My Vegan Girlfriend Wants Me to Get Rid of My Cat and I Don’t Know What to Do

Relationships
4 months ago

When the man in today's story met his girlfriend, he was captivated by her passion for veganism and animal rights. Her unwavering commitment to living a cruelty-free lifestyle was both admirable and inspiring. However, this dedication has now led to an unexpected and heart-wrenching dilemma.

He told the internet what happened.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 7 months. She’s amazing and we’re super compatible in a lot of ways. She is an outspoken vegan, and she made it clear at the start of our relationship that it was important to her that any potential had similar cruelty-free values. I, already being a pescatarian, had little difficulty transitioning to a fully plant-based diet. My girlfriend was proud of me for going cruelty-free and everything seemed well. We became “the vegan couple” on our college campus.

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Then there is my cat, Mittens... I’ve had her for three years and I adore her. She’s such a sweet and cuddly cat. However, my girlfriend was always a little apprehensive around her, and she blamed it on not growing up around cats. After a while, we sort of made a tacit agreement to mostly hang out at her apartment instead of mine, so Mittens never really came up again in conversation.

Recently my girlfriend and I have spent a lot of time together and we’ve started talking about taking our relationship to the next level. We began seriously looking at either buying a new apartment together or having one of us move in with the other.

However, after a lot of talking and planning, my girlfriend sat me down and dropped a bombshell on me. She said that with this next phase of the relationship, she did not see a future with me unless I was willing to give away Mittens. She said that she believed owning a cat is unconscionable for vegans, because they hunt mice and eat meat, and because the very act of owning a pet is a violation of vegan principles.

I was stunned. I told her that I was absolutely not willing to give up Mittens, and she had no choice but to eat meat so I was reducing harm as much as possible by buying reputable brands of cat food. Plenty of vegans own cats and think along those same lines. My girlfriend got mad and said “How much flesh does your cat eat? How many animals died to make all that food? Would you be okay with that being human flesh?”

I think it goes without saying that I am not going to get rid of my cat. However, it pains me to think that an otherwise wonderful relationship could be ending because of a difference in ideology. I don’t even really understand where my girlfriend is coming from because like I said, a lot of vegans own cats. Now granted, cat ownership can be a controversial topic in vegan circles and I probably would not have gotten a cat if I had been vegan at the time, but I have Mittens now, and she deserves to eat. (Yes, I’ve researched vegan cat food, but Mittens has some digestive issues and my vet strongly cautions against it.)

I’ve talked to some of my vegan and vegetarian friends and they all think my girlfriend has lost her mind. Some have suggested that it’s not about Mittens and my girlfriend just wants an excuse to end it. They probably don’t understand why I haven’t broken up yet, but I care about my girlfriend so much. I’d hate for this bizarre curve ball to be the end of a beautiful thing. I want to try and work something out.

People advised him not to give his cat away.

  • “She suggested to give it away? It makes no sense whatsoever... Will it consume less meat with another owner? Of course not. It’s like boasting about your lack of garbage because you dump it all in your neighbor’s yard.” -Nerze- / Reddit
  • “As a fellow vegan, no, this isn’t even cool. If she truly cared about animals she wouldn’t ask you to re-home your cat! It has a loving home! Her way of thinking is backward. If someone told me I am not a real vegan because I have a dog I would laugh and tell them they can have their stupid label, the dog stays, he’s family. Just like I’m sure your cat is your family.” ayecaptainaye / Reddit
  • “I’m a vegan who feeds my dog (who is a mutt whom I rescued) meat for the same reason: it’s not healthy to do otherwise and I’m not going to take my dog’s life in some kind of twisted ethical calculus. Your girlfriend is being jealous and needs some time to chill out. Eventually, she’ll see the error in her logic.” jasondclinton / Reddit
  • “I wonder if this isn’t really about veganism but more of her finding ways in an intimate relationship to express control over her partner. The fact that she doesn’t possess the skills to be flexible, compromising, or negotiate with a partner is a big red flag to me.” Unrealpeople24 / Reddit
  • “Anyone who asked or expected me to get rid of my animals would be kicked to the curb.” sleeeighbells / Reddit
  • “See if the local shelter will allow you to surrender your girlfriend.” Chakakhanukkah / Reddit

Whether he finds a way to balance her ethical stance with his love for Mittens or makes a heart-wrenching choice, the situation underscores the importance of open communication and empathy.

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