My Stepdaughter Refuses to Accept Me—but She’s Asking for My Help

A sense of entitlement can often break family ties. Some people ask for ridiculous favors, taking advantage of being family. In this case, a woman’s stepdaughter is acting unfairly while expecting her stepmother to do whatever she asks for.

My stepdaughter never liked me.

The woman shares, “My stepdaughter, Cassie (26), never liked me. She decided to move back in with us. My husband agreed, but only if she accepted me. When he told Cassie that, she exploded, saying, “She is nothing to me! This isn’t her house.” I looked at my husband for support, but he avoided my gaze and said, “Don’t forget, Cassie’s name is in the deed.”

I felt heavily disrespected.

She felt a lack of support, saying, “I was speechless. She ended up coming over anyway, even without accepting me. I tried to help. As she came, I helped her with her bags. They felt oddly light. She got mad and said, ‘Don’t touch anything!’ I waited until she left to unzip the bag and find barely any clothes or belongings. My husband came up to me a few days later, saying Cassie’s broke and needs a bit more funds. He said he’s already spending on our family and can’t afford to help her.

So, he wants me to dig into my savings that I left for my own son. I simply said, ‘I’m nothing to her, remember?’ They were not having it and told me I’m selfish and don’t deserve to live in this house. So, now I’m thinking about divorce, but we do have a son together. I don’t like separating families, but this is getting too much. What should I do?”

Understanding your feelings.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It’s completely valid to feel hurt and unsupported in this situation. Marriage is a partnership, and when one partner avoids standing up for the other, you’re bound to feel some loneliness. The fact that they expect financial help while dismissing your place in the home adds to the frustration. It’s understandable why divorce is on your mind, especially when respect and mutual support are missing.

Considering your child’s wellbeing.

Staying for the sake of the child is a common concern, but growing up in a tense or unhealthy environment isn’t ideal either. Kids pick up on conflict, and if the household is filled with resentment, it may affect them more than a respectful co-parenting arrangement would. The priority should be creating a stable, loving environment—whether that’s together or apart.

Evaluating your options.

Before making any decisions, it might help to reflect on whether things could improve. Would couples therapy or a frank conversation with your husband about how you feel change the dynamic? If he’s unwilling to address the issues, then it’s worth thinking about what’s best for your long-term happiness. Financially, it’s also important to protect yourself. Consulting a lawyer to understand your rights, especially regarding shared assets and child custody, could provide clarity.

If you don’t want divorce right now, consider this.

If divorce isn’t the immediate choice, setting clear boundaries could be a step forward. Letting your husband know that you won’t contribute financially to a house where you’re made to feel unwelcome is reasonable. Similarly, insisting on mutual respect from Cassie if she’s living under the same roof is fair.

Prioritizing yourself is key.

Talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or legal advisor could help sort through the emotions and practicalities. Whatever path is chosen, it’s okay to prioritize a healthy, respectful environment for yourself and your child.

There’s no easy answer, but your happiness and well-being matter. Your goal should be to live a life where you feel valued and at peace. That is oftentimes hard when navigating family drama. Just check out these stories that show peace is a myth when family is involved.