourself: If this baby were conceived through a traditional surrogate — would I feel differently? Is my hesitation about the baby, or about the people involved?

• Talk to a mental health professional who specializes in family trauma or surrogacy: What happened isn’t just emotional — it challenges your sense of identity, autonomy, and future. You deserve a space where you’re not judged or advised, just supported. Therapists can help you sort the mess.

• Choose what kind of mother or woman you want to be now: You’ve survived heartbreak, infertility, and betrayal. But this doesn’t define you. You get to write your next chapter, whether it includes this child, another child someday, or no children at all.

• Resist pressure to “just be grateful”: Gratitude doesn’t cancel grief or anger. People might expect you to feel lucky — to be getting a child. But you can be grateful and deeply hurt. Both are valid.

• Pause all major decisions until you feel emotionally clear: This is not the time to commit to raising the baby, cutting off your mother forever, or reconnecting with your ex. Wait until you feel grounded — not reactive.

But sometimes, the weight of one person’s sacrifice goes unseen, creating unexpected tension even between sisters.