My Stepmom Abandoned Me as a Child—Now, She Wants a Favor

A single decision can change the course of a lifetime. After Danielle lost her father, her stepmother vanished without a trace. Raised by her devoted grandparents, Danielle found stability — until years later, when her stepmother reappeared with a truth that’s left her torn and uncertain.

This is Danielle’s letter:

My father died when I was 12. It was a very painful time for me, as I had already lost my mother when I was very young. My only support was my stepmother, as I had no other siblings. Apparently, she didn’t feel the same. She barely spoke to me through the funeral and all, and within two months, it was all over. My stepmom, the only mother I ever had, dumped me at my grandparents and remarried. I was devastated, but my grandparents were incredible and supported me all through. I broke all contact with her. She also wasn’t very interested in keeping in touch.

20 years later, I ran into her at the hospital (I am a doctor), and she begged me to listen. What she said shocked me. Apparently, my father’s death had sent her into deep depression, and she only realized how bad it was after a couple of years. By this time, her new husband had also filed for divorce, and she spent years in therapy, trying to overcome her depression over losing my father and abandoning me.

She begged me for forgiveness and hoped that we could stay in touch, especially since she was now grappling with cancer, and the future was uncertain for her. I am torn, because on one hand I still resent her deeply, for having left me at a time I needed her the most. On the other hand, I feel for her, given that depression is a genuine mental disorder. What do I do?

Danielle

Danielle, thank you for sharing your story with us, and we applaud for being so strong when faced with massive tragedy. Here are some suggestions we hope may offer you guidance, and help you find peace.

Prioritize your needs and emotions.

Take a moment to tune into your own feelings and needs in this situation. Think about whether reaching out to your stepmother supports your emotional well-being and fits into your healing journey.

While it’s valid to acknowledge the pain and sense of betrayal you’ve experienced, it may also be worth considering whether forgiveness and reconciliation could offer you a sense of peace over time.

Seek professional help and care.

You might find it helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can support you as you work through the complicated emotions and choices tied to your relationship with your stepmother.

Having a neutral, compassionate perspective can offer clarity as you explore your feelings, weigh your options, and decide whether reconnecting with her feels right for you.

Set firm boundaries.

If you choose to reconnect with your stepmother, it’s important to express your boundaries clearly and confidently. Share how her actions impacted you, and let her know what you need in order to move forward.

This might mean setting limits around certain topics—like revisiting the past, discussing medical matters, or defining the role you’re willing to play in her life. Honest, respectful communication can lay the groundwork for a healthier relationship—if that’s the path you decide to take.

Forgiveness may add to your healing.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to forget or condone what happened—but it can be a meaningful step toward your own healing and growth. Ask yourself if, even gradually, choosing forgiveness might help you find a sense of peace or closure.

Remember, forgiveness is deeply personal. It’s perfectly okay to move at your own pace and put your emotional well-being first every step of the way.

In stark contrast to Danielle’s story are these parents who stood by their children, come hell, or high water, making us believe in the power of love.