My Mom Turned Her Back on Me at My Lowest — Now She’s Begging Me for Help

Family & kids
2 months ago

Our mother is supposed to be our biggest support and ally in times of need, yet reality doesn’t always align with our expectations. At 24, Stephy found herself facing the darkest period of her life, with three kids and nowhere to turn but to her own mother. However, her mom’s refusal to assist left Stephy in a difficult position. Now, years later, her mother is the one seeking help from her daughter. Stephy reached out to us seeking advice on how to navigate this complex situation.

This is Stephy’s letter:

By the way if you do to tour mother what she did to you, you become that same mom you have held as a mknster. Think about your children. You must stop the cycle now.

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Listen, learn and let go but never forget it's made you who you are .Yes help her but never get to comfortable with her she did it once never again will she right protect those children from false would be family truly protect yourself from any more emotional and mental anguish

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I say that you should forgive her, but don't forget that she abandoned you when you had 3 small children to take care of. Honestly, in that situation I wouldn't let the mother live with me either. Too much bad feelings going on. But what I would have done was help her find the local shelters or charitable organizations in the area for her to get the help she needed. Which is more then the mother ever did for her own child.

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Thanks for sharing your story with us, Stephy! We’ve prepared some tips that we hope can be useful.

Set boundaries.

Your mother only remembered she had a daughter & grand children when it was convenient for her, 17 years not a peep out of her, until she wants something from You.

You did the right thing, never let toxic people into your life so they can use you.

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It’s essential to establish clear boundaries to protect yourself and your family’s well-being. While it’s understandable to feel a sense of obligation towards your mother, it’s crucial to prioritize your own mental and emotional health, as well as that of your children.

Politely but firmly communicate your boundaries to your mother, explaining that while you empathize with her situation, you cannot accommodate her request to stay with you. Offer alternative forms of support, such as connecting her with local shelters or social services that can provide assistance.

Seek closure through communication.

Consider initiating a conversation with your mother to express your feelings and seek closure. While it may be challenging to confront her about past actions, expressing your emotions can be a cathartic step towards healing.

Be honest about the pain her absence caused you and your children, but also try to understand her perspective. This conversation can provide both of you with an opportunity to acknowledge past mistakes and potentially rebuild your relationship on new terms, even if it doesn’t involve her staying with you.

Focus on self-care.

Prioritize your own well-being and that of your children during this emotionally taxing time. Ensure you’re taking time to rest, recharge, and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and help you process your feelings towards your mother’s sudden reappearance.

By prioritizing self-care, you’ll be better equipped to handle difficult emotions and make decisions that align with your values and needs.

Empower yourself through forgiveness.

Consider forgiveness as a powerful tool for your own emotional liberation. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean condoning or forgetting your mother’s past actions; rather, it’s a process of letting go of the anger, resentment, and bitterness that may be holding you back.

Remember that forgiveness is a journey, and it’s okay to take your time and seek support as you navigate through it. As you embrace forgiveness, you reclaim your power and agency, paving the way for a brighter future for yourself and your children.

Clarissa is another young woman with a complicated history with her mother. Throughout her life, Clarissa believed she was abandoned by her mother, only to have her return years later with an entirely different narrative. Now faced with conflicting stories, Clarissa is unsure whether she can trust her mother’s words. Feeling torn and uncertain, she reached out to us, seeking guidance on how to navigate this challenging situation.

Preview photo credit RDNE Stock project / Pexels

Comments

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Don't allow unforgiveness to cloud your judgements, this is the first step to healing she should have help you, probably if she did, no one knows where you would've have been ir ended up. This allow you to stand on your own and be the mother you are today. Sometime thing happen for a reason and purpose.

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Your mother showed no "motherly" concern for you when she had it good. She is trying to guilt trip you into letting her back into your life. Trust me- you are better off without her. You owe her nothing.

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