My Vegan DIL Put My 6YO Grandson on a Vegan Diet — So I Came Up With a Secret Plan

Family dynamics can be both heartwarming and complicated, especially when different values or beliefs come into play. Parenting choices, dietary preferences, and generational differences often lead to misunderstandings, even when everyone has good intentions at heart. It’s not uncommon for relatives to clash when it comes to raising children, and emotions can run high when someone feels their boundaries have been crossed. Recently, we received a letter from a reader who found herself in such a situation and wanted to share her story with the Bright Side community.

Here’s her letter:

Dear Bright Side,

My vegan DIL is put off by meat, so I cook for my son and 6-year-old grandson. Recently, she declared the boy will go strictly vegan from now on. I said, “No way—kids need meat to grow!”

“My family, my rules!” she snapped.

Later, I came up with a plan: I snuck into her room and slipped a bottle of gummy vitamins in my son’s nightstand drawer with a small note: “Make sure to give the boy two gummies daily to help make up for the nutrients he’s missing from meat.”

They were the kind with gelatin—not exactly meat, but not vegan either. I figured he needed the nutrients, and what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

Later that week, she found the bottle in the drawer and showed up at my door, furious. She said I had deliberately gone against her parenting choices, and that the gummies contained gelatin, which was ruining her son’s vegan diet.

Then she said if I couldn’t respect her choices, I wouldn’t be a part of their lives. I told her it was just a vitamin. She told me that trust doesn’t come in small doses.

And just like that, it’s been a week since I’ve seen my grandson. Now I’m wondering—did I do something wrong? And how can I fix this?

Sincerely,
Claire

Thank you, Claire, for placing your trust in us with your difficult story. To support you, we’ve put together 5 key pieces of advice to help you handle this situation with minimal harm and work toward repairing your relationship with your family.

Choose connection over control.

Claire, it’s clear that your heart was in the right place—you want your grandson to be healthy. But sneaking the vitamins behind your daughter-in-law’s back may have felt like a breach of trust. Parenting decisions, even if you disagree with them, ultimately belong to the child’s parents.

Instead of trying to correct what you think is wrong, try building a bridge through open, respectful conversations. When she sees you’re willing to support her choices—even if they differ from yours—she may be more open to your input in the future.

Apologize authentically, not defensively.

If you truly want to repair the relationship, start with a heartfelt, no-excuses apology. Avoid defending your actions, even if you still believe they were well-intentioned. Let her know you understand that you crossed a line by interfering with her parenting decisions without her consent.

A simple “I’m sorry I betrayed your trust—it wasn’t my place” can open the door to healing. A sincere apology shows you value your relationship more than being “right.”

Find common ground in nutrition.

Instead of focusing on meat vs. no meat, consider shifting the conversation to shared goals—like making sure your grandson is getting the nutrients he needs. Ask if she’d be open to discussing vegan-friendly supplements or meal plans that meet his growing needs. This shows that you respect her lifestyle while still advocating for his health.

Offer to research options together, or support her efforts by learning about vegan cooking. This can turn conflict into collaboration and make you an ally, not an adversary.

Respect their rules, rebuild your role.

Right now, your daughter-in-law may feel like her authority was undermined, and that’s a hard feeling to shake. Show her you’re willing to respect her rules—even the ones you disagree with—if it means being part of your grandson’s life. You can say something like, “I miss him deeply, and I promise to respect your choices moving forward, even when it’s hard.”

Actions over time will prove your sincerity. Consistently honoring her boundaries can slowly rebuild the trust that was lost.

Ask for a second chance, not control.

It’s okay to admit you made a mistake and ask for a second chance. Let your daughter-in-law know that being cut off from your grandson has made you reflect deeply on your actions. Reassure her that you now understand how important her values are to her, and that you’re committed to respecting them.

You don’t need to agree with everything—but you do need to show her she can trust you not to undermine her again. That trust could be the key to opening the door back into their lives.

Family dynamics—especially with in-laws—can be challenging, and crossing boundaries often leads to tension. One Reddit user shared how her MIL crossed the line by demanding a paternity test after the birth of her baby.