Help Me. I Don’t Love My Newborn Baby

According to studies, about 20% of new mothers and fathers don’t feel an emotional attachment to their newborn babies. For some parents, this lasts only a few hours after delivery, while for others, this can take weeks or even months. One Bright Side reader was concerned about why she couldn’t establish an emotional connection with her baby, so she wrote us a letter asking for our advice.

Hey, Anna! Thank you for writing to us. First of all, read this carefully: You don’t have to fix anything. You are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you. How you feel is completely normal, and the sooner you embrace it, the better.

Yes, some parents fall in love with their kids the moment they arrive in this world, but others need more time to feel connected with their newborn babies. The Bright Side team read your letter, and we came up with some advice that might be of big help to you.

  • Taking care of your baby is important, but you shouldn’t forget to take care of yourself too. Adjusting to life after the birth of your little one can be tricky, and you might not feel like yourself. But don’t worry, you’ll adapt to a new routine before you know it, and don’t forget to take time in your new schedule for self-care. Getting as much rest as you need, eating healthy, accepting help from family and friends, and spending some quality time with your partner might do wonders.
  • Give yourself time. The first few weeks at home with a newborn can be exhausting. You’ve become a full-time mom overnight, and no books can prepare you for that. You are occupied with all the responsibilities you have to tackle, and you might not have the time to gather your emotions. It takes some parents several months to form any emotional attachment to their newborns, so don’t worry, you’ll get there eventually.
  • Try practicing skin-to-skin contact as much as you can. Skin-to-skin helps mothers bond with their babies and develop a loving relationship. This technique relaxes and calms both babies and mothers, and stimulates the release of hormones that support mothering and breastfeeding.
  • Postpartum depression might be the reason some mothers find it hard to bond with their newborns. There is no harm in checking and absolutely NO SHAME. You don’t need to feel guilty of what you feel (or don’t feel.) Many women out there experience postpartum depression, and your feelings are completely valid and understandable.

We hope this advice will help you get through this hard time. Remember, you should love yourself first before you can love another human being.

What advice would you give Anna? Did you fall in love with your baby right away, or did you need some time to emotionally connect with your newborn?


Get notifications

It need not be too much worrying as first two months after childbirth is too exhausting, but please try skin to skin contact and keeping the baby on your chest for sometime as it helps oxytoxin levels to raise for you and your baby and helps in gradual bonding.

Also by 3 months, as soon as the baby starts smiling and responding to your talks there could be a sudden improvement in the bonding between you both. Also it is always safe to check for post partum depression just to keep yourself happy


Related Reads