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Bright Side

How to Get Over Someone You Love

Falling in love with someone you can’t have can seriously affect your self-esteem and self-confidence. You feel unhappy, dissatisfied with yourself, and even depressed. Obviously, you should get rid of these feelings as soon as possible. We are going to tell you what to do in order to get over your unrequited love and start living a new life without the object of your passion.

Bright Side collected some pieces of advice that will help you forget about your pain after a love failure.

1. Accept the fact that this person doesn’t need you.

If one day you think that your loved one loves you back, but on another day they disappear for a week, it means that there’s definitely no love there. Try to look at your love from a different perspective. Does it look like a classic romance? If you can admit that your beloved doesn’t love you back, you are on the right path.

Next time you want to meet this person or call them, just think about how they usually feel about you. When you show how much you care about them, all they feel toward you is condescension. Do you want to be a slave crawling around your master’s feet? It’s better if you opt to do something more pleasant.

Also, you need to remember how you feel when you’re around that person. Are you sure you are having a good time when they are around or are you just idealizing someone’s feelings for you? Remember these 2 questions next time you see that person.

2. Distract your attention.

Out of sight, out of mind. This should be your motto if you want to get over your unrequited love. Stay as far away as possible from your loved one. If you can, the best option for you will be to go on a long trip where you won’t be able to connect to the internet (stop checking all their social media accounts!).

If you can’t avoid seeing this person completely, try to keep your thoughts far away from them. Even if the person you love is in the same room as you, it doesn’t mean that you should always think of them. Turn the stream of your thoughts in another direction. Think of your personal dreams and desires, not of the happiness in your relationships.

If you have the possibility of completely cutting that person out your life, you should. At least while you’re trying to erase your feelings toward them. Get as far as you can from them — your mind will thank you later.

3. Find a person with the same problems.

You are not the only person who has relationship and love problems. Many people have experienced the pain of unrequited love, and they’ve gotten past it. Tell your close friends or family about your feelings. Ask them how they survived it and what they did to release the pain. Sometimes all you need is to hear someone say simple words like, “I totally get what you’re going through”

But don’t make the common mistake of starting to get pleasure from dwelling on this topic. Otherwise, you will constantly think of one person and won’t forget them at all. You only need a couple of good talks to feel better with someone that is willing to listen and understand.

If you don’t feel like talking to anybody about your personal issues, turn to the arts. The theme of unrequited love is extremely popular, and it’s easy to find lots of books and films that will help you to get over someone. You can even put on your favorite sad songs and sing your heart out.

4. Take care of yourself.

When you are absorbed in your own dark thoughts, you usually start neglecting yourself. Even if you feel nothing but pain and can’t do anything, take care of your appearance and health. Take a warm bubble bath with bath salts. Make a cup of tasty herbal tea, and drink it with pleasure. Go shopping and buy new clothes. Change your hairstyle.

Don’t rush to make decisions or take action, especially if they are dangerous to your health or life. You may want to occupy yourself with self-destructive habits and hope that your loved one will see and understand your pain — but they won’t. And you will only end up with damaged nerves.

We can’t emphasize this enough, take a bath! Make the effort to shower every day — you will feel 100 times better if you do. You see how sometimes our personality changes when we try on clothes that look fierce on us — suddenly we feel so confident about ourselves. Well, taking a bath might help you to get into a better mental state.

5. Do a workout.

There are many ways to restore your emotional balance. The most effective of them is physical exercise. It can help you to get rid of your negativity. Start jogging every morning or go to fitness classes. Go to the gym or to a swimming pool. Learn how to ride a horse — you will definitely get a lot of positive emotions from connecting with animals.

If you want to combine sports and arts, start dancing. Turn up your favorite songs, and dance for as long as you are able to move. Go to a dance studio, and learn how to dance the tango or rumba. You will have fun and get in shape at the same time. Plus, you’ll need all the extra endorphins you can find.

You can even start with simple physical activities like walking through your neighborhood, stretching, or doing low-intensity training. If you don’t know how to stretch, you can do a quick YouTube search until you find a tutorial that suits your needs. Don’t be afraid to change the activity if you discover it isn’t for you.

6. Leave this dream behind you.

There’s a good Indian proverb that says: If the horse is dead, dismount. Don’t indulge yourself with hopeless dreams. There isn’t anything more destroying than waiting for someone to love you back. If you see that someone doesn’t pay enough attention to you, don’t try to justify their behavior. They are not too embarrassed to show their love, they just don’t feel it.

If a person doesn’t love you back, they can find a thousand excuses to not spend time with you. Just imagine yourself in the following situation: If you don’t want to go to a party or on a date, how do you usually act?

Sometimes loving someone can blind us, but some tough love toward ourselves can help us see the reality of the situation. Just be careful and don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are not enough.

7. Don’t get angry.

Failing at love is a part of life. If something goes contrary to your plans, you shouldn’t start hating yourself or all the representatives of the opposite sex. Believe that you will see your own happy ending. And don’t wish bad luck on your loved one — they don’t have to make sacrifices for your happiness.

Put yourself in this person’s shoes: Are you ready to live your whole life with someone you only feel pity for? It’s better to think of all the good memories you had together and go on with a smile on your face. Obviously, getting angry is a normal reaction you can have — just remember that everything in excess can be damaging.

8. Restrict your use of social media.

When you’re going through a breakup it can be tempting to stalk your ex on their social media. You must stop and fight the urge, not one good thing will come out of that. It might sound too drastic but you can block said person from your contacts, that way you won’t see their stories, pictures, or posts in your feed.

You won’t get the constant reminder of your past relationship, and that might bring you some peace of mind. If you’re in a situation where you have to keep seeing that person because maybe you work with them, deleting them from your social media will allow you to have “free time” from them. In this case “out of sight, out of mind” should be your mantra too.

9. Think about going to therapy.

At times, feelings can be so overwhelming and hard to ignore that they might even affect your mental health. We recommend that if the painful feelings don’t stop and get worse, you should look for help. Sometimes what we really need is to talk about it with someone else to get a fresh perspective on the matter.

A psychologist will help you navigate through all the emotions that you’re having. Some of us need someone to guide us through the storm.

10. Find a hobby

This might sound like obvious advice, but we want to add that you should find something you’re passionate about — that needs your full concentration. There’s a time for a good cry, but there’s also a time for repairing your mind and body.

This new hobby should be able to stop the painful memories from appearing in your head, at least for a little while. You should try to avoid sadness 24/7, at all costs. Some hobby suggestions might be writing, joining a book club, taking singing lessons, or playing chess or any board game with friends —it could even be starting a journal.

11. Allow yourself to cry.

There is nothing more annoying than someone seeing you cry and whispering to your ear, “Don’t cry.” We should be able to express our feelings even if that means having a cry session at the store. As we said before, crying is also an acceptable reaction to a messy breakup.

You just lost someone you love, it would be a miracle if you didn’t feel sad from time to time. Allowing yourself to feel all the emotions might help you overcome them faster. Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away and, in the long run, you are going to take longer to heal.

12. Reconnect with your friends and loved ones.

One of the worst things you can do when you are feeling down is to isolate yourself. Now is the time you need to spend with friends and people that you love. Talk with them about your feelings, especially with the people that love you the most. They can give you the comfort you really need.

Make plans to go to a coffee shop, or if someone invites you somewhere, make the effort to attend. After all is said and done, it is better to be sad with someone than alone.

13. Time is your best friend.

This is not really advice but a promise. As time goes on, your pain will lessen. Suddenly you will feel like whatever happened to you was just a bad dream and you will be able to leave all the bad feelings where they belong, in the past.

You might even be able to listen to sad songs without actually crying or going to your favorite places without thinking about the time you took your ex there. The process is long and it takes time but at least try to enjoy the ride.

Bonus

Think like a philosopher. Create a personal motto and always remember it when you feel depressed. This short phrase should restore your inner peace and make you believe in a better future. Legends says that a powerful Persian King once asked his wise men for a quote that would best fit the times they were living in. The men came up with the phrase “This too, shall pass” and the king loved it so much that he had it inscribed on a ring.

Do you have your own pieces of advice on how to deal with unrequited love? Share your experience in the comments!

Please note: This article was updated in September 2022 to correct source material and factual inaccuracies.
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