My Son Wanted Me to Get an Awful Gift for His Wife — Now He’s Furious With Me

Guided by love, family, and the lessons that shape us, Maria’s story will strike a chord with anyone who’s ever tried to do the right thing in a complex situation. Having raised her son on her own, she took pride in instilling core values like respect and kindness. But when she witnessed his dismissive attitude toward his wife—her cherished daughter-in-law—she knew she couldn’t remain silent.

This is Maria’s letter to Bright Side:

I am a single mother, and managed to raise my son well enough, or so I thought. He got married to a beautiful girl a few years back. She’s a lovely, and we get along rather well. Her birthday was coming up.

I asked my son what my DIL would like as a birthday gift. His reply shocked me, “Get her a dress two sizes smaller, so that she realizes she needs to lose weight.” I admit that she’s put on a little weight in the past few months, but I found my son’s request very cruel.

I also feel he doesn’t treat her with the kind of respect she does, even though she never complains and laughs off anything he says. I kept quiet, and bought her a dress. Not only did I buy her a stunning dress in her size, but nestled in the folds was a beautiful diamond pendant and matching earrings that I know she had been eyeing for a while.

On her birthday, she unwrapped his gift first, and it was a cookbook with recipes to help someone lose weight. I could see she was disappointed, but she still smiled and thanked him nicely, before turning to me.

She opened my beautiful wrapped present. I could see she was delighted with the dress, but when she saw the jewelry, she got teary. She got up and hugged me, telling me how much my gesture meant to her, and how it made her feel beautiful.

She also said that she’s been struggling with depression and my gift felt like a helping hand. I asked her to get changed so we could go to dinner, and she excitedly agreed, leaving the room.

My furious son angrily yelled at me, “I love my wife, how dare you make it seem like I don’t. You did that to make me look like a bad husband. You should have spoken to me about this first.”

We went out for dinner and though my son did not say anything else, I did feel a bit guilty for not telling him what I was planning to get for my daughter-in-law. He’s not been talking to me much since then, so did I truly do something wrong? How can I make it right?

Hi Maria! Thank you for your courage in sharing your story. It’s clear that your family’s well-being is very important to you, and you’re doing your best to support everyone involved. These complex relationships can take an emotional toll, but your openness and willingness to examine your own behavior show real strength and compassion. Let’s go through the main points you’ve mentioned, one at a time.

1. Should parents interfere in their adult children’s lives?

Deciding whether parents should get involved in their children’s marriages is a delicate matter. Generally, it’s best to respect boundaries and let adult children handle their own relationships. Yet, there are exceptions—and your situation is one of them.

When you notice clear signs of disrespect or emotional harm, a thoughtful intervention may be necessary. Your subtle but impactful approach conveyed a message without sparking open conflict, but it did give you an upper hand. Had you let your son know, he might have rethought his gift and your DIL could have had an even better birthday.

That being said, you did show your assertiveness, and rather than confronting your son directly, you used a well-chosen gift to make your point. Perhaps this may be a well-needed lesson.

2. How to deal with a disrespectful partner in the family?

Addressing disrespect from a spouse—whether it’s yours or your child’s—calls for patience and a measured approach. In your case, your son’s behavior toward his wife is concerning.

Open communication is essential. Consider having a private, calm discussion with him. Share your observations and concerns in a non-critical way, for example: “I’ve noticed some of your comments to your wife seem dismissive, and I’m worried they might hurt her.”

By framing it as concern rather than accusation, you encourage self-reflection instead of defensiveness. Invite your son to think about how his words might affect his wife. Often, people slip into unhealthy patterns without realizing their impact. By gently bringing this to his attention, you offer him a chance to recognize the issue and change.

3. What’s the best way to offer criticism in a relationship?

Criticism in marriage is unavoidable, but the way it’s communicated can make all the difference. Constructive feedback zeroes in on actions instead of attacking someone’s character.

For instance, rather than saying, “You’ve gained too much weight,” you could say, “I’d love to work on getting healthier together.” If your son is open to suggestions, encourage him to approach discussions with his wife from a standpoint of kindness and partnership. Fostering gratitude and emphasizing each other’s strengths, rather than dwelling on perceived flaws, can bring them closer.

4. How can in-laws be more supportive?

You’re already offering incredible support to your daughter-in-law. Recognizing her as a valued part of the family and acknowledging her contributions makes a significant impact. Simple gestures—like the thoughtful gift you bought—can boost her confidence and help her feel truly appreciated.

In-laws play a key role in establishing a healthy family dynamic by modeling mutual respect and understanding. By demonstrating these values in your interactions, you create a positive environment that fosters harmony within the family.

5. How can you teach adult children to respect their partners?

Instilling respect starts early, but it’s never too late to reinforce it. Take a moment to consider the example you set for your son as he was growing up. Did he witness kindness, empathy, and cooperation in your relationships? Children often mirror what they see. If there were gaps, acknowledge them and focus on modeling respectful behavior now.

Have an open, honest conversation with your son about the significance of respect in a marriage. Share your own experiences and lessons learned. Sometimes, hearing these insights directly from a parent has more impact than we realize.

6. What are effective ways to handle family conflicts?

Special events and holidays often bring underlying family tensions to light, so the best approach is to anticipate conflicts and address them early. Set clear expectations around kindness and inclusivity when everyone gathers.

If disagreements come up, shift the focus to shared values and memories. For example, you might say, “Remember why we’re here—to celebrate together and create happy moments.”

7. Remember that growth is a lifelong process.

Keep fostering open communication and leading by example. The seeds of respect and kindness you’re planting now will benefit your family well into the future. You’re doing what’s right, and we are confident your family will grow stronger because of it. Your daughter-in-law surely feels supported, and your son has been allowed to reflect on his behavior.

The next time something like this happens, he may check himself. If not, try a calm conversation first, before you do something this drastic, it might help.

Relationships are complicated, as is evidenced from this story of a woman who is pregnant a second time, but her husband seems to be having a somewhat toxic reaction to it all. Read on to learn why.