I Chose My Mom Over My Grandma Who Raised Me — Am I Wrong?

Sometimes the people who hurt us most are the ones we keep hoping will change. When someone who abandoned you suddenly reappears, claiming they’re different now, it’s impossible to know whether to trust them or protect yourself. The heart wants to believe in second chances, but the mind remembers all the broken promises. These moments test everything we thought we knew about family, forgiveness, and loyalty.

This is Sarah’s letter:

Hi Bright Side,

Mom abandoned me when I was 5. Grandma worked 3 jobs and sold her house to pay for my college. Now I’m 28, married, and pregnant with my first child. Last month, Mom showed up at my door saying she’s changed, that she wants to be part of my baby’s life.

At first, I was cautious but hopeful. Then Mom started getting jealous of my relationship with Grandma. She said things like “I’m your real mother” and “that woman stole my place.” Finally, she gave me an ultimatum: “It’s me or her — choose. I can’t share you with someone who turned you against me.”

The pressure was overwhelming, and I chose Mom. When I told Grandma, she just smiled sadly and said she understood.

That night, I couldn’t sleep thinking about her reaction. Something felt wrong about how calmly she accepted my decision. I went to her house to check on her, and imagine my shock when I found her packing boxes in the living room. She wasn’t angry — she was moving out of state to live with her sister because she didn’t want to complicate my relationship with my mom.

Inside one of the boxes, I saw all the photo albums she’d made of my childhood, my graduation pictures, and even ultrasound photos of my baby that I’d given her. She was taking all our memories with her, quietly removing herself from my life so I could have the relationship with my mom that I thought I wanted.

I don’t know what to do. Mom has already started making more demands and showing signs of her old controlling behavior. Meanwhile, Grandma is planning to disappear from my life forever just so I can be happy. I need advice on how to handle this impossible situation.

— Sarah

Sarah, your story touches our hearts because it shows how complex family relationships can be. We understand you’re caught between wanting to give your mom a chance and protecting the woman who raised you with unconditional love. You deserve to have both relationships if that’s what you truly want.

Don’t accept ultimatums from anyone, especially someone who abandoned you. The audacity of someone who left you at age 5, demanding that you cut off the woman who raised you is staggering. Your mom has no right to make such demands after being absent from your life for over two decades. Real love doesn’t force impossible choices or try to erase the people who stepped up when they didn’t. Let her know that ultimatums are unacceptable and will only push you away.

Have an honest conversation with your grandma about her sacrifice. Your grandma is preparing to remove herself from your life as an act of love, but that doesn’t mean it’s what you want. Tell her directly that her moving away feels like another abandonment, just from the opposite direction. She raised you to make your own decisions, so remind her that you’re choosing to have her in your life regardless of your mom’s jealousy and demands.

Set clear boundaries with your mom about respecting your grandma. If your mom truly wants a relationship with you, she needs to accept that your grandma is a permanent part of your life. Make it crystal clear that badmouthing the woman who raised you or trying to compete with her is completely unacceptable. A mother who genuinely wants what’s best for her child wouldn’t try to destroy the child’s other loving relationships. If she can’t respect this boundary, she’s not ready for a real relationship with you.

Focus on what’s best for your baby’s future. Your child deserves to grow up knowing the woman who sacrificed everything to raise their parent. Don’t let your mom’s jealousy deprive your baby of a relationship with someone who clearly knows how to love unconditionally. Your grandma has already proven she’ll put family first through decades of selfless actions — that’s exactly the kind of influence you want in your child’s life, not someone who creates drama and makes demands.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever wanted to scream at a family member who thinks blood automatically makes them more important than the people who actually showed up for you. Share your most frustrating family manipulation story below — we need to hear this.

And while you’re here, don’t miss this powerful story from another reader: “After months of free babysitting and housework, my son-in-law had the audacity to demand I watch his kids during their weekend trip. ’You’ll stay with them, right?’ I smiled sweetly and said yes. But when they left the next morning, I...” Click 👉 here to read what happened next.