Why the Desire to Make the Honeymoon Phase Last Forever Is Dangerous for Your Relationship
The honeymoon period makes couples feel like they live in some kind of magical bubble that has no place for worries. But once the romance starts to wear off, partners have to face the truth — the fireworks won’t last forever. So some of them break up willing to experience these feelings with someone new, while others try to turn back the time and get back to that romantic period. But the truth is, getting stuck in the honeymoon period is likely to damage your relationship instead of making it stronger.
Bright Side tried to figure out why we shouldn’t get caught up in this phase, and how we can still feel the excitement in our relationships, even after the novelty fades.
There’s a natural shift from passionate to compassionate love.
When we start dating, we experience passionate love. The feelings are intense and strong, and we crave that physical connection, tending to idealize each other. But after some time passes, our love turns into compassionate love which includes a higher level of intimacy.
Relationships are evolving naturally and partners have to accept that. But if we don’t learn to deal with the new reality where our relationship is based on different grounds other than rushing hormones and emotions, our relationship might fail because our expectations are different from the real course of events.
These crazy feelings of love won’t last a lifetime.
While it might be nice to go through a “love fever” when you think about your partner all the time and feel like the happiest person on Earth, these intense feelings won’t last forever. And honestly, it can be pretty exhausting to constantly be on your toes and feel like your world revolves around one person.
But the end of the honeymoon period doesn’t mean that you’re sick and tired of each other. It may be a sign that you’re more comfortable and confident in your relationship. You still can keep the most exciting parts like flirting and fun date nights alive, and at the same time, enjoy your new relationship status where you feel secure and fulfilled.
You might get bored and confuse it with falling out of love.
We’re inclined to take positive experiences for granted and crave variety. But in the course of years, the excitement is likely to fade, so we might complain that we’re unhappy or incompatible with our partner. During this time, people often start to remember how exciting it was during their honeymoon period and try to work hard on their relationships to feel like that again.
We have to remember that our feelings and needs are evolving. The novelty wears off and we have other people and experiences in our life other than our partners. And while we still have to contribute to our relationship to keep the spark alive, things are unlikely to be as surprising as they were at the beginning of the relationship. But instead, we get the feeling of security, intimacy, and commitment that might be even more precious.
You might get tired of trying too hard all the time.
During the honeymoon period, we often try to show our best sides to our partners and hide the character traits that we consider flaws. While there’s nothing wrong with trying to be the best version of yourself, it may become pretty exhausting with time.
Both partners should have the opportunity to be real with each other and bond on a deeper emotional level. As the relationship develops, people become more comfortable and express themselves more openly. They no longer are afraid to look stupid, funny, or insecure and it only boosts the connection between the partners.
You might miss some red flags.
Love makes us blind and this statement is especially true for passionate love. We tend to idealize our partners and are so afraid to hurt their feelings that we might compromise on things that are actually important to us. We might justify some kinds of behavior that we’d find unacceptable in other situations.
When the honeymoon period is over, we get a chance to see our partners with clear eyes and evaluate their behavior. It may the perfect opportunity to see your relationship objectively and think about whether it will be able to survive without the rush of love hormones.
It may lead to a codependent relationship.
When we fall in love, we may often forget about the outside world. We live in our own bubble where only romance exists. And while it may be a great and pleasant experience to hang out mostly with your partner for the first couple of months, shutting down the rest of the world may cause some problems.
It’s essential to have interests and friends outside of the relationship, but the honeymoon phase doesn’t imply that much freedom. Partners spend all their free time with each other, often hiding their true desires and sacrificing their own needs to keep each other satisfied. Such behavior might cause an unhealthy connection with a partner, leading to a codependent relationship.
How has your romantic relationship evolved with time? What advice do you have on how partners can help each other feel fulfilled?