Finding harmony in blended families can be a challenge, especially when unexpected issues arise. Becky, a mother of a two-year-old, asked her 19-year-old stepdaughter to babysit while she worked, but the stepdaughter refused. Frustrated, Becky demanded her stepdaughter contribute to the household by paying rent. This disagreement spiraled into an unforeseen conflict, leaving Becky feeling devastated and at a loss for what to do. She reached out for advice, hoping to navigate this difficult situation.
Yes u cant force to have a relationship in family u should have made her to see u as her second mother and treat the child as her little brother but instead u ordered like a boss if u cant watch out for my child then u r not staying in my home which means u didnt accept her as ur daughter first , First u have to keep in ur mind she is ur elder child and treat her like one so she can treat the little baby as her younger brother and then u dont have to ask or order her she can baby sit him as in her own will...
-
-
Reply
Hello Becky! Thank you for sharing your story.
We’ve prepared some tips that can help you navigate through this situation.
Communicate with empathy and set boundaries together
I think the problem here is communication. Since this is his daughter, especially, you should have discussed this with him first. Also, it being your house and not y'alls house is bound to cause problems in a marriage. You are likely to feel this way about other issues. I feel like it is a barrier to ya'll functioning like a proper family unit. Just something to think about.
-
-
Reply
Instead of focusing on who is right or wrong, try to have a calm conversation with your husbandabout why you felt compelled to ask his daughter for help and how her refusal affected you.
Acknowledge his protective instincts toward his daughter but also express your need for support in managing the household. Suggest creating boundaries for his daughter’s involvement and expectations in the home together, so both of you can feel heard and respected.
It seems your husband’s response may have stemmed from a deeper feeling of guilt or protectiveness towards his daughter. Instead of focusing solely on your frustration with her, talk to him about why he immediately took her side. Was it because he felt like she was vulnerable or alone?
Understanding his feelings and motivation might help you approach the issue with him in a way that doesn’t feel like a direct attack on their relationship, and opens the door to find a resolution that works for all three of you.
You are wrong. Your step-daughter is mot your babysitter. She is not your employee and you are sre the one who is acting entitled.
-
-
Reply
Instead of maintaining a hard stance, offer a compromise that could bring everyone back together. For example, you could propose that his daughter contributes in other ways, like household chores or helping with non-childcare responsibilities, while you and your husband explore external childcare options.
This would allow her to still be independent without feeling like she’s being forced to babysit. It might also show your husband that you’re willing to be flexible for the sake of keeping the family united.
The Stepmother doesn’t specify whether the stepdaughter works or not. The stepdaughter watching her sibling could mean either full time due to lack of employment or part time like full days on her days off and half days on the days she works.. regardless the stepmom can’t just demand her stepdaughter save her daycare costs by babysitting and she refers to the house as HER home. Once she got married to her husband it became THEIR home. Husband was right to leave since he clearly has no say in the home. Also the stepmom doesn’t speak of any household contributions her stepdaughter could be doing if she’s not working, like dad and stepmom coming home from work to a spotless home and dinner fully cooked. After she graduated high school, any time my daughter was between jobs, her father and I came home to the house cleaned and whatever dinner I planned on making, fully cooked and ready to eat.
-
-
Reply
After a week of separation, it may be time to seriously assess how your husband’s choices are impacting your marriage and family. Reflect on what you need from him as a partner and how his prioritization of his daughter over your child and you are affecting the dynamic.
Consider couples counseling or even a temporary separation if he continues to ignore your concerns. This could help both of you reassess your priorities, whether it’s his daughter’s entitlement, your expectations, or how you want to move forward as a family.
Lindsay, a stepmother, faced frustration when her husband declined to buy a graduation gift for her daughter. Fortunately, her stepdaughter stepped in and performed a heartwarming gesture, turning the situation around. Discover the full story here.
If the girl isn't working the very least she could do is watch the kid. They're paying for her to live there. saving on childcare for the summer pits money back into the house spent taking care of a grown 19 yr old. And the woman is right it is HER HOUSE and her husband and his daughter need to remember that, the only thing the husband seems to being to the table is a paycheck. And where is this girls mother and why can't she stay with her or other family.
You’re being the child here. If you had a child before you got married, wouldn’t you want your husband to treat it with respect? I’m picking my kid every single time over anyone else. The husband needs to get as far away from you as possible.
The Stepmother doesn’t specify whether the stepdaughter works or not. The stepdaughter watching her sibling could mean either full time due to lack of employment or part time like full days on her days off and half days on the days she works.. regardless the stepmom can’t just demand her stepdaughter save her daycare costs by babysitting and she refers to the house as HER home. Once she got married to her husband it became THEIR home. Husband was right to leave since he clearly has no say in the home. Also the stepmom doesn’t speak of any household contributions her stepdaughter could be doing if she’s not working, like dad and stepmom coming home from work to a spotless home and dinner fully cooked. After she graduated high school, any time my daughter was between jobs, her father and I came home to the house cleaned and whatever dinner I planned on making, fully cooked and ready to eat.
It's rather refreshing to me to see the father is choosing and a sticking up for his daughter instead of choosing the step mother. I've read so many stories where the father gets remarried and all of a sudden his older children from a previous marriage gets neglected. I too wonder where the daughters bio mom is. He said she had no one so I'm wondering, did her mom leave the family or die? The 19 year old sounds angry and depressed, and i do agree its not her responsibility to look after a child, that's something that always seems to be pushed onto older siblings they always seem expected to look after the younger ones. I don't know there's so many variables that aren't given on this
