I Didn’t Hear My Baby Crying for 30 Minutes — Now My Husband Thinks I’m a Terrible Mother

Welcoming a newborn into the family is a joyous and life-changing experience, but it also comes with its fair share of challenges. Transitioning to parenthood can be especially demanding for new mothers who often bear the primary responsibility for the baby’s care. In an ideal partnership, husbands and fathers actively support their wives during this time. Unfortunately, this isn’t what’s happening with the mom we’re talking about below.

The new mom shared her story.

I didn’t wake up to my crying baby for 30 minutes. I feel absolutely awful and disgusted with myself. My fiancé left work because he saw on the baby monitor that the baby was crying. We have one that connects to our phones as well as the monitor that comes with it. He came home screaming at me because I didn’t wake up.

For context, I had been up all night, and at 6 a.m., I was with the baby and heard my fiancé’s alarm going off. I walked into the room and asked when he had to be up, but all he did was snooze his alarm and mute the monitor that sits on his side of the bed. I watched him do this.

After being screamed at, I told my fiancé that the sound of the monitor was off. I apologized profusely. The issue is that he says he didn’t turn the sound off on the monitor and will not take any responsibility for that.

He asked, “Why didn’t you turn it back on?” As if it’s all my responsibility. I told him I had been up all night, as usual, and maybe I wouldn’t have slept through it if he would help in the middle of the night. He just said I’m making excuses.

I feel horrible enough and have been crying all morning because I feel like a terrible mom. Our daughter is fine and happy now. I’m nursing her as I type this.

My fiancé consistently sleeps through the sound of our daughter crying, and I’m almost always the one to get up, so why is he making me feel worse when he knows I already feel like garbage? I’ve tried apologizing over and over, but he won’t listen to me and tells me he’s done talking to me for the rest of the day. What can I do?! I want to make this right, but I feel like I’m in a losing battle no matter what.

Help! Am I a bad mom?!

People came to the mother’s defense.

• “He drove home to yell at you instead of phoning you to wake you up? Babies cry. It happens. Parents get tired. It happens.
  Having someone mess with my sleep schedule, then turn off my baby monitor, then storm home from work to freak out on me? That’s a new one.” unlovelyladybartleby / Reddit
• “No, you are not a bad mom. You are completely exhausted, and the reason you are exhausted is because you are seriously sleep-deprived and have no support. He doesn’t wake up but expects you to — on no sleep.
  If possible, can you take your baby to a relative for a day, so you can get some sleep? When you can get back on an even keel, have a serious talk with your useless husband.” Dry-Crab7998 / Reddit
• “NOBODY should ever yell at a mom that’s lost sleep, has post-natal stress, and is taking care of a baby FULL time. Don’t enable his behaviors by apologizing. You need someone to fight for you and be in your corner. Call a friend, family, or anyone. You don’t deserve this.” Cupcake179 / Reddit
• “You are not a bad mom. You are an exhausted human being. Sleep deprivation is devastating for your brain, body, and spirit. And relationships.” SelkieButFeline / Reddit

The arrival of a newborn should be a shared responsibility, but some husbands don’t help as much as they should, often due to a complex interplay of societal norms, fear, and workplace pressures. It is crucial to break down these barriers and foster a culture of shared parenting. By doing so, we can ensure that both partners are equally equipped to nurture their children and create a more balanced, harmonious family life. This benefits the parents and contributes to a healthier and happier upbringing for the child.