7 Popular Parenting Styles Experts Say Might Be Doing More Harm Than Good

From sharenting to helicopter-parenting, these popular parenting styles that parents have sworn by, are now showing their flaws and proving that not every trend is beneficial in every household. Experts brought the facts, and we summarized them below to learn how they may not be good for children or parents in the long-run.

1. Sharenting

We’ve seen the kid-featured content all over social media, and while it may be cute, it’s not always safe. Experts define it as sharing overly personal data of children online as content — photos, videos, stories — or to people that are not immediate family.

How Can It Potentially Harm Children?

• Privacy Concerns: Your child’s photos or information could be viewed or misused by strangers.
• Lack of Consent: Children have no say in what information is shared about them.
• Embarrassment: As youngsters get older, the content that was shared may cause them to feel ashamed or angry.
• Digital Footprint: Children’s shared information can be used to build profiles and even forecast their future health or habits.

This is why in the age of social media parenting, striking the correct balance is important. Families can still stay connected by sharing, but exercise caution while doing it. Consider who’s on the other side of that post and whether or not your child will be able to handle the repercussions of the posts as they get older. Children also deserve privacy and as a parent, the onus is on you to provide it — to weigh if those posts will benefit your child in the future or if it has the potential to harm them in any way.

2. Gentle parenting

In theory, gentle parenting means treating children as individuals with their own point of views. It’s about being empathetic to your child’s emotional experiences, to guide, teach and model rather than to shame and punish, but the reality of it isn’t quite as perfect and this is where the worry comes in.

• Its idealistic expectations can’t always be met — the way it is portrayed on social media frequently creates an idealistic norm, which makes parents feel guilty and ashamed when they are unable to live up to it. Parents may feel more stressed and like failures as a result of this.
• It’s got discipline all wrong — the widespread misperception with this parenting style is that all types of discipline are forms of punishment. Because of this misconception, parents may refrain from establishing necessary boundaries, making kids lose out on learning about accountability and consequences.
• There’s not enough evidence to prove that it’s effective. Despite its popularity, the concept itself is slippery. Especially because it’s been proven that different children need different parenting strategies, not a one-size fits all style for every circumstance or family.

This parenting style does have its positives, and if it is working for you then by all means, continue. But to the parents who were feeling guilty because it wasn’t working for them, then they should find comfort in the fact that the style itself is flawed.

3. Helicopter parenting

These are the parents that are too involved in their child’s life—hovering over them like a helicopter. They try to protect their kids from every mistake, failure, or bad feeling. But while they may be protected in the moment, experts are worried that it might actually destroy kids in the long-run.

Here’s why:

• Children don’t learn how to handle difficult circumstances or bounce back from failure if their parents fix everything for them.
• Children may develop bad coping methods as they don’t know how to deal with stress, issues, or failure on their own as they get older.
• Some parents postpone enforcing rules because they want to be their child’s “best friend,” which can confuse children and prevent them from learning right from wrong.
• A child’s self-esteem gets destroyed because you’re basically telling them that they can’t do it on their own every time you step in to “help.”
• Children do not learn life skills. They lose out on developing fundamental abilities like decision-making, problem-solving, and self-defense when parents take care of everything.

It’s good to support your child—but let them try, fail, and figure things out too. That’s how they grow into strong, confident adults.

4. Over-scheduling

Overscheduling occurs when kids have too many things scheduled, such as tutoring, music classes, or sports, leaving little time for unstructured play, relaxation, or just being kids.

This is problematic because:

• If children lack free time, then they don’t have a break to just play, explore, and relax, which is necessary for a child.
• This can increase a child’s stress because having a full schedule may cause kids to experience fatigue and essentially be overwhelmed, which can result in burnout.
• Relationships like family and friendships, as well as communication, may suffer from constant activities that take up valuable time.
• Parents may feel pressured to keep their kids actively involved in order to guarantee their success, putting kids under pressure to succeed.
• Children have fewer options when everything is planned, which encourages reliance rather than freedom.

Planned activities are beneficial, but if your child’s schedule is overly crowded, monitor their excitement and energy levels to see if it benefits them. In the end, children need to experience the unplanned parts of childhood.

5. Over-praising

Excessive praise involves frequently complimenting children on their abilities or achievements, often with the intention of boosting their self-esteem. While well-meaning, this approach can lead to unintended consequences.

Why professionals are worried:

• Instead of building an internal sense of self-worth, children may grow dependent on praise to feel good about themselves, which will cause them to constantly seek for other people’s favor.
• Children who receive too much praise may feel pressured to be the best all the time, which can cause anxiety and make it difficult for them to accept setbacks or mistakes.
• Children who receive too much praise may behave boastfully, which makes it more difficult for them to make and keep friends because of the perceived haughtiness.
• Children may find it difficult to accept criticism or corrections because they perceive them as personal assaults on their value when they associate praise with affection or approval.

Instead of concentrating on broad praise, experts advise giving detailed, effort-based criticism. This method promotes a growth mentality, resilience, and more positive social relationships.

6. Screen-time as a reward

Giving kids access to electronic gadgets, such as tablets, smartphones, or televisions, as a reward for accomplishments like finishing chores or homework is known as “screen time.” On the other hand, it might also entail limiting screen time as a way to discipline bad conduct.

Experts, such as child psychologist Jarmila Tomkova, caution against this technique for several reasons:

• Screen time starts to be desirable. When screen time is offered as a reward, children find it more tempting, which could lead to an unhealthy fixation with electronic devices.
• Only motivated because there’s a reward. Children may become less internally motivated — doing something because it’s fun, and more externally motivated — performing only for the reward.
• It becomes harder to form healthy habits. Children may find it more difficult to form balanced habits when screen time is used as a reward or punishment, since it can disrupt the development of regular, healthy daily routines. And one may ignore more fulfilling and rewarding options that can promote deeper relationships and personal development, such as spending time with family, taking up hobbies, or going on educational excursions.

The most meaningful rewards are the ones that build strong bonds, spark happiness, and support personal growth. Try picking activities that inspire curiosity, create unforgettable moments, and motivate your child to explore what they truly love.

7. Is lighthouse-parenting any better?

A term coined by pediatrician Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, advises parents to be a steady presence, providing direction without going too far. Lighthouse parenting finds a balance between overly controlling parenting and free-range parenting which lacks supervision. For instance, a lighthouse parent may inquire, “How do you think you’ll feel in the morning if you stay up until 10?” in response to a child’s request to remain up late. It intends to encourage introspection

Although lighthouse parenting provides some good benefits, experts point out a number of difficulties and possible disadvantages:

• It might be difficult to strike the correct balance between direction and independence. Parents may find it difficult to know when to intervene and when to let kids manage things on their own, which could result in either over-involvement or neglect.
• It can be tough for parents to let their kids fail or feel uncomfortable. Parental anxiety can result from a conflict between the urge to let children learn from their experiences and the instinct to protect.
• Parents may use lighthouse parenting ideas inconsistently if they don’t fully get it, which could leave kids confused as they’re receiving conflicting messages.

Lighthouse parenting encourages children to become independent while knowing they have support, which is a balanced approach. But it’s crucial for parents to evaluate each child’s unique demands and modify their strategy accordingly. Implementing this parenting style successfully might be aided by being aware of the possible obstacles.

Evaluate your own child to see what works best for them and you, and adjust accordingly. While you’re here, check out the parenting trends that were once a thing but aren’t anymore.