My Step Dad Wants a Romantic Relationship With Me, I Feel Trapped

A woman, 30, came to Reddit to tell people about her extraordinary family situation. She feels trapped, because of how her relationship with her adoptive father is progressing. What she thought was an exclusively good bond between her and the husband of her mom, now turned out to be a relationship that she didn’t even expect and didn’t want at all.

It all started when the woman needed help from her family.

The woman begins her story on one of the Reddit communities, saying, «My (30f) step dad (58m) confessed to me that he is in love with me. This happened 3 years ago. For context, my mom and step dad got married about 10 years ago. My mom and I are not close she walked out when I was 4 and had me on weekends but I spent 80% of my time with her parents and my aunt as she was to busy with whoever she was dating at the time.»

The woman’s relationship with her own dad wasn’t smooth since she was a kid. She said, " I was raised by my dad’s parents because my dad was too busy working all the time. I come from a very strict German family that are basically like Vulcans and show very little emotion.«

The woman appeared to be in a very tough life situation and needed help. She revealed, «3 years ago I suffered from a misfortunate relationship and I ended up moving in with my mom temporarily so she could help with my son while I was in treatment. This is when everything with my step dad started.»

At first, it seemed like a very close bond between the woman and her step dad.

The woman goes on with her story, saying that her stepfather was the first person to offer her some really good help and support.

She says, «After I got out of the hospital me and him got close. Everyday for 3 months he would drive me to and from out patient therapy and we would just talk or listen to music. Harmless. When I had meltdowns he would talk me through it and be a shoulder to cry on. Harmless. We would go on hikes together with my son because my mom has health problems and would opt out. Again harmless. Or so I thought.»

She was treating her mom’s husband like her own father, but there was a red flag in their relationship.

The woman revealed," In my head, it felt like I finally had a dad that showed me love and attention. I even gave him a card for Christmas asking if I could call him dad and he cried and said yes. I was overjoyed, I finally had a bond with a parent that I’ve never had before. Boy was I wrong. "

It all went too far and the woman feels uncomfortable now.

The woman goes on with her story, saying, that at one moment she clearly realized something was wrong between her and her stepfather.

She explained, «Now let’s bring in my now boyfriend Z(24m). He worked with my step dad and he brought him over one day and me and Z hit it off instantly. We hung out and talked for hours. My step dad started getting protective and I just read it as being a dad.»

Her step dad showed his true intentions and it became a shock for the OP.

She says, " Well one night we went out carp shooting like we normally did and that’s when my step dad confessed his love for me. He wanted to know if I felt the same way and said he wished he was 20 years younger. He also admitted that his tears over my Christmas card were tears of sadness that I saw him only as a dad. I awkwardly told him I just saw him as my dad and that night I cried myself to sleep in Z’s arms. Have I told my mom? No. She has a long history of choosing partners over me. So much that her ex gfs son SA’d me and she took his side over mine."

Redditors were quick to deliver some pieces of good advice for the woman in the comments.

People of Reddit were quite supportive of the desperate woman and rushed to the comments section to share their views of the problem.

One user wrote, «He gravitated towards a person in extreme vulnerability (you).

He knew you didn’t have any strong support systems, he grew closer to you while you were going through trauma.

If he really loved you he would know that you need a family or parental figure in your life more than anything. Telling you he wanted you romantically instead is selfish, cruel and also predatory.

I’m sorry you don’t have any long-standing support in your life, but stay strong (cringe I know) and make decisions you know are best for you. Cut these people out and make new family. You’re most important here.»

Another person added, «There’s a parallel mechanic in play here, which is that a lot of people „fall in love“ in a completely one-sided way, where they indulge in this idea about what a relationship with that other person could be like and get hugely emotionally invested without any input from the other person.

In and of itself that’s not predatory, it’s merely dysfunctional. But then throw in a power dynamic where the subject has power over the vulnerable object of their affections, and throw in an attitude of entitlement towards reciprocation from the people you „love“, and it can become predatory really fast.»

And one more user commented, «This is wrong and gross. He’s your parental figure, he was doing what he should be doing.

Tell your mother what he said and then stop contacting or interacting with him in anyway.»

And here’s yet another story from a woman, whose MIL is an obstacle for her relationship with her husband, even a romantic one.