13 People Who Chose Self-Love Over Society’s Demands

Learning to embrace who you are helps you live more authentically and confidently. While it’s not always easy, the growth and peace you gain make every step worthwhile. Remember, the hardest journeys often lead to the most beautiful destinations.

“Accepting my wrinkles because I have lived!”

• A huge turning point for me was pregnancy and having a daughter. I was pretty amazed at what my body could do in carrying a child. And my daughter, who is beautiful, smart, funny, sassy, and amazing... I never wanted her to grow up disliking herself. And that made me really shift my perspective on how I treat and talk about myself. Because kids are little sponges who pick up on cues, like the sad faces, sighs, ughs, and icky comments I’d make. So I stopped that. And that was a nice mindset shift as well. It was breaking a bad habit. © Cookies-N-Dirt / Reddit

• I met a guy online and agreed to meet him for coffee. I chose a simple shirt and skirt, but I hadn’t shaved my legs. I’m blonde, so it’s not that noticeable. But as we sat down, I saw him staring at my legs, and embarrassment started creeping in. “Is something wrong?” I asked. To my surprise, he smiled and said, “I was just thinking how confident you are. Most people wouldn’t care about being themselves on a first date. It’s refreshing.”
  Later in the conversation, he admitted he was nervous because he felt like his shirt wasn’t “date-worthy.” It made me realize that we’re all just trying to impress each other, and none of it really matters.

• I’ve always been a bigger woman. One time, I showed up to a family gathering wearing a snug red dress. My mom rushed over to me and whispered, “Go change into something more appropriate.” Her words stung, but I decided to stand my ground. I took off my jacket, revealing that the dress was also backless.
  To my surprise, my younger niece clapped and said, “You look like a queen, Auntie!” That’s when it hit me—I’ve been living under everyone else’s expectations for too long. Now, I wear whatever makes me feel good.

• My therapist has me do this thing where I imagine my tween daughter, who I do love unconditionally and who I do pride myself on being a good parent to, telling me these things that I feel about myself and what I would say to her. Then to imagine my “mother self” saying those same types of things to me. Kind of like parenting yourself. If you don’t have a daughter or a child, you could probably do it by imagining a good friend and what she would say to you. Or your mom if you have a good relationship. © Unknown author / Reddit

"People used to point out that my nose is big and weird. That made me quite insecure about the way I look. But now I’m learning to accept myself the way I am. Still not there yet, but I’m more confident now."

• One thing that helped me a lot was reserving one night a week to take myself on a date. I tried all sorts of things like going out to eat alone, going to movies alone, going for a walk in a park, and finally I figured out my ideal self-date was a bath with some light music and enough candles to be vaguely concerned about burning my house down. It takes a lot of being uncomfortable and sitting in quiet with your own thoughts and, eventually, it gets less and less uncomfortable, and you realize you're really not as bad as you think you are. © PsychologicalCamera6 / Reddit

• It took me three years to get somewhere where I liked myself. I didn't date, go out, or have much of a social life for three years while I concentrated on getting to a better place. I went to school, worked my job, saved my money, paid my debts, and had a strong course for my future. I did it for me. I didn’t realize when it happened but I started liking myself again. Not long after that people did too. Most of this comes from not liking the situation you are in in life. Do it for you, not for anyone else. © Unknown author / Reddit

• I take something I love doing (for me that's rock climbing) and think about how my body supports that activity. For example, I love my arms because they can orient and grasp the rock, feel the wind, feel the grittiness, support me as I flow up the route, help me meditate through with breath work. I can trust them. My eyes, my mind, my fingers support my art. I can create with my hands. I can move and see places with my legs and feet. I can feel warmth. I can feel music. © sandopsio / Reddit

• If I get down on myself about something I did in the past, I’ll remind myself of all the kind and wonderful things I’ve done since. I talk kindly to myself (like I would a friend), and I’ve learned that it’s ok not to be perfect. I fell in love with myself after I left my husband, became an invincible single mom, and turned 40. © ScaryNightMary / Reddit

"I turned 38 yesterday, and I look it. Fine lines around my eyes, mouth, and neck. Gray hairs peeking out. Dark circles under my concealer. Twenty extra pounds in the twenty years since high school. And guess what? That’s okay! Aging is beautiful."

• I tell myself that I deserve things: if other people I meet act like they deserve things, why can’t I? Why can’t I have friends? I deserve friends. I deserve to treat my body healthily. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to feel happy, or at least try to feel happy. The moment you realize you’re on the exact same playing field as everyone else, and that we’re all human, you can get better.
  © iamtonimorrison / Reddit

• One of my biggest breakthroughs was going through pictures of myself as a young teenager, when most of the bad stuff started in my head. I was looking at this totally normal, average girl and I just burst into tears. I just kept thinking, “This is just a regular girl. There’s nothing wrong with her. She’s just trying to BE.” I try to remember that girl, who felt so terrible, and how I see her from the outside. I deserve that compassion now. © ***kate / Reddit

If you're working on building self-love and confidence, take a look at 8 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Self-Esteem and What You Can Do About It. It's a great guide to help you identify patterns that might be holding you back and offers practical steps to boost your confidence.